Life without Anorexia

My motto is
'Dont let the sadness of your past & the fear of your future ruin the happiness of your present'

My life at the moment is completely different to how it once was. I spent 5 years sick with anorexia nervosia and depression as well as struggling with self harm and overexercising. I spent 2 years in different treatment centres.
And since 2012 i have been declared healthy from my eating disorder.

I have been blogging for 7 years, and my whole journey is written in my posts. I now represent healthy and happiness. I want to show anyone struggling that it is possible to recover, no matter how hard it may seem.

I now blog about recovery, my life, veganism and positivity!

If you have any questions leave them in the comment section as i am much quicker at answering there, otherwise you can always send an email:


Wednesday, April 20, 2016

Changing old habits and learning to cope

Recovery from an eating disorder is very much about changing habits and learning to cope, but also changing thoughts and mindset, changing focus in life. It is about trying to break away from the negativity and destructive thoughts, move away and change the destrctuve behaviour and instead replace them with healthier ones. Coping mechansims that last.

People develop eating disorders for different reasons and they also recover for different reasons - but one thing which almost everyone (I dont think i can say this, but i will anyway) who fully recover from an eating disorder have reached a stage where they want to fully recover for themselves. When recovery is no longer about a summer holiday away, or being heathy for friends,family or a boyfriend. Recovery is no longer about being able to run again or being able to go to school or work, but recovery becomes something you do and want for yourself because you know you need to and you want to as well. Though just because you want to recover for yourself doesnt mean you automatically recover over a night, but it makes it easier... because then you are fighting for yourself and it is easier to pick yourself up during the tough times and keep fighting rather than when you are trying to recover for someone else or something.

Part of recovery is dealing with the problems you may have, whether it is in your life or in your head, those are problems you need to deal with. Having an eating disorder is very much "running away from the problem", you end up living in your own little bubble and never actually facing that "actual" problem. Some might not even know what the actual problem is, but usually with help, therapy and time you figure out what was the cause or trigger to your eating disorder, and can then focus on working on those.

Changing your thoughts, facing your fears and changing your behaviour. You cant keep doing what you are doing everyday if it isnt leading you were you want to go... Like Albert Einstein said:  Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.

Yyou need to change something in your life and learn to cope with healthy behaviours. Instead of self inflicting pain or running away the fear or anxiety or starving or binging to cope with feelings, learn to talk or to write or express yourself in someway. Learn to deal with those emotions and know that when you learn to cope with them in healthy ways you become stronger and it becomes easier over time. In the past, when i got overwhelming anxiety or anger or irritation i would harm myself to deal with those emotions or i would go out and run to try to run from those feelings. But over time i learnt to deal with the emotions, to write when i felt it was all too much and the feelings didnt overwhelm me so much. Now i can sit with those emotions and know that it will pass.

Because all emotions and feelings, they will pass. It might seem overwhelming and frightening at the time, but it will pass and you will be stronger afterwards when you realised that you managed to cope.

Find your reason to recovery for YOURSELF. Realise that to fully recover you need to face those fears holding you back.... whether it is a fear of carbs, a fear of resting, fear of eating too much, fear of weight gain, fear of your body changing, fear of resting, fear of travelling on holiday or any fear you may have that holds you back... the only thing you can do is to face it. No one else can make those fears go away, that is all up to you and it does mean you might feel anxious or scared or panicked, but those feelings pass and you will be so much stronger afterwards! Learn to cope in healthy ways and learn to change your thoughts and mindset, those things are necessary in recovery.


  1. My motivation for recovery has always been for me - it was as if something just clicked in my head that made me see myself how others saw me (I never saw myself as underweight or ill looking) and also for me the health problems were piling up making me so scared of what was happening to me that something inside me just became determined to do something about it.
    However some months on and with enough weight gain to ease some of the health problems I`m at a point where I just can`t do it anymore. My dietician turned out to be useless - two monthly weigh ins and unable to answer any questions, couldn't even formulate a meal plan I did it myself, and I`m really on my own with all this. The food intolerances has made it practically impossible to eat most of the foods on my meal plan and they were making me so ill that I have now stopped following it. My diet is so narrow and restricted I really don`t know where its going to go from here. I know I need to carry on doing it for myself but for now I`ve lost the fight, and no ones noticed I haven't been following my plan anyway, so whats the point? I just feel everythings stacked against me. Developing all the food intolerances has really taken its toll and I just cannot see past this one this time.

