Today has been a morning of listening to my body and being productive. Feels like the first time in a while. The past 4 days have been filled with anxiety and stress and I have just felt absaloutly awful... waking up with stress and anxiety which then hinders me from doing anything productive at all and that leads to more stress and anxiety.
This morning anyway I woke up with the worst headache and feeling dizzy, almost a hunger over feeling despite not having drunk anything and not being dehydrated either. I wanted to go to the gym as usual but that thought just stressed me... the whole process of going to the gym, working out, changing and heading home takes 2-3 hours and it just stressed me so instead I took a walk in the rain and then when I got back i made myself a big and delicious breakfast and gave myself 1-2 hours to just breathe and watch YouTube and not stress myself. And then when all that was done I turned off my Internet on both my phone and computer and got 3 hours of work done using powerpoints, my book and documents... and now I'm feeling accomplished and proud and like I have learnt something. A calm feeling inside of me at the moment.
And now I'm going to head to stockholm as it's my sisters birthday tomorrow and she wants me to be there to celebrate. Yesterday all I wanted was to head home and cuddle with my dog and be with my family but today. ... well I am not feeling so great and the last thing I want to do is socialise. And it doesn't help that my sister is having a birthday dinner with family and friends and that means socialising. ... and I really don't want to do that. I don't even want to meet my boyfriend as I just want to curl into a ball and not do anything, not think and not feel. ... so not so sure how I will cope with this weekend. I have plans to celebrate my sisters birthday, meet friends and spend time with my boyfriend and I want to do none of that now.... but I don't know how I can explain to them that I don't want to meet them, that I don't want to socialise? Maybe I'll head home on Saturday so I don't have to explain. ... :/ I don't really know. But for now anyway I'm going to pack and then make my way to the train station. .. maybe workout in Stockholm so I can get some more alone time and therapy time before having to spend time with other people.
Anyway... this post became very negative, hahah. That was not the plan, but I guess I just needed to write this out.
Anyway, I hope you all have a great weekend and let me know if there is anything you want me to write about :)