Growing up i was always the skinny girl who needed to eat more. And now a days i am known as the fit girl who is always active and eats lots. But what would happen if i were to gain lots of weight and no longer be the skinny or (look) "fit" girl. But then i realised... that those phrases are putting my body as my identity. Allowing people to categorize me and allowing just my body to be my identity, when in reality i am so much more than that. Of course my family and close friends know that, and i am not just "the active gymrat", but i am me... my personality, my likes and dislikes, my thoughts and behaviours and my body is just the 'machine' that carries me from place to place and allows me to do the things i want to do.
How would i feel if my body were to change drastically, and my answer is that i dont really know... I have always been skinny and on the low weight side, so i think that both physically and mentally it would be a huge change. Learning to love a new body, a bigger body. And that doesnt mean it is a bad body or a body i couldnt love... if my body were to change lots or i gained lots of weight i would focus on loving it as it was. Though of course if the reason for the change in my body was due to bad lifestyle choices then i would of course change that for the sake of my health, but i dont know if i would go on a diet to lose weight, unless it was absaloutly needed.
It was an interesting thought to have because it isnt something i have ever thought about... of course during recovery i worried about continuously gaining weight and never stopping with the weight gain, but then as time went on i realised that wasnt the case. And after that i have never worried or thought about gaining lots of weight, and it isnt something i worry or think about now either. But the thought struck me. And at first i thought I would be very uncomfortable in my body if that ever happened, as it would be such as big change from what i have always had as a body type. But then i realised that, my body shouldnt define me and that i know i can love my body no matter what size or weight. It is just a matter of wanting and trying to love yourself and realising that you are more than your body.
Thinking like that, can actually put all the small things into perspective... like in all honesty, what does stomach rolls or cellulite really matter? (I have learnt to not let these bother me a long time ago... but just doing a reminder!) What matters is being happy and healthy and then whether you are X or Y kilo doesnt really matter. Self love at all sizes!!!
I dont really know where i am going with this post, just that i was thinking about it today and thought i wanted to share how "refreshing" it felt to realise that for me personally it wouldnt matter so much if i gained 5-10kg or lost 5-10kg (Though i dont even have that weight to lose, so it wouldnt be healthy to do that), of course if it were drastic changes either way, then i dont know how well i would cope... but who knows, at this stage of my life i havent been placed in that situation. But i learnt to love myself after gaining 20+kg weight, and i still loved myself after gaining another 6kg, so weight really doesnt matter, what matters is that you choose to love yourself no matter what your size or weight!