Life without Anorexia

My motto is
'Dont let the sadness of your past & the fear of your future ruin the happiness of your present'

My life at the moment is completely different to how it once was. I spent 5 years sick with anorexia nervosia and depression as well as struggling with self harm and overexercising. I spent 2 years in different treatment centres.
And since 2012 i have been declared healthy from my eating disorder.

I have been blogging for 7 years, and my whole journey is written in my posts. I now represent healthy and happiness. I want to show anyone struggling that it is possible to recover, no matter how hard it may seem.

I now blog about recovery, my life, veganism and positivity!

If you have any questions leave them in the comment section as i am much quicker at answering there, otherwise you can always send an email:


Sunday, April 3, 2016

Fullness feelings & eating because it is delicious

Do you ever feel guilty for eating too much? Or do you ever eat even though you are not hungry... just because you want more because it tastes good. I do and it feels like I should not people always say to eat when you are hungry and stop when you are full, but what happens if you want more just because I it tastes good but you're not hungry? What do you do?

Yes i definitely do that - eat something just because it is delicious even if my body isnt telling me i am hungry, or it is telling me that i am full. I think most people do that. For example at special occasions, or at a buffet or when there is extra delicious food being made/served. I think most people push their hunger and fullness feelings aside a little just to enjoy more food, because food is delicious.
  So if it happens once in a while i.e maybe not everyday then it is nothing to worry about. Food is yummy and delicious and as human beings, we want food and enjoy eating food. I mean  if i go to a buffet and there is loads of food which i dont normally make for myself, then ill definitely be eating a little more than what my body tells me it needs.

But the important thing is to follow your hunger and fullness feelings - if they are reliable and working properly - as often as you can and then once in a while if you eat more it doesnt matter, your hunger and fullness feelings wont suddenly be messed up. But if you continuously eat less than what your body tells you i.e if you are always going around hungry, or you always eat more than your hunger and fullness feelings tell you and you are always full, then eventually your hunger will increase or decrease. Hunger adapts to how the person eats that is why if someone doesnt eat alot during days and it continues like that for a while, eventually they wont feel hungry as the body has adapted. But that is of course NOT to recommend.

I have two posts about overeating because it is delicious:

My biggest challenge is the fullness feeling. There was a long time ago I binged and I would not say that I have that problem anymore but I often do feel like i'm overeating. Always when I try to listen to my body I in the end get too full since that is the only fullness clue I've got and I feel like i have overeaten. If I don't get to that stage where I have that veryvery-full feeling, I keep thinking about food, longing for next meal and i'm not sure if its mentally or physically. But it's like I have some instinct in me that says too keep eating til I feel almost stuffed and then I don't wanna eat more and I don't think more about food but I know it's not normal and get a lot of anxious. For a week ago I decided to try eating like that anyway since I'm now not normalweight and see if that makes me gain weight or if it maybe actually is my true fullnessnfeeling that I missjudge as unnormal. But the thing is that after I started eating like that I've counted that my "apetite" takes me to between 2400-2800 each day! Which I defiently know is too much for me and that I'm probably overeating now. I'm very afraid to keep overeating since I don't wanna gain to much weight. I just want balance. I'm very confused.

I work out around 6 times a week, 3 times strengthtraining and 3 times running (not that long around 3-6 km). But it can vary, sometimes more, sometimes less. I love working out but are also afraid not doing it you know for the weight... I so damn bad just balance.

Do you have any advice? 

First off i would say that eating 2400-2800kcal aday while working out 6 times a week AND needing to gain weight isnt alot... its what you SHOULD be eating. Eating less doesnt mean better and if you workout it is even more important to fuel yourself properly. However, if you are using exercise just to try to compensate for what you eat or to slow down your weight gain... that is not a good idea. Exercise should be because you enjoy it and part of your life and not just something to control your weight.... so do think about it, and also challenge yourself to rest. To take time off from working out and realise that your body wont change and your weight wont skyrocket, it is an important thing in recovery to find balance with exercise! Rest is important :):)

And onto the food. I think that eating around 2500-2800kcal sounds right and isnt too much. And you should feel full after a meal, if you finish a meal and still feel hungry then you most likely didnt eat enough... however you shouldnt be so full that you feel that you need to lie down for a while/have a "food coma" (THOUGH that is how it can feel when you need to eat enough to gain weight, as then you do need to eat alot.) I dont know if you have a meal plan or not? But i think following a meal plan is a great idea so that you eat enough each day and you have regular meal times so that your hunger and fullness can begin to follow those regular meal times. If you have binged or restricted then the hormones regulating hunger and fullness can be a little askew and not work properly, so then eating intuitively can be a lot harder, also the fact that you have disordered thoughts making it even harder to implement rational judgement.

