Life without Anorexia

My motto is
'Dont let the sadness of your past & the fear of your future ruin the happiness of your present'

I am a generally happy girl who loves running, going to the gym and eating food!! Though my life has been very different.
I spent 5 years sick with anorexia nervosia & purging tendencies & over exercising. I was depressed and self harmed. I spent 2 years in different treatment centres.
After alot of struggles, lots of ups and downs, suicide attempts, tears, anxiety, panic and never thinking i would be healthy.
I am now declared healthy from anorexia nervosia.

I have been blogging for 4 years, and my whole journey is written in my posts. I now represent healthy and happiness. I want to show anyone struggling that it is possible to recover, no matter how hard it may seem.

I am happy and healthy and living my life. Going to school, meeting friends and trying to find myself in this world.

I write about my daily life, but also try to write posts about how it was when i was sick, advice and tips.
I am open and friendly, so dont be scared about writing a post or sending me an email at:


Tuesday, May 10, 2016

Feeling bad for being healthy/normal - eating disorder recovery

When you were recovering, did you ever  feel badly about doing well? Like, right now, I almost feel like  eating "normally" (ie not having extreme anxiety at a restaurant for  dinner) makes me worried. Almost like, waiting for the shoe to drop for  when you might relapse because you can't possibly be doing well...or that  being healthy doesn't feel sustainable. I almost can't enjoy getting  healthy, because I feel like it just isn't going to last. hope you're having a good weekend!

I think this question is a really good question and im actually surprised that i havent written anything about it before, but this was something i experienced as well. After spending a long time sick it can feel strange and wrong when you finally begin being more healthy.
  Its like if you always wear jeans and then you suddenly begin wearing a dress/skirt/shorts... it feels weird, it feels different. But that doesnt mean its a bad thing...

Its an uncomfortableness and a newness, its strange. But change can be good and in this case it is good.

The important thing is to stop thinking about relapse - i am someone who strongly believes in that What you think you manifest. So if you are always thinking about relapse, thinking that this healthiness and happiness wont last... then it wont. But like always - What goes up must come down. Unfortunatly this is something that is true.... so what i say is that enjoy it while it lasts. The healthyness will last if that is what you want it to do. Enjoy being able to eat food with out guilt, feel the happiness of it. And feel PROUD. Dont long back to the guilt and anxiety, instead keep doing things that scared you before and enjoy it. Realise that the way you feel is good, its the way you SHOULD feel.

Healthy IS sustainable, as long as you find a balance that works for you. It can be good to stop comparing yourself now to how you were before i.e when you were sick. To not think 'ohh wow i got guilt over this before'.. this is ok sometimes, when you feel really proud over yourself. But you shouldnt have thoughts of, 'wow i should  feel guilty over this' because you shouldnt. Those types of thoughts are wrong.

These feelings of healthy being wrong should pass in time, its just that its new and its different. But its GOOD. These feelings of not getting anxiety, of feeling happy. They are good feelings, they should be what you feel all the time :)


  1. I'm glad you addressed this topic, but I'd like to add one more tip that really helped me with this situation. I definitely struggled with those feelings in my recovery, wondering if I could really sustain what I was doing, if I really could continue to feel happy, whether i even wanted to continue on forever without the misery i was so accustomed to and comfortable with, and worrying that I was simply in some quiet lull before the other shoe dropped and it would all come crashing down again. At these times, it is SO helpful to take a step back, rein things in, and simply focus on today. Stay in the present. When you start thinking in terms of "forever", things can get overwhelming VERY quickly. All you need to do is focus on today. Today, I choose recovery, I choose to feel gratitude for where I am in this moment, I choose to enjoy the peace and happiness I feel right now. Tomorrow does not exist. There is only today, and the choices we are making right now. Before you know it, you have a whole string of today's put together, and all that practice and experience adds up. Recovery takes time to adjust to. Even happiness can take time to adjust to. But soon, it will really be your new "normal", and you will find yourself growing comfortable in it again. Anything new takes time to grow into, but with enough "today's" put together, it will happen. Don't sweat a future that hasn't even happened yet. Celebrate today, and just stay mindful of this moment.

    1. Thank you for writing this, do you mind if i post it? Though i would have to credit you as anonymous, haha :) I think its a lovely reminder to others out there.

  2. This comment has been removed by the author.

    1. Dang it, I just wanted to put a name, not a clickable link. I tried to delete it but it left the link up, grrr. Anyway, let me try this again. Here is my comment that is deleted above:

      Of course I don't mind if you repost my comment : . I comment here pretty frequently, and I keep thinking I should just attach my name to my comments already so you know it's the same person each time, but I've been posting as anon for so long it feels weird to suddenly stop that, lol. Of course, it feels silly now that I've written it out - from now on I'll put a name to my comments. Here we go!

      Okay, /babble. Attempt #2 :)