Life without Anorexia

My motto is
'Dont let the sadness of your past & the fear of your future ruin the happiness of your present'

My life at the moment is completely different to how it once was. I spent 5 years sick with anorexia nervosia and depression as well as struggling with self harm and overexercising. I spent 2 years in different treatment centres.
And since 2012 i have been declared healthy from my eating disorder.

I have been blogging for 7 years, and my whole journey is written in my posts. I now represent healthy and happiness. I want to show anyone struggling that it is possible to recover, no matter how hard it may seem.

I now blog about recovery, my life, veganism and positivity!

If you have any questions leave them in the comment section as i am much quicker at answering there, otherwise you can always send an email:


Tuesday, April 5, 2016

You have to want to be healthy for yourself and pick yourself up after the tough times



    I know exactly how you feel. I suffered from depression since I can remember being aware of the world around me...
    Unfortunately, we cannot choose who we are born as or our circumstances in life. We can only choose how we react to them. This is what defines is in life.
    If anyone knows how you feel right now, it is me. I was hysterical and cried for two or three days straight when I found out I would be going to the clinic. I found out on my 16th birthday.
    I can tell you one thing though. It may not help, but it is very true: you will look back in a year and see that all the shit in your life has helped you to become a stronger, more compassionate person.
    My mum once told me that people who are truely intelligent and talented in life have a burden. Because they are different to most people, they feel this. It often makes them feel like an outsider, and it makes them constantly question themselves and the world around them. This makes them punish themselves for the things they don't understand, and the things they can't control. It is important to understand and accept this.
    The reality is, your eating disorder is punishing yourself for something you shouldn't be punishing yourself for: the fact that you are different and SPECIAL. You have a gift in life of awareness and intelligent and maturity beyond your years, and this is hard to live with. However, you must try to find a way if understanding yourself and what actually brings you fulfillment and joy in life.
    For me, my eating disorder was a way of trying to fill a hole inside of me , like you said, the hole of feeling like you are never really alive. Loosing weight and being able to manipulate yourself is a way of feeling in control and "alive", but it will never last or be able to bring you true satisfaction or fulfillment.
    Now I know that what really makes me feel alive is when I paint or write. It's when I am with nature. I try to be grateful everytime I walk out of the house for being in a world where I can look up at the sky, and hear birds singing. Where stars shine at night. How amazing is it that we can see huge balls of fire, millions of light years away, burning in a universe that is constantly expanding?
    When I feel shitty and insignificant and tiny, I find myself facing two options: the first one is the typical train of thought of a depressive. That I am useless and no one cares if I die and the world would be better off without me.
    But now I tell myself this: well, I am only one of 6 billion + humans. If I die, it won't affect that many people. But then, if I am lucky enough to be alive, and to have the opportunity to enjoy my life, I might as well make the fucking most of it, right? I am going to die one day, and I want to look back and see that I have done what I have wanted and spent my life showing the people around me how much I love them.
    I know you probably hate yourself right now. I know that you probably feel absolutely awful. You probably feel like you are at the bottom of a pit of shame, self loathing, and disgust.
    You know what? Can I tell you a secret? THAT IS OKAY.
    Each day is the opportunity for a new start. It is hard, but everything worth it in life is. I promise you, if you let go of a tiny bit of tension each day, it will slowly become easier.
    Tell yourself this: I am okay. I am me. It is okay to be me. It is okay to accept myself the way I am.
    You will slowly start to BELEIVE it.

    I really hope this helps. I know how hard this is. Message me any time you need me. I am thinking of you. Just remember,
    You may not like yourself very much, but a rose never become a rose without having to pass through the dirt to see the sun.

  2. This is a lovely post - very thought provoking

  3. Thku for sharing x