Life without Anorexia

My motto is
'Dont let the sadness of your past & the fear of your future ruin the happiness of your present'

My life at the moment is completely different to how it once was. I spent 5 years sick with anorexia nervosia and depression as well as struggling with self harm and overexercising. I spent 2 years in different treatment centres.
And since 2012 i have been declared healthy from my eating disorder.

I have been blogging for 7 years, and my whole journey is written in my posts. I now represent healthy and happiness. I want to show anyone struggling that it is possible to recover, no matter how hard it may seem.

I now blog about recovery, my life, veganism and positivity!

If you have any questions leave them in the comment section as i am much quicker at answering there, otherwise you can always send an email: lifewithoutanorexia@hotmail.com

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Sunday, May 15, 2016

Eurovision, pizza and anxiety attack

Hello :)

Who else watched the Eurovision yesterday? I watched with my family and my boyfriend joined even if he doesnt ejoy the show.... but then again who enjoys it 100% ? I watch it "just because" rather than because i enjoy it... Its a tradition to watch it in my family, so thats the main reason!

I am not going to comment so much about the actual show or anything, more that the show is fun to watch but then you forget about the songs the day after and dont remember who actually won until its Eurovision again!!

The best part about yesteday though was the pizza! We all made our own pizzas with different pizza bases and different topings, and of course mine always seems to be different from the rest, but it was 150% enjoyable which is the most important thing!! And the snacks afterwards ^_^ 

It was a nice evening though i didnt get to sleep until around 2am and then i was up at 7am, though i felt great and lots of energy when i woke up. But then later in the day i felt this panic, sadness and anxiety kicking in and before i knew it i was having a full blown anxiety attack with shaking, almost tears and just sort of spacing out as well as dizziness. The worst thing was that i had to sit on public transport feeling that way and then when i got to my boyfriends house i had to just curl into a ball on the bed and let the anxiety attack pass. I hate when i get such strong feelings or emotions like that when i am with others because it feels like i really ruin the mood and ruin the day for everyone, not to mention that i cant really communicate how i am feeling or what is going on in my mind (not to mention that i dont even know why i got so much anxiety), so then its just like silence from me when i sit there trying to not cry and trying to breathe properly.  But after an hour i was beginning to feel like myself again so hopefully i can make the rest of the day better anyway, haha.
But the best advice when it comes to anxiety or anxiety attacks.... ride it out. Just sit with others or sit on your own and know that the anxiety and feelings will pass, it wont harm you. Only you can harm yourself if you allow those emotions to get the better of you, but you are strong enough to go against them. Just take deep breaths, allow yourself to cry if you need to. Write or draw or listen to music, know that the feelings will pass and you just got to deal with them when they are there. Just remember to not do anything stupid when you have such strong emotions, because you will regret it afterwards!!

Anxiety will pass remember that!! 

I have some posts that might help if you get alot of anxiety:



For now i am going to watch a movie, eat something and just allow myself to feel tired and do absaloutly nothing as that is what i need right now. 

Have a lovely Sunday everyone and make the best of the day no matter what happened yesterday or a few hours ago or a few moments ago. Let go and move on :)

19 comments:

  1. How come you don't eat "normal" pizza?

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    1. I don't actually like pizza but I do eat it at times. But now I'm eating plant based and rhe pizza crust they ate contained milk and eggs and I've made the choice to not eat those... not for restrictive or fear reasons but for ethical reasons. But I don't want to trigger anyone so I avoid writing about it and wasn't even so sure I wanted to post the photos as I did eat different and I don't want anyone to get triggered by that thinking "why did I not eat normal pizza?" Because there is nothing wrong with normal pizza and if you enjoy it that's great but I've eaten pizza plenty of times and never liked it.

