At the moment i am definitely lacking energy, a mental energy anyway and just an overall lack of motivation which i guess stems from having so little energy. A combination of lots of stress - feeling the stress creeping in like a silent and dark cloud which begins to roll over my head and weigh heavy on my shoulders. Feeling the tiredness pulling me down and making every movement and every thought so much harder, wanting to just sleep and not do anything at all... but at the same time there is that constant stress over the work load over how much i need to do. But there are only few hours of the day that i actually have the energy to do any of that, otherwise my energy is like blown away.
The stress and tiredness combined has lead me to feel very sad and down today, just an overall sadness which i cant explain why. Just that feeling when you want to cry for no reason at all, where you want to isolate yourself from everyone and anyone and dont want anyone to look at you. The days where you play your music super loud and hide from the world and can appear rude when in reality you are just trying to keep yourself from falling apart and crying on the bus. That can explain my day and feelings... and once i got home it was just to make myself dinner and then do absaloulty nothing because there was no motivation or energy left inside of me to do anything. Though today was a good day to remind myself of my newest tattoo.... Focusing on the present happiness. Despite those sad feelings and the overwhelming tiredness and stress, there is something good in everyday... as long as i look for it and choose to feel the positivity and happiness. So that is what i did and i found that some of my positives of the day were:
My gym workout - not the best one, but it was nice to be back at the gym after a very long time (Ok, long time for me! ) not being at the gym due to illness and a busy weekend and just overall tiredness.
My simple dinner
Chocolate.... because chocolate fixes most problems (Not really, but i mean it doesnt harm either!)
Just the small positives in a rather dreary and negative day. But i want YOU to share YOUR positives of the day!!! I used to always do "positives of the day"... but then it got so much harder to be positive and my positives just became the same thing.... coffee, actually leaving the house, working out... and well, it got a little monotone to write that especially when life didnt feel positive at all and it just felt fake to try to be so positive or write positives of the day. But now i want to get back onto it, because i actually LOVE when you - my readers - share positives from your days or just small things from your life or your day or thoughts, i love the communication and hearing about other peoples positives thoughts, events or progresses is always motivating!
I actually saw on another persons blog that they were going to do a Happiness May challenge where everyday they write a post about a certain thing that makes them happy/something along that lines, and i thought i might do that myself... but create my own version. And if you would also be interested you can either do the challenge on your own blog (and leave links to your posts so i can read them) or comment in the comment section something positive. Would that be something interesting for you to read or participate in? Of course you dont need to comment everyday but now and again? The whole month of May with a happiness post each day, it might be fun to do!
Anyway, now before i go to bed (its only 9.30pm, but i am not even ashamed of going to bed this "early", after months of 4 hours of sleep and falling asleep at 2 or 3am, i am just happy with the fact that i feel and can sleep!) i am going to remind myself of my tattoo quote:
Dont let the sadness of your past or the fear of your future ruin the happiness of your present