Life without Anorexia

My motto is
'Dont let the sadness of your past & the fear of your future ruin the happiness of your present'

My life at the moment is completely different to how it once was. I spent 5 years sick with anorexia nervosia and depression as well as struggling with self harm and overexercising. I spent 2 years in different treatment centres.
And since 2012 i have been declared healthy from my eating disorder.

I have been blogging for 7 years, and my whole journey is written in my posts. I now represent healthy and happiness. I want to show anyone struggling that it is possible to recover, no matter how hard it may seem.

I now blog about recovery, my life, veganism and positivity!

If you have any questions leave them in the comment section as i am much quicker at answering there, otherwise you can always send an email:


Wednesday, April 27, 2016

Its strange how you can feel so happy but so sad at the same time & talk about anxiety

(This was meant to be posted this morning XD)

At the moment i am just one bg mix of emotions. Am i happy or am i sad? What is going on with my thoughts, feelings and emotions?

One minute i am happy, the next i am sad but at the same time... i am both all the time. The happiness of the small things, always looking for the positives... but i still cant seem to run from those sad thoughts and feelings. .Those thoughts that remind me of the change that is to come, of how i amnt good enough or just a general sadness which cant be explained. Its strange how i want to smile with happiness but also cry with sadness all at the same time. It doesnt really make sense, but i am making do of the situation.

Yesterday i was up at 6am and left the house by 7am. First up a workout, then home to study and eat breakfast, however i really didnt get any productive studying at all. I had a headache, felt unmotivated and just a sense of "blah" and that caused me to feel anxious as i wasnt productive and stressed because i wasnt doing what i was supposed to do and the feelings of stress and anxiety just sort of paralyzed me and i didnt get any school work done. However i did get my laundry done as well as cleaning and in the evening i got myself out of the house and out from my anxiety bubble and took a walk which was then followed by some sort of throw together late snack/mix of everything. And the evening was basically spent longing for a better and more productive new day (so hopefully that will be the case today).

When i get anxiety - and i mean alot of anxiety - then i am almost paralyzed, i cant get anything done because i am completely trapped in my own head and my own thoughts. Just a few days ago i had so much anxiety and i thought, i should write a blog post about this... but i was so paralyzed in my own thoughts and those feelings of anxiety and creeping panic that i couldnt even manage to do that, so it is only now a few days later after my anxiety from today has passed that i actually manage to write about it. Sometimes i can work through the anxiety but often times it stops me from doing what i want to do or need to do, not to mention the slight social anxiety i have (i.e i hate making phone calls, i hate embarrassing myself infront of people or doing things or saying things to new people. I have purposely not done things due to my social anxiety and times when i havent gone to the same store 2 times in a day because i havent wanted the staff to see me there two times, or times i have avoided calling people back or making appointments as i hate caling people). Its a sort of crippling feeling when the anxiety controls you and suddenly you cant get anything done and hours can pass where i just sort of sit there stuck in my own thoughts and cant seem to break free... but i am alot better at it now, and just getting myself out of the house adn going for a walk helps alot. Or just deciding on doing something and not allowing myself to just sit and wallow in those emotions. So there is a tip... just try to drag yourself out of that bubble and change scenery, it might be tough but it helps. But also, dont allow yourself to feel more anxious over the fact that the anxiety is making you unproductive... as that leads to more anxiety and even more unproductivity. Instead, try to breathe and calm yourself down. Think rational and change scenery or go somewhere new or do something. The anxiety and panic will pass, its just a sort of waiting game as well as trying to do something else.

You arent alone with feeling anxious, some have it worse and some have it easier, but you arent alone with the struggle. But know that anxiety can get better, i mean i can still live my life even if i feel anxious or get alot of anxiety at times.... it doesnt control me 100% just sometimes, of course that might not be the most motivating of speeches, but i havent gotten help for my anxiety or depression, so i am sure if i did it might be better, but i know that i am atleast doing ok without help, and that life is still manageable!!

This post took a turn, anyway.... that was my yesterday and some talk about anxiety for those of you who can relate!

I hope you all have a great Wednesday and make the best of it :)


  1. Hey Izzy I just want to thank you soooo much for everything, you should know that you are the reason I believe that I can be recovered.. I am battling with anorexia for about 3 years, I have been in hospital for 3 months, they almost put me on a tube.. Now I am home and with lots of struggling I am eating.. I still have ups and downs but it's getting better because I found your blog.. It is so inspiring, it helps me, you became my idol. I just can't explained how much I wish I could have a life like you. Thank you so much for everything. When anorexia in me orders me not to eat I think about you, your healthy life and then I get some courage to move on, to eat, to say NO to anorexia.
    Thank you.


  2. you're doing amazingly well considering you haven't gotten help for depression/anxiety, it's really inspiring. I can completely identify with everything you said and I want you to know its okay to have unproductive days and to be really proud of yourself when you can pull yourself out of it. I know it's frustrating getting caught up in thoughts when you want to be doing things, when you want to be okay, but it's really amazing that you're getting through it! You're not alone, and I know you are really strong and try to be inspirational (which you are) - writing honest posts like this makes me feel less alone and is helpful even if it's not especially positive - it's realistic (you're only human:))) lots of love, x

  3. You should be so proud of yourself for getting through your times of anxiety alone. Figuring out how to break the cycle of thoughts is not easy but it sounds as though you are doing all the right things. Take comfort from this and know that next time anxiety strikes you are strong enough to get through it, because like you say those feelings do pass.
    Don`t dismiss the option of getting help for your anxiety/ depression though if you begin to feel overwhelmed. It can and does take over your life and can make you incredibly miserable, but you don`t have to struggle on alone.
    Take care and know that you are doing incredibly well - I admire your strength.