I get alot questions asking me when things will get better? When you will feel more normal? Healthy? When the thoughts will go away?
And the fact is, I can't tell you that. It's not that you gain weight, reach a healthy weight and suddenly you are normal and healthy. Of course being a healthier weight helps you easier fight your mental thoughts as when you are undernourished and underweight it's harder to think properly.
BUT all your thoughts, your fears, anxieties and behaviours they will still be there until YOU change them. Don't sit and wait for a miracle or hope that someone else will get rid of the thoughts for you. Don't think I will change tomorrow or ill do this behaviour or compensate just once because that's not how it works.
10 years from now, if YOU don't change anything you will still live with your control issues, with your fears and anxieties. Still have your behaviours and habits which restrict you from living a truly healthy life.
Is that how you want it? To be in the exact same position because you ate too scared to make a change? It is scary
.. but you know what is more scary? To live a life of regret? Where you know that you CAN change and make things better, you just haven't dared. That is pretty damn depressing. You need to learn to step outside of your comfort zone. But also fight the actual problem behind your eating disorder. Because you are not doing all of this just to lose weight and be skinny. ... its more than that. And until you begin facing the actual problem and making a change in life then expect yourself to live in the same bubble 5-10 years from now.... or until you dare to make a change.