Life without Anorexia

My motto is
'Dont let the sadness of your past & the fear of your future ruin the happiness of your present'

I am a generally happy girl who loves running, going to the gym and eating food!! Though my life has been very different.
I spent 5 years sick with anorexia nervosia & purging tendencies & over exercising. I was depressed and self harmed. I spent 2 years in different treatment centres.
After alot of struggles, lots of ups and downs, suicide attempts, tears, anxiety, panic and never thinking i would be healthy.
I am now declared healthy from anorexia nervosia.

I have been blogging for 4 years, and my whole journey is written in my posts. I now represent healthy and happiness. I want to show anyone struggling that it is possible to recover, no matter how hard it may seem.

I am happy and healthy and living my life. Going to school, meeting friends and trying to find myself in this world.

I write about my daily life, but also try to write posts about how it was when i was sick, advice and tips.
I am open and friendly, so dont be scared about writing a post or sending me an email at:


Tuesday, April 12, 2016

Reader questions part 2: Studying nutrition, working out, weight gain

Anyway, just a random thought/ question. Do you think you'd be studying nutrition/ dietetics if you never had an ED? I am recovered but I'm still fascinated by the metabolism and macros, etc but I don't know if this is the old ED part of me that finds food fascinating. I don't know, maybe it's an unhealthy degree choice for me.

At times it can feel like everyone who recovers from an eating disorder suddenly becomes a personal trainer, a dietician or a health coach... but that is of course not the case. Many people who recover from an eating disorder dont have anything to do with nutrition or exercise because it is a trigger or something they want to stay away from after their eating disorder. When you have an eating disorder, it changes you.... you spend alot of time focused on food and calories and then after an eating disorder it might still be there.. but it is important to know yourself whether it is the eating disorder or whether it is genuine interest.
  My eating disorder behaviour started when i was 12 and back then i had no idea what i wanted to be or do when i was older, my aim was to be an engineer as i loved science and technology as well as maths, but i have always been very good at maths and science and those were my favourite subjects but work wise i didnt really know what i wanted to be when i was an adult. And after my eating disorder when i was recovered/focusing on full recovery i didnt have an aim to be a dietician or personal trainer or work with health... it interested me, but what i loved most was helping others from my past experience and food and nutrition as well as how the body works has always interested me. And then as i did alot of reading and research on my own and realised how i wanted to know more but also how much i really loved exercise and eating healthy and having a balance i realised that what i wanted to do was to help people reach THEIR balance and health.... so being a dietician isnt really my dream job, i mean i dont want to sit in a hospital and write meal plans for people (of course being a dietician is so much more than that), but i do want to work with nutrition and maybe exercise and be more of a health coach rather than just working with nutrition, but the balance of thoughts, life, exercise and nutrition.
As i recovered i found what interested me and what i was good at. I dont think i would have wanted to study nutrition back when i was 12 or to help people, but then again i barely knew what i wanted to do during the weekend nonetheless what i wanted to work with in 15 years time.

Inside i think you know whether nutrition and interest in food is a part of your eating disorder or not.

Have you lost weight? You looked like you had in your snap? 

I dont weigh myself so i dont know... but the last time i weighed myself - weeks ago - i had gained 2kg.  But keep in mind, i do have a cold at the moment and when you have a cold you generally look a lot weaker and thinner and not as vibrant and healthy!

1.i want to be like you.strong,energetic,happy. You really have a beautiful body and you are really pretty. I want to get a body like you, but i have no idea how to start. I dont know how much and what should i exercise, ehat food should i eat... Do you think i should go and visit a dietetian? Do you have any advices how to start working out?
Thank you, first off i need to remind you that the way my body looks is due to genetics and lifestyle but also that i have been going to the gym for 4 years which has shaped my body. And second of all, i cant tell you what and how to eat or what and how to exercise.... your aim should be health and what is healthy for you, not just a goal body. What you should focus on is your health, physical and mental, that is what will make you feel best. I have spent far too many years of my life focusing just on my body and looking a certain way and it never made me happy because there was always something wrong with my appearance and something that needed to be changed. But when i focused on exercise as enjoyment and not just trying to reach a goal body, as well as eating balanced and focusing on being healthy then i lived a healthy and happy life but also felt the best i had.

If you struggle with how much to eat i.e you either eat too little or eat too much then it can be good to go to a dietician and also if you want to start working out it can be good to meet a PT just to get some advice. However be wary of which PT or dietician you go to as there are many who just give a "one size fits all" and dont really take into consideration the individual and what their goals are or their history.

When you start to workout 1) Try different forms of exercise and find which you enjoy the most 2) Make sure to eat enough and 3) Enjoy the workout you do. Sure it is tough at times, but it should be something you enjoy, then you will see the results and also feel your best because you do it because you enjoy it and if you do a form of exercise regularly your body and mind will feel healthier!

2. I am almost 18 and i still dont have a boyfriend... I have never had a boyfriend and i feel so bad:( i think that i will stay single forever and thats hurting me so bad. Youve got a bf, do you have any advices? Should i just wait for the right one to come?
You are not alone in those types of thoughts... thinking that you will be single forever or that no one will love you. That is  NOT true. Trust me, i have friends who are 20/21 and have never had a boyfriend and even my sister who is older than me has friends who have never had a boyfriend/girlfriend, and you know what... that is ok. One thing you will regret is being with someone just to say you have a boyfriend/girlfriend. You are not alone or strange and being 18 and not having had a boyfriend, there is nothing strange with that. Focus on you, on being healthy and happy and living life. Sooner or later you will find someone you click with and someone who wants to be with you and then it will feel right (hopefully!), but rushing into a relationship just because isnt going to be the best of choices.

I have a post about being single vs. in a relationship which might be helpful, or a reminder:

Otherwise i can recommend reading this: post

3. I am having a psychotherapy three times a week and i wonder how much time is going to be to become healthy like you? I have anorexia for 3 years and it became a lifesyle for me...

I can't tell you how long it will take to recover as it is very different and depends on how proactive you are in making changes and facing fears. How much you want to recover and how hard you are working towards full recovery. For me, even after i was declared healthy i still had things to work on..... so full recovery is something you just "Know" and not just something written on a piece of paper or something someone tells you. When you can live life free of the demons in your mind and you dont feel the need to compensate, you dont feel guilty for eating or resting and you have balance with your body and body image, then you feel healthy and recovered.
  Full recovery can take years and not something that happens in a few weeks, but going to treatment and talking to someone will definitely help you. So keep up with treatment and keep working towards recovery and you will eventually be fully recovered :)

Note, i was declared healthy autumn 2012, but i didnt feel fully free until around 2014/2015... dont quite know when... but there was a difference. I think in a way you continue to grow and realise that things you did in the past werent the best just like in a few years from now i might look back and realise that habits i had or things i did werent so great but i grow and learn from them. So even if they have nothing to do with an eating disorder, you always continue to grow and learn hopefully and continue to make changes!

You can not put a deadline or timeframe on recovery, but if you work hard towards it all the time then you will be fully recovered some day, but the hard work has to come from YOU.


  1. Izzy,thank you soooo much for your answers<333

  2. Hi izzy would you mind helping me. Ive been told im drinking too much liquid and i need to reduce it. I drink to fill up & for thirst. I had been having 8000ml but now down to 4500ml but i am unsure how much to go down to cos im finding it v hard and also worried bout getting hungry.

    1. I'm going to try answer this in a post today or tomorrow.