Life without Anorexia

My motto is
'Dont let the sadness of your past & the fear of your future ruin the happiness of your present'

I am a generally happy girl who loves running, going to the gym and eating food!! Though my life has been very different.
I spent 5 years sick with anorexia nervosia & purging tendencies & over exercising. I was depressed and self harmed. I spent 2 years in different treatment centres.
After alot of struggles, lots of ups and downs, suicide attempts, tears, anxiety, panic and never thinking i would be healthy.
I am now declared healthy from anorexia nervosia.

I have been blogging for 4 years, and my whole journey is written in my posts. I now represent healthy and happiness. I want to show anyone struggling that it is possible to recover, no matter how hard it may seem.

I am happy and healthy and living my life. Going to school, meeting friends and trying to find myself in this world.

I write about my daily life, but also try to write posts about how it was when i was sick, advice and tips.
I am open and friendly, so dont be scared about writing a post or sending me an email at:


Thursday, May 12, 2016

My third test for the term completed and grilled banana snack idea

This Thursday feels alot like Friday, and i cant seem to stop thinking that it is Friday the 13th today... i guess i am just waiting for something bad to happen. However yesterday i kept thinking it was Thursday 12th i.e the day of my test, so i checked the date about 10 times throughout the day... this panicked feeling that i had gotten the day and time wrong for some weird reason and missed my test. When i get obsesive and compulsive thoughts like that - checking the date or time over and over or things like checking that the stove is off 5 times before i leave the house or walking around the apartment 5 times to make sure everything is ok 8 times before i leave, then i know that i am stressed or have alot of stress inside of me. But now i just want to let all of that go... 

I had my test this morning at 8am and i had moments of "I got this, i know how to answer this" and "why are there always questions on things that i dont know so well". But i guess that is always the way... i cant know everything and all i can do is my best to try to answer. But this time round i had tried to not study in too much detail, but instead have an overall knowledge as well as some small details.... but the small details i thought "werent so important" were the things that were asked about on the test... so not so sure how it went, but hoping i passed anyway, it would be a relief to not have to do a retake test!

After my exam i always get alot of anxiety, thinking about what i answered, what i could have done differently and just feeling like a failure. I dont think i have ever done an exam and felt good or positive, ive always just been stuck in my own head and feel anxiety. So my best tips for coping with those feelings is to 1) Workout or 2) Go home and make myself something delicious to eat and just watch series (or do 1 and then 2!). 

So todays post test snack was grilled banana (i added melted coconut oil, agave syrup and vanilla stevia drops) into the banana and then into the oven wrapped in tinfoil, and also whipped some coconut cream (i.e a can of full fat coconut milk where you have frozen the can for a few hours so that you can seperate the coconut milk from the water and then you use an electric whisk to whisk the coconut cream - and i added vanilla stevia drops to the cream). And then i topped the grilled bananas with coconut cream, peanut butter and fruit and that was my delicious second breakfast of the day!!!

Definitely going to make this again as it was so delicious - and tip, place chocolate into the banana before you put it into the oven so that the chocolate melts in the heat.. or add marshmallows as well.

Now i am going to take some time for myself for a few hours before it is time for laundry this evening... hahahah, fun way to spend my Thursday evening :)


  1. Hey Izzy! I have a doctors/neurologists have been pushing me to drink more and more water to try and reduce the number of headaches I get (I get them everyday :/) but now that I'm working really hard to recover from restrictive eating, I never feel hungry due to all the water :/ it sucks because I know I need to gain weight but it's hard to eat when you never feel hungry. any suggestions? Should I try adding some juice to the water?
    Thanks so much <3

    1. Maybe you can try drinking herbal tea with snacks or after meals... it doesnt have to be a big cup but it can aid in digestion as well. Or eat food with water in it, such as add cucumber or lettuce to meals or watermelon, as that helps with water intake. Or just small amounts of water all throughout the day... you dont have to drink huge amounts all the time, but a little all througout the day. Do priortize eating first i.e dont drink 500ml of water and then not eat a snack, instead eat your snack and if you can manage drink some water. And addig some fruit juice or fruit or lemon to the water can help you drink more if its the taste you dont like :)

    2. re. "it's hard to eat when you never feel hungry" -- I fear that's how eating in recovery often feels anyway! One still has to do it.
      When I was being "refed" I was never allowed to drink enough; I felt dehydrated. I can imagine that being pushed into the opposite is also hard, in a different way.
      Can you not talk to the doctors about the issue? Weight gain is imperative in ED recovery, however it happens, and so is keeping a good intake of solid food, even if you use liquid supplements for extra calories.
      Good luck.

    3. Thanks so much for your ideas, Izzy :) I usually drink 2 cups of herbal or green tea in the morning (but after breakfast!!). I do find it helps with digestion, especially when I've eaten a lot of fibre from fruits and veggies. I'm super bloated most of the time, but I've gotten a lot better at coping with negative body image.
      I'll work on drinking smaller amounts throughout the day and eating more "water" food. I love watermelon :) I'll have to check the next time I'm at the store to see if any have arrived!
      Have a lovely weekend :) and thanks again!

    4. And to the anonymous person who commented, thank you for your concern and suggestions :) I was never officially diagnosed with doctor's didn't seem to think my weight loss was a problem :/ it really sucks. But my mom knows that my habits aren't normal, and she's really trying to help me.
      My goal right now is to try and drink milk at meal times...I used to be able to do it, so I know I can do it again :)
      I guess the best thing is to cut back a bit on water, and focus on food.
      Thanks again!

  2. Great idea for the bananas - when I make them I peel them first, slice them length ways and top with brown sugar and a drizzle of honey before wrapping them in foil and baking in oven - yours sound so much more adventurous!
    Hope you did well in your test - when do you get the results? try not to stress over how well you may or may not have done - its done now and you can`t change things, so no sense worrying :) How much more of your course have you left?
    - BTW , I see Ireland has been knocked out of Eurovision - don`t know why?? Are you going to watch the final at the weekend? I probably will although its not as big here as it used to be, people used to have Eurovision parties and make an occasion of it, but not so much now. Shame really, as its quite fun in a daft sort of way!

    1. I didnt have any tinfoil so i couldt really wrap them up, and just made the best out of the ingredients i had i.e coconut oil and agave syrup, but it tasted delicious nonetheless :) Im not so sure when i get the results, within a week or two i guess... and you're right, ive done what i could so i shouldnt worry. Nnow i only have 2 weeks left and 4 seminars and a group assignment to do :)

      I will be watching the Eurovision, its cheesey but its a tradition and im just there for the snacks, hahahah!! :) It's fun that it is held in Sweden this year and i can see the arena (Globen) from my parents house!! Hhope you have a lovely weekend.

    2. Yes it is rather of a tradition - reminds me of my childhood when I used to badger my mum to let me stay up to see Eurovision - always used to fall asleep though and she used to wake me when UK came on and when the results came up!
      Have a lovely, somewhat "cheesey" weekend then - hope you do well again this year :) As for the UK, I`ve seen the entry and don`t hold out much hope....another embarrassment :(

      And for the bananas, try adding cinnamon if you like it, that and drizzled with honey is delicious