Life without Anorexia

My motto is
'Dont let the sadness of your past & the fear of your future ruin the happiness of your present'

My life at the moment is completely different to how it once was. I spent 5 years sick with anorexia nervosia and depression as well as struggling with self harm and overexercising. I spent 2 years in different treatment centres.
And since 2012 i have been declared healthy from my eating disorder.

I have been blogging for 7 years, and my whole journey is written in my posts. I now represent healthy and happiness. I want to show anyone struggling that it is possible to recover, no matter how hard it may seem.

I now blog about recovery, my life, veganism and positivity!

If you have any questions leave them in the comment section as i am much quicker at answering there, otherwise you can always send an email:


Monday, May 23, 2016

Back home, back to school and last week before my summer break

Hello all my lovely readers :) And also thank you for all the lovely and concerned messages i have recieved the past two days on all my different social media. I am back home now and feeling better which is the important thing. The pain is gone, mostly apart from some food causes extra pain and i cant eat so much at a time as that causes some pain, but the good thing was that it was nothing too serious, however i will be having a full body check up with blood tests, x rays and different tests in 2 weeks time so then they might find out if it was something else they should be concerned about. But as long as i am feeling better and can atleast eat and drink something then it seems like things are ok anyway!!

Over these few days i have recieved a few worried comments/emails wondering if i had overdosed or tried to commit suicide, and that my stomach pain was just a "cover up" story. When i first recieved a concered message asking me this i was shocked, and then when i recieved a few more i was even more shocked. No, i did not try to commit suicide or overdose. It was my pancreas/an inflamed pancrease which can happen due to CF as well as that ihave gallstones which makes it even more probable to happen. If i had tried to overdose or commit suicide i would be very honest about it on here, as well as that i would most likely be forced into psychiatric treatment or to recieve some type of therapy/help or calming medication. In the past when i overdosed and ended up in hospital i was pretty much "out of it" the whole time.... back in 2011 when it happened i apparently fainted on the floor, began having seizures, an ambulance was called and they apparently lifted me out of the apartment, i was driven in the ambulance and then was in the emergency room where i got IV drop and things and was questioned about what i had taken, how much and when as well as why but i was so out of it that i dont think i actually answered anything.... and then i was moved to the kids section and i just remember waking up the morning after and having no idea what had happened or why i was in all hospital, all i really remember was having such extreme anxiety, and the anxiety was still there/worse when i woke up and found out what had happened and began to worry about what was going to happen....   Ovverdosing is not something i would ever want to do again. And i believe that i have more positivity in my life and more life motivation to keep myself going even during the tough times!!!

So now i have answered that, to anyone else who had worried that my story was a "cover up".

I was released yesterday and it felt amazing to get outside and to be home again! The first thing i did was walk to the store to buy the food i wanted/needed (the whole process took an hour when usually it takes 20 minutes because 1) i had no energy in my body or mind and just wandered around the store because mentally i wanted food but my body just said "no" so my mind wanted to put every single item into my basket and my body made me put everything back. In the past it was the opposite, hahaha XD But i bought the food i wanted and food that seemed managable to eat!), and then i made myself some food and spent the rest of the day in bed watching series. I felt so physically and mentally exhausted which is understandable, even if i havent done anything physical for several days now it feels like i have been run over by a truck, and it doesnt help that because of the pain i have felt/feel it doesnt make eating easy. So the goal is to eat high fat/high calorie food in as big/small portions i can and hopefully that works as well as extra soy/oat milk to add calories.

^^Pretty much me yesterday!

Today it was back to school and this week i have 3 seminarium which i needed to do quite a bit of work and studying for and because we have had a few weeks to prepare for them i couldnt blame my weekend in hospital as to why i hadnt gotten the work done. So i headed into school for 8am this morning and did all the work/study done before my first seminarium and also finished all the work for my last two seminarium. So now i guess you could say i am school work free, and i just need to present my work/be present at the seminarium!!! It feels great but also a little scary, i mean... What happens now?

I will be moving back home most likely next week, but as i still pay rent for the whole of June and my furniture will still be in the room until the end of June i can still come and go as i like i.e if i need some time alone i can just travel to my apartment, hahaa. But it does feel a little nice to spend some time at home with my family and my dog because if i am honest... i feel very shaken up about my weekend experience. I cant quite explain it but it has left me with alot of anxiety, worry and tiredness and i feel like all i need right now is to be around my family for a while and just have the comfort of home especially as i amnt completely pain free. So then its nice to know that if the extreme pain returns then someone will be there to help.

Anyway, this became a very long post but i thought i would just write out my current situation and feels ;)

Also... i have NO creativity or inspiration for posts, so please comment below or on other posts about questions you have or topic suggestions or just feedback or something, as i dont know what to post. Its like my mind is empty... so maybe you have some weekly suggestion of post i can do or some blog challenge or something you have seen other bloggers do which i can also do etc!! Would be very helpful :)


  1. I´m really happy for you that you get to be home again! Take it easy now for a while.

    For some post/blogging ideas:
    -vegan/vegetarian party food ideas for graduation parties
    -graduation gift ideas?
    -the best online nutrition resources
    -are you planning on trying any new types of sports? Or would you like to try something?