    1. dear Carol, do you think the food intolerances may be weight related, and may get better if you push through the weight gain? I recall someone in hospital when i was there who developed intolerances at a low weight, and then became fine again at a healthier one, and I had the impression that can happen sometimes, but i don't really know?
      I'm sad to hear you've received so little support, though I think it is wonderful that you managed to glimpse the benefit for yourself. It's a long haul, but in the end it is worthwhile. I guess that's true with everything in life -- climbing mountains and having to believe in the top even when the fog descends and one can't see it any more, and trying to remember to keep one's map and compass if one has brought them at all! :-)
      Good luck, and thank you for all your comments on Izzy's site. <3 hope you keep going with your own recovery

    2. thankyou - your kind reply has given me hope. I never thought the food intolerances could be low weight related, that's definitely something to think about and to hang on to. Many of the intolerances weren't there before my ED began so may be you are right in what you are saying. I certainly hope so because if I can push through and get back to a respectable weight it would make life a lot easier where diet is concerned if the intolerances go. At the moment its as if my body is physically rejecting any food I put in it, which makes things very difficult.
      Again, thankyou and I will hang on to this hope and try to pick up the fight again ((()))

    3. I'm sorry that you are finding it so difficult. It's definitely not easy in recovery and even harder when you get no advice or help from others, know that you can always ask me for help or questions regarding nutrition. I'm not a professional but I can give advice :) however regarding the intolerance I don't know so much but I can presume that it's due to all the stress that your body has been through with the starvation. Things such as allergies or intolerance and even ibs can flare up and show symptoms during times of stress so hopefully in the future they might not be a bother or so much of a bother. But I really don't know so much about the topic. You have to keep fighting and know that it can get better,focus on eating the foods you can and enjoying those foods... seeing the food as good and nourishing and in the future maybe at a healthy weight your body will be more accepting of other foods. But you can get through this as long as you keep fighting. I know it can seem impossible and like you have no support or help but I'm always here for you :) even if it's just via comments or emails. Remember to follow your plan and choose recovery for YOU. Because it's your body and your life, and people won't always be there making sure you eat, instead you have to do it for yourself because you know you have to. You have to fight that voice in your head that says, what does it matter, no one cares... Because it does matter and people do care. One day you might look back at your current situation and be so proud of yourself for never giving up!!! :)

    4. Thankyou Izzy for your reply, deep down I know what you say about the importance of carrying on eating is right - its just that its got so difficult and I get weary of it all at times.
      Thankyou for being there for me - for all of us - I would be really lost without your kind support and valuable advice.
      The more I think about about the food intolerances being low weight - therefore stress related makes sense. I suffer IBS as well and I know that gets worse in times of stress so it all kind of makes sense.
      I am more hopefull now I have those thoughts to hang on to - that it will get better. I just have to find the strength to pick myself up and carry on now, to get over this hurdle.
      Thankyou again for your very wise and kind words. The world is a better place today (())

  2. Hey Izzy... I have been self harming, i cut myself and now i have scars which i am afraid to show... Summer is coming and i am afraid of tshirts, bikini... I dont know what to do, scars are still here even though i stopped cutting myself

    1. I've answered this in a post now, hope it helps :)

    2. It helps, thanks a lot<3

  3. I love this post. My recovery turned a corner and became real when I finally saw the glimmer of light, that hope and faith that there was a better way to live. The more I learned, the more I cultivated self-love and acceptance, the more "wrong" self-destruction felt. I banged my head on the same wall for years, literally driving myself insane. I now want the best for myself, and I believe everyone deserves that. I became willing to do the work to get there. It was a long, often painful, often confusing journey, but I now walk securely on my path. Evolution is a truly beautiful thing, and something not possible if you have imprisoned yourself in the hamster wheel of self-destruction and pain. Take a leap of faith, grow, and feel that faith become trust and love. There IS a better way to live!!

    1. I am so glad to hear that you are doing better and have found the hope but also realised how destructive the negative thoughts and lifestyle are!