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    2. Ah ok. Though you know you can make vegan pizza crust with the standard flour and such? :) It will be more like ordinary pizza! :)

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    3. I am glad you posted this, you know why? I am recovered myself and it took a while for me to realise that after anorexia YOU CAN make choices like this... I am aware of the fact, that it can be triggering to many BUT YOU CAN GIVE A VERY GOOD EXPLANATION and with that I am sure it can be understandable. Just like when for example I share my own experience with depression or self-harm, I tell people how I changed during this period of time! It's the same, you are at a very awesome point in your life when you can start recreating your habits freely.. continue BEING PROUD OF IT, SHARE IT - because then those who are struggling will see that it is possible to live a "completely normal" life! :) You are doing a great job!!
      Helga

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    4. I think it is awesome that your diet is plant based now? How long that is been like that? I havent really visited your blog recently, so i did not know that you have changed your diet. I am also vegan and i hope you are posting some cool recipe ideas and stuff you have tried aswell.
      Keep it up :)

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    5. Thank you :) I'm going to write more about my changes and why and how I feel and such in a few weeks time. Now I'm just trying it out - and I love it and feel so great physically and mentally (of course anxiety and such doesn't go away just because I change my diet. . But otherwise I'm definitely not thinking as negatively as before ). But I'm going to give it a few more weeks and make sure that my body and mind are still healthy and that it's a sustainable lifestyle change :) and to jenna: next time I'll try with a different pizza Base. .. its always fun to try new things and now I can be very creative with recipes and such :)

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  2. Hi. Sorry my question isn't at all related to your post, but do you have a good relationship with your parents? And if so, how? For me it is very hard because they do so many things that trigger my eating disorder.

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    1. Yeah i do have a good relationship with them, but it hasnt always been that way i.e when i was sick our relationship was very strained.
      As i began to recover and SHOW i was recovering and doing better i began to earn the trust of my mum and that improved our relationship, when she didnt have to be so worried over me all the time. But it took a very long time to actually have full trust from her again, she was still very worried over me and watched me like a hawk even when i was doing and feeling better. I would talk to your parents about what they do and why it triggers you and maybe what you can all do together to solve the problem? Communication is key but know that sometimes what parents have to do to help you can be triggering such as if they watch you eat and prepare food or always keep an eye on you, or dont allow you to be on your own etc those things can be triggering but it is also for your best. Bbut maybe there are things they can change which can help you or make it easier for you, but then you have to talk to them :)

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  3. *hugs* <3
    take care, Izzy.

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  4. Just curious, have you ever been diagnosed with anxiety disorder? You seem to be aware of struggling with anxiety, but you've never mentioned being diagnosed with it. Anyways I hope you are feeling better, considering your panick attack AND generally <3

    StuDYING maths for my exam on Friday over here :)

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    1. I dont talk about my problems so i have never gone to get help for my depression or anxiety this time round. I most probably should but the first step is talking about it to family and then getting help... but the thing is i dont know if i want a diagnosis. Thank you so much, and good luck with your exam!!! Studying definitely isnt so fun but once the test is over it usually feels a little bit better, hopefully anyway :)

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  5. have you seen the funny Fiona Apple video about anxiety attacks? It's less than 2mins long ...
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xCgT12-d_a4

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    1. I havent seen it yet so i will check it out as soon as i get the time, thank you for leaving the link :)

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  6. Your pizza looks delicious!! How did you make the dough/base? :) hope you're feeling a bit better!!

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    1. I used Cauliflower, flax eggs (i.e flax seeds and water as an egg replacement. ) corn starch and lots of seasoning and salt. There are plenty of recipes online for Cauliflower pizza but I just improvised :) it was delicious but there are so many different pizza bases you can make now a days!!

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  7. Hi Izzy - could you tell me how you made your pizza base? I love pizza but can`t have the normal bases because of the milk and egg content (intolerances) so one that hasn't got either in sounds great! That's if you don`t mind writing about your dietry changes just yet?

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  8. oops - I`ve just seen the above reply, couldn't get the comments to write out just now. Thanks for this idea, I`ll google cauliflower and see what recipe ideas come up. Many thanks!

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  9. Hope you`re feeling better now and your anxieties have passed - maybe it was a result of all the stress you have been under studying for your test? I hope you managed to have a restful rest of the weekend.
    I watched Eurovision , although not in its entirety due to live speedway also being on (my partner is a huge fan). I gather speedway is quite big in Sweden?
    As predicted, UK was another embarrassment this year!
    Have a good week :)

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