Life without Anorexia

My motto is
'Dont let the sadness of your past & the fear of your future ruin the happiness of your present'

My life at the moment is completely different to how it once was. I spent 5 years sick with anorexia nervosia and depression as well as struggling with self harm and overexercising. I spent 2 years in different treatment centres.
And since 2012 i have been declared healthy from my eating disorder.

I have been blogging for 7 years, and my whole journey is written in my posts. I now represent healthy and happiness. I want to show anyone struggling that it is possible to recover, no matter how hard it may seem.

I now blog about recovery, my life, veganism and positivity!

If you have any questions leave them in the comment section as i am much quicker at answering there, otherwise you can always send an email: lifewithoutanorexia@hotmail.com

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Thursday, April 7, 2016

Recovering from an eating disorder when your partner is trying to lose weight/diet

Hi!
My boyfriend is right now on a cut (he have been bulking before) and I really want to be supportive about all this, but it's kind of hard do I have a ED-problematic that goes way back. He tries not to talk about his cut and calories (i asked him not to because i know that will trigger me), but it's hard for him not to talk about calories when he counts everything he eats. He can't even eat popcorn if we're watching a movie, and thats really triggering me. Because i can't eat popcorn alone, i'm not that far in my recovery. I can eat stuff alone, or if someone else eats it to. But not be the only one who eats it. 

I actually don't know what to do. Because I know how important this is to him & I really want to be supportive in all this, but all this trigger me so much. Everything is about the gym, his training and how he eats. He doesn't have a "cheat-day" so he's going all in every day. I'm just feeling like I'm a really bad girlfriend, and I really try to not be trigged, but i can't help it. Have you some advice for me so I can go trough this, because right now it seems impossible.


Hello,

I've thought alot about this question before answering because it isnt an easy question to answer, because the truth is that the problem lies within you. You can not control the fact that your boyfriend is on a diet/cut, it is a choice he has made and it can definitely be triggering when you are in recovery but i am sure he doesnt think about that, but also he is focused on his own goal which is fatloss/weightloss. There will always be people dieting or trying to lose weight, or people trying extreme diets or magazines posting extreme diet tips etc and it is important to be able to cope with those triggers and not let them bother you. Of course its one thing to have a girl in the class diet and try to lose weight and another thing when it is someone very close to you and you spend alot of time with them, but once again... the problem is within you and not him. 

But i would suggest talkin to him, you cant change what he is doing but maybe have a communication about how you feel? I dont know whether he complains about a diet or weighs food infront of you or talks about calories or macros? If he does any of those things and it bothers you, you can always mention it? I guess the thing is to be understanding of each other and each others goals.

Your goal is recovery and balance with food (and if you need to gain weight, as well?), whereas his goal is weightloss/fatloss... so you both have two different goals and means that you need to eat in two different ways. And i am sure he is aware of the fact that you dont need to diet and arent on a diet so you will eat more frequently or bigger meals. I do hope that he doesnt make any comments about your food though or what/how often you eat? If he does and that is triggering, then that is something you can talk about and something he can change.

But back to part one, it is important to realise that the problem is within you and you need to cope with those triggers and overcome the fear. You need to be able to listen to your body and eat when you are hungry or just "Because" and not feel guilty or embarrassed. I can say from personal experience when i first began to date my boyfriend i did find it awkward when i was still hungry or wanted to eat but he wasnt... he doesnt eat so much and is pretty much never hungry and when he is hungry he eats like chocolate or pizza... and at first i didnt want to eat if he wasnt going to eat as well or didnt want to mention that i was hungry. But at some point i realised just how stupid it was.... we eat differently and just because he wasnt hungry or didnt want to eat didnt mean that i shouldnt eat. Everyone controls their own eating and it is important to do what is best for yourself and not just what others are doing. 

I would say communication is key and also dealing with that trigger inside of you. Maybe take a handful of popcorn to begin with and even if he isnt eating, allow yourself to eat anyway. He has made the choice to go on a diet so then HE has to deal with the fact that others will eat around him even when he isnt eating, or if you eat differently at meal times, just like you have the choice to eat the amount your body needs and when you are hungry even if others arent eating at the same time or eating the same amount.

I have a few posts about family/friends dietiing or eating a certain way while  in recovery which i will link below and might  be helpful. But i hope this helps somewhat, even though i know its not the best advice... it is a trick situation, but the problem needs to be solved within yourself and daring to eat even if others arent eating.

Dont let others eating habits affect you
What to do when family/friends are dieting around you
What to do when friends are dieting (2nd answer)
When friends or family are on diets
Weight gain while your family/partner tries to lose weight

Focus on you and remember that you are in recovery
Eating even though others arent hungry

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