    I hope you find inspiration from these ideas

    Have a good week <3

    1. Thank you so much, have a great week you yoo!!

  2. I'm so glad to hear you're feeling better!! Please rest and take it easy. That is the beset medicine you can give your body right now.
    I am sort of in the same boat as you at the moment...I just had my bottom wisdom teeth taken out, and I don't feel like eating at all :/ I've been drinking a lot of smoothies with protein powder, scrambled eggs with cheese, and oatmeal. Despite being super lazy these last couple of days :p I feel like I have no energy :'( But I'm trying my best!!

    I hope you feel better soon. Enjoy the last week of classes! I can't wait until my summer vacation starts. Do you have any plans? Or anything you'd really like to do?

    1. Ouch, i have heard getting your wisdom teeth taken out hurts alot. So i hope you are starting to feel better now, and feel more enegertic soon :)

  3. You are such a lovely person, Izzy. Take care, XX Hope you get some good rest.

    1. Thank you :) I'm feeling more like myself today which is great and also energetic and have an appetite again!! So feels awesome :)

  4. Have you considered writing a book about your experience with Anorexia?
    If you wanted to learn another language, what would you choose?
    Do you still colour pictures to relax?

  5. I am so glad you are feeling a bit better and are out of hospital - these days that follow you must make sure you eat as well as you can and rest, its good that you are going home to your family, you need a little tlc right now and your mum will be able to take care of you.
    As for post suggestions
    what to do when you know you`re having a relapse
    what I have learnt/achieved today
    what I am doing now/done that this time last year I never thought would be possible
    my plans for the summer
    What is ok health wise, sugar or sweetners? Many fizzy drinks and most squashes these days are sugar free -ie have sweetners - is this ok health wise and how much should you have each day? what are the effects of sweetners on the body and should you limit them?
    my 5 favourite ways to cheer myself up
    I hope you manage to rest and continue to recover. Its so good to see you back! Take care (())

    1. Thank you :):) I will try answer these in some posts over time :) And i love the "what i have learnt/achieved today" idea!

  6. A post series about your experience with depression would be good. Like once a week or something. Some ideas could be your personal history with depression, different factual/advice posts, posts where you talk about how the last week or whatever was, the things you did or didn't do to manage your depression, posts about things or goals you plan to try (like talking to your mom, or calling a counsellor, or trying meditation or journalling, etc) and then follow-up posts about how that went and if you met your goal/whether it was helpful or not, posts about depression after an ED, the link between EDs and depression, guest posts from others who have managed to heal their depression or at least learned to manage it. (This was more or less my comment earlier that got eaten. I think it could be interesting and definitely relevant to you and your readers. Life after an ED isn't always smooth sailing. Sometimes there is more left to address. This was certainly the case for me.

    I hope you are feeling better now. That must have been terrifying. Having your body physically turn on you is incredibly scary - and it makes you realize how fortunate we are to suffer from an illness (EDs) in which we have a choice in our recovery. Physical illnesses are often completely out of our control, it's a whole different ballgame entirely. Take care of yourself.

    1. Loops, that comment was supposed to be on your post that asked for ideas, sorry.

    2. posts about depression would be useful and interesting to me too - that's if its not too intrusive right now?

    3. Thank you :) I'll keep this in mind, but at the same time i dont want to write too much about my depression as i feel like it would just be too negative on my blog. But maybe i'll make a weekly thing out of it, like how i have coped with how i have felt or what i have done when i have felt anxious or panicked etc But i would definitely like some guest posts about people who have recovered from depression, that would definitely inspire myself and others... so i'll see if anyone might want to contribute :)

    4. I`m willing to share my "story" if you go ahead with this topic - although not 100% recovered I am what they term as in "remission" and life is pretty much stable now. I`m willing to share my experiences of the early days and how I coped and got through it to where I am now, if it`ll help any one?

    5. It is your call and your judgement, but my hunch is that it probably wouldn't seem "just too negative" but almost the opposite: I think when one knows that a friend struggles, but he/she won't talk about it for fear of being negative or clouding the atmosphere it often has the reverse effect -- the cloud is that one knows and wants to share it with them as best one can, but the person chooses not to accept you. It's very touching and one is really grateful if people do share, and the positivity is in being able to trust and share it together. It may be you cannot do so, or it may be that I am wrong, or it may be that for the blog it is not appropriate, as you say --- it is your call and your judgement. Take care, and I really hope all goes well for you.

  7. how has your course gone? what have you enjoyed? which bits of your own work were you most pleased with? are there things you wish you'd known before you started? might you do anything differently when you start a new course?

  8. Has your course made you re think or influenced your diet in any way?

  9. suggested topic: relationship & comparison between "cravings" (which a healthy person can have) and "compulsions" (which are unhealthy)? I'd be interested :) But please don't worry if you haven't time for this one - it doesn't matter :)