Its hard to give advice but i would eat the same amount, either spread it out in different meals throughout the day or learn to be ok with that fullness feeling.... that it is most likely just a normal fullness but you judge it as being "too full". And also if you constantly think about food, then distract yourself.... if you always think about food then you can feel psychologically hungry. However it might also be that you think you are eating too much, but actually you arent.... if you need to gain weight you need to make sure to be eating enough.

I know this isnt the best advice, it was actually much harder to give advice about this than i thought it would be, but maybe someone else has advice... otherwise, below are some posts about hunger and fullness.


  1. On the last one, since you've left an invitation for others to add further thoughts ...
    In the original question posted, this person also said: "Anyways, to make a long story short I used to have anorexia and then binged myself up to a normal weight without any balance at all. It all went way too fast and also too far and I got to a weight that I doubt was my natural "set point"(if this exist?) and did not feel comfortable at all. I also had no good relationship with food still so when I started working out again I also started losing weight. I've lost a lot of weight and now I'm right under the normalweight mark and trying so hard still to find balance. I don't wanna go back to the anorexia and lose more weight but I don't wanna gain a lot either. I just wanna have a stabile weight where I are or maybe + 1-2 kg ."
    I can relate to this in part, as I also binged way into the healthy weight zone and felt scared of the whole thing.
    However, you *do* have a healthy set point, it does exist, and if you are under the normal weight mark then it's not helpful in the long run to decide that you want your weight to stay there or near there.
    It is scary when one goes well into the healthy weight zone and still feels out of control with food, but it is normal that the body overshoots the set point for a while, before settling down, and it is normal that metabolism is messed up for a while, before settling down, and normal that one is scared for a while, before settling down. In the long run it's better not to go back to restricting, or worrying about weight, because that's preventing you from getting better. It's hard to know what fulness really is until one has got used to maintaining at one's set point. Emily Troscianko has just posted a couple of posts on metabolism in recovery, on her Psychology Today blogspot -- maybe they would help?
    From your description it sounds like you didn't really give it enough chance before getting scared and restricting/exercising again -- I can relate to that, but I think it's holding you back?!
    (nb. I am _not_ a professional and this is based only on a combination of experience and reading -- please don't set too much store by what I say! it is not expert, and there are lots of experts to help...)

  2. Hi!
    My boyfriend is right now on a cut (he have been bulking before) and I really want to be supportive about all this, but it's kind of hard do I have a ED-problematic that goes way back. He tries not to talk about his cut and calories (i asked him not to because i know that will trigger me), but it's hard for him not to talk about calories when he counts everything he eats. He can't even eat popcorn if we're watching a movie, and thats really triggering me. Because i can't eat popcorn alone, i'm not that far in my recovery. I can eat stuff alone, or if someone else eats it to. But not be the only one who eats it.

    I actually don't know what to do. Because I know how important this is to him & I really want to be supportive in all this, but all this trigger me so much. Everything is about the gym, his training and how he eats. He doesn't have a "cheat-day" so he's going all in every day. I'm just feeling like I'm a really bad girlfriend, and I really try to not be trigged, but i can't help it. Have you some advice for me so I can go trough this, because right now it seems impossible.

  3. Hey thank you both so much for the answers! I really appreciate it... I'm only one kg away from a healthy weight so I don't have to focus on gaining that much for health reasons. One thing I wonder is if it is a good plan to have a schedule for 2700 calories a day and then keep eating after that until I maintain on it? If that is not going out of hand of course... And if it's not to much calories... I really enjoy working out and I've tried pauses before which actually made me feel a lot worse, not because of anxity, but because of I did not get to do things I like. I really love being active and working out. I try to have restingdays also but it's hard knowing how much you should eat on these days I think... Also! is it necessary with 6 meal in a mealplan or can one have like a bigger breakfast instead of a snack between?