Life without Anorexia

My motto is
'Dont let the sadness of your past & the fear of your future ruin the happiness of your present'

My life at the moment is completely different to how it once was. I spent 5 years sick with anorexia nervosia and depression as well as struggling with self harm and overexercising. I spent 2 years in different treatment centres.
And since 2012 i have been declared healthy from my eating disorder.

I have been blogging for 7 years, and my whole journey is written in my posts. I now represent healthy and happiness. I want to show anyone struggling that it is possible to recover, no matter how hard it may seem.

I now blog about recovery, my life, veganism and positivity!

If you have any questions leave them in the comment section as i am much quicker at answering there, otherwise you can always send an email: lifewithoutanorexia@hotmail.com

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Tuesday, May 3, 2016

Long day in school, sunshine and endless hunger

Hello :)

It is Tuesday evening and I am sitting wrapped up in blankets as i am freezing despite it being around 18 degrees outside today, but ive had to walk around wearing my jacket in school and double layers in doors. It feels like a throw back to the past when i was freezing despite it being summer and warm, though now i blame it on the stress and my body is just weird when it comes to temperature... either i am really warm or really cold, and not to mention that i have bad blood circulation to my feet and hands so they are always icy cold. However, that was not what i was going to write about, hahaha.

This morning i woke up feeling positive, despite snoozing for 30 minutes though i blame that on the fact that i couldnt fall asleep yesterday so the hours ticked by and there wasnt many hours of sleep before my alarm rang. And that tiredness hit me hard when i eventually got to school and not to mention that my stomach has been like a black hole, so my thoughts have mostly been on food and sleep.

Today i had two seminariums and for my first one despite having prepared and answered the questions necessary i hadnt actually learnt anything. I have been so mentally exhausted so all i could really do was answer the questions and not actually learn the information, and that showed itself during the seminarium where pretty much all i said was wrong... and now in afterhand i feel so embarrassed. Because some things which i said i know are wrong, but my mind just wasnt co operating. So not so sure if i passed or if i will have to do a complementary assignment, but atleast i know the information somewhat even if i didnt exactly prove it when i had the chance, oh well. After that anyway i had 3,5 hours of waiting time until it was time for my next seminarium. And during that 3,5 hours i got a little work done though my energy levels went from "just had 10 cups of coffee" to "i want to sleep for 48 hours straight" and it just went up and down, up and down... so would have 20 minutes of productivity and then 10 minutes wondering if i should just head home and accept a complementary assignment for the missed seminarium, but i stayed for those 3,5 hours and somehow managed to get myself through the seminarium though not really answering to the best of my capability as i had only done the bare minimum of preparations - once again, mental tiredness. But i think i passed, or i hope so anyway.

And i also left in my essay/report, and not feeling so great with that essay but now ive left it in and can tick that off my list anyway. So it feels like i have a little more room to breathe and little less on my shoulders after today. So this evening i have been able to just eat, rest and watch series and not feel like i have to do anything else as i have been so productive today! Its a nice feeling, and now im ready for tomorrow which is my last lecture of the week and then its just study at home for my test!



Onto other things, it feels good to be back in my own apartment again however i am missing Daisy alot. I dont miss people, maybe a bad quality/trait but thats just how i am, but i do miss my dog and whenever i see people out walking with their dogs or see pictures of people with their dogs i miss Daisy a little extra, hahaha. Its strange how you can miss an animal so much, but not miss other people.... That sounds so awful when i write it XD hahahah. Though i guess i cant write that in any nice way and i just hope that my family and such dont read my blog ^_^


Anyway, to end this post.... my positives of the day:

Sunshine, because even if i havent felt so warm today i can atleast appreciate the sun!
My workout - taking it easy, but it still feels great to workout.
Ticking 3 assignments off my list.

My tattoos... Each time i see them they always make me so happy. Many people dont understand or like tattoos and thats ok, as long as they respect my choice to have them and that i like them. I mean i respect their choice to not like or have tattoos... but for me, i love mine so much and they are a part of me. A part of my life and my history and so much meaning as well as i love the fact that they make m unique (even if my tattoos are far from unique, they are as original as you can be), but they make me who i am. And they remind me to be happy, to reach for my goals, to keep fighting and to keep going no matter how tough it may be, to keep breathing even when i just want to give up but also to keep focusing on the positives and the happiness, let go of the negative and to reach my goals and dreams!!



What are YOUR positives of the day? :)

3 comments:

  1. My positives of day:
    I ate two bowls of porridge in the morning. It makes me happy because yesterday I had a really bad day and ended up bursting into tears and having really awful thoughts when I tried to eat my porridge, and after feeling like shit and wandering around the house for hours without getting anything done, I dragged myself to bed (despite being 4 pm) and only got out of bed today in morning. So this morning, despite being apprehensive about how it would affect my shape, I ate two bowls of porridge instead of one, because I thought I was a bowl indebted and that ignoring it would be cheating my body. I'm actually really proud of myself for that.
    Maybe because I ate more and felt less ashamed for "failing recovery," or maybe because today was a bit warmer compared to the rest of the week (I live in Rio de Janeiro, so although 18 degrees is warm in Sweden, it's pretty cold to me, lol – and this week we had even 11ºC in my town, and I got bad bronchitis), I felt slightly less depressed and sat in the living room with my family to chat a little, and also just finished tidying my room, which always makes me feel much better.

    I couldn't study again today and I'm sad that I can't focus lately. I'm preparing to apply for college and the exam happens 6 months from now, but last month, except for a week or so, I couldn't study at all. Always tired and discouraged. But I'll try and read some papers tonight before going to bed, even if only a couple of pages.

    I also don't really miss people! It's so weird to write, it sounds really awful. But since not missing to be physically around people doesn't mean you don't like them, I think it's not something to be ashamed or something. It's just how you are. After all, you think of your family and acknowledges their and considers their feelings, so it's not awful. I miss my cats when I'm not home, but I don't miss my family in general. Well, I miss them when it's too long a time without seeing them, but then being in their company for a couple of hours is enough and I start to miss my own space. lol

    I'm glad you can relax a little now. You've been sounding quite tired and not in a good place lately. I hope you get good grades, and good job on being productive today despite the ups and downs! Have a good night of tranquility and sleep.

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  2. Today was super warm and sunny where I live, so that made me VERY happy. My mood is definitely influenced by the weather, and warmth is my favourite!! I spent lots of time laying and tanning today :)

    I'm also happy because this weekend is a really important dance competition for me, and I've been practicing so hard all year, and I'm excited to just go and dance my best :)

    Today I also got a massage, so that was a positive!!! Taking personal time for myself (and not feeling guilty about it!) is really hard for me, so that makes it even more special :)

    I'm happy that I'm abet o eat food and enjoy it:) yummy oatmeal for breakfast, salmon salad for lunch, a cinnamon quest bar, and pasta for dinner!! Almost all of my favourite foods in one day!

    Wow, I had a lot of positives today!! It's funny how your brain focuses on the small negatives, until you start talking about how great a day was!! Thank you for your lovely post :) It makes me really happy to see you happy! You inspire each and every day to keep fighting for recovery. Thanks again, Izzy!

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  3. grateful for freedom
    many other things too

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