Life without Anorexia

My motto is
'Dont let the sadness of your past & the fear of your future ruin the happiness of your present'

My life at the moment is completely different to how it once was. I spent 5 years sick with anorexia nervosia and depression as well as struggling with self harm and overexercising. I spent 2 years in different treatment centres.
And since 2012 i have been declared healthy from my eating disorder.

I have been blogging for 7 years, and my whole journey is written in my posts. I now represent healthy and happiness. I want to show anyone struggling that it is possible to recover, no matter how hard it may seem.

I now blog about recovery, my life, veganism and positivity!

If you have any questions leave them in the comment section as i am much quicker at answering there, otherwise you can always send an email:


Thursday, March 24, 2016

We all want control, but we need to know what we can control

Control over my life and control over different situations is something i have always wanted. And i believe that one contributing factor to me developing my eating disorder was that i wanted control.... i couldnt control my life and what i could control was food. Of course wanting control wasnt the only reason for my eating disorder, but i think it was part of it. Because during recovery i had to learn that i cant control my life with food..... it is ok to want control, but that i cant be obsessive over that need for control and also to learn what i can control or cant control.

I would say now a days i am not so controlling at all, not like i was before. I still feel that i need to have control over my life and my situation, otherwise i feel stressed... but i am not so manic or obsessive over that control. Before i was manipulative due to my need for control.... we would eat at the time i was going to eat and at the place which had safe foods, otherwise i would panic. Things had to go according to my plan or i would get irritated and panicked because things werent going according to plan or i couldnt control what was going on. And with emotions, i used self harm and self abuse to control my emotions as well as sort of repressing my emotions.

I now know that i can not control people around me or every situation, instead what i can control is my reaction to what is happening, my reaction to other people. If people are late instead of getting angry and irritated because things werent going according to plan, instead i need to let that irritation go and know that.... life goes on. So what if they are 5, 10, 15 minutes late... it is not the end of the world. But also, all i can control is myself and have some type of plan for the day... but even then the plan doesnt always go accordingly. Each evening i plan my following day, what i will do, what time and how long..... it gives me a sense of control over my life, but of course that plan sometimes changes during the following day and over the years  i have learnt to not panic over those changes, instead be able to adapt and not have to control everything strictly. For example, before i couldnt sleep in or if i ever slept past my alarm i would wake with alot of anxiety because suddenly everything was not going to go according to my plan.... but i've learnt to not feel so panicked about that.

So with this post, i want to remind you that you can't control life or other people. Sometimes you just have to go with the flow, be spontaneous and realise that life and plans change and you need to learn to be ok with that. You can only control yourself, your behaviour and reaction, but you cant control life and what happens or control other people. And also... controlling your life via food or controlling your emotions via food is never a good idea. It won't help you... instead you need to get a sense of control over your own life, such as planning, goals, dreams..... focus on having a plan each day and a routine to stick with, but also learn to be somewhat spontaneous when needed. Focus on what you can control and what is ok to control, but also learn to not be so controlling!!! It is easier said than done and unfortunatly i dont have so much advice about how to go from controlfreak to much less controlling, as i cant even remember how i did it or what i did. But i guess i focused on what i could control and what was ok to control and learnt to be ok with the changes that happen in life and not want to just lie on the ground and cry because things didnt go according to my plan. It is a process and it can definitely help mentally to be less controlling over everything in life!

1 comment:

  1. Great post! My problem is sometimes not things going wrong, but the ANTICIPATION of things going wrong instead. What if the power goes off? What if I don't get to have lunch at my usual time? Silly thoughts like that.

    But then when the power DOES go off, or I'm forced to have lunch an hour earlier than usual, I'm not happy about it, but once it happens I realise that it's not so bad!

    Unfortunately I think it's impossible to stop being so controlling until you're forced out of control no matter what.

    In other words, you can worry about drowning, until you get thrown in the deep end and realise you can swim :D