Life without Anorexia
My motto is 'Dont let the sadness of your past & the fear of your future ruin the happiness of your present'
My life at the moment is completely different to how it once was. I spent 5 years sick with anorexia nervosia and depression as well as struggling with self harm and overexercising. I spent 2 years in different treatment centres.
And since 2012 i have been declared healthy from my eating disorder.
I have been blogging for 7 years, and my whole journey is written in my posts. I now represent healthy and happiness. I want to show anyone struggling that it is possible to recover, no matter how hard it may seem.
I now blog about recovery, my life, veganism and positivity!
If you have any questions leave them in the comment section as i am much quicker at answering there, otherwise you can always send an email: firstname.lastname@example.org
Tuesday, April 26, 2016
PMS, stress, hormones
Do you have any experience with PMS? I've recently gotten my period back in a regular pattern. I've got BPD also, and every month when i get my period I get really really bad nightmares and suicidal thoughts. Now I am trying to stop seeing my therapist as much and learn to manage independently, but I'm also doing my exams and today I just lost it in lesson and cried my heart out (it was very embarrassing) and had to come home. I don't know what to do, I don't know if it's a normal reaction or not to feel so impulsive and desperate just at times of period. Also, what would you do? I find it so hard to talk to other people about things as negative as death and thoughts etc because I'm seen as the positive optimistic one, or at least I try to seem like that. And i don't want to go to my therapist because I'm worried she's gonna think I'm not doing well... do you think I should just wait it out somehow? Sorry for the negative question, I'm just at the end of my tether a bit :(
I am sorry that you feel that you are struggling so much with PMS, but know that you aren't alone. During that time of the month your hormones are a little crazy and you can feel all sorts of ways, and when you struggle with a mental illness such as depression or BPD it doesnt make it better either. For me personally when i had PMS (i no longer get my period due to birth control and dont get PMS either) i would feel tired and have mood swings roughly a week before i got my period. I could end up wanting to cry because i missed the bus even though the next one came in 10 minutes, or i could get so irritated that i wanted to throw plates or scream and that was for no apparent reason, but sooner or later i connected the dots that my mood swings, irritability, tiredness as well as lots of hunger and bloatedness was due to PMS. And it didnt help when my period was irregular and i got it either 2 times a month or every 3 months, so then i could have crazy mood swings which i couldnt control at strange times.
My first suggestion is to not be afraid to talk to your therapist. You may be doing better than before, but your therapist is still there to help you and if you get so low that you get sucidal thoughts and break down, then you do need to talk to someone. Keeping it all in and faking that you are doing good wont result in anything positive, trust me... ive been there, and eventually that stress, the anger, mood swings and pent up thoughts and emotions... you will burst, but you need to talk to someone before you do that. And if you talk with friends you will realise that most girls feel and behave a little weird during PMS and usually become more emotional, of course as mentioned when you have a mental illness those emotions can be a little stronger during PMS and hormone changes... so others might not get those extreme mood swings or suicidal thoughts but they definitely behave differently than normal due to the hormone changes. So talking to your friends (if you have 'girl'friends can make you feel not as alone) but also talk to your therapist... i know it can be tough, but he/she is there to help you and they cant do their job properly if you are faking being ok, when you actually arent. And you arent being dramatic or "too much" by talking about these things. Even if it is just hormones making you feel that way, maybe your therapist has some advice to give you... but also you might not feel as alone or vulnerable.
The important thing to realise is that if it is due to hormones, then know that it will pass... those emotions and strong feelings will pass. But during times of stress, then your hormones are already a little out of balance and you already feel like things are too much, so then when you have PMS, just dropping a pen can make you want to scream or cry. So stress and having exams wont make things better, but the best thing you can do is to realise that those thoughts and feelings will pass. Try to talk to someone or write, or do something to distract yourself. Take a break, go for a walk or do something and try to not be so much in your own head as that can make things worse. Also find ways to destress, that can make it easier when stress isnt a major factor or affecting you in negative ways.
Know that it will get easier... at first PMS can be awful, but in time you learn to deal with it... you learn to connect the dots and know what to do to feel better. Also know that it is ok to cry, even if it is in school... many people have done it. I mean i have sat on the train and cried because i was so overwhelmed with stress and tiredness and emotions and sure it feels embarrassing when people stare and you cant stop yourself from crying, but so what... sometimes it helps to just cry and release those emotions and then you feel slightly better afterwards. Stay strong and talk to someone!!