Life without Anorexia

My motto is
'Dont let the sadness of your past & the fear of your future ruin the happiness of your present'

My life at the moment is completely different to how it once was. I spent 5 years sick with anorexia nervosia and depression as well as struggling with self harm and overexercising. I spent 2 years in different treatment centres.
And since 2012 i have been declared healthy from my eating disorder.

I have been blogging for 7 years, and my whole journey is written in my posts. I now represent healthy and happiness. I want to show anyone struggling that it is possible to recover, no matter how hard it may seem.

I now blog about recovery, my life, veganism and positivity!

If you have any questions leave them in the comment section as i am much quicker at answering there, otherwise you can always send an email:


Sunday, March 27, 2016

My thoughts post

At times - like now, I have so much I want to write and say but can't seem to make a text that is helpful or even readable. There is just to much I want to write and I just wish I could make all of you -my readers and everyone else who suffers from an eating disorder - realise that things csn get better that recovery is worth it. But when you are struggling, it doesn't always matter how many times you are told that you need to eat and rest, or that recovery is worth it and weight gain won't make you ugly.... or you feel is the fear. The fear of eating, the fear of weight gain. All you hear is that voice in your head controlling you. .... not eating becomes automatic and not something you think about, it's more strange to eat than to not eat. Or your binges are completely uncontrollable. ... you know you shouldn't but you can't stop yourself or the acts of compensation you do.... all the times you've said you will stop or the people's advice who have told you to not compensate... all that is gone because you just have so much guilt and anxiety.

But I wish I could make you all realise that you CAN overcome all those behaviours. You can be free but it doesn't come easy. It means change and you wanting to change. Choosing recovery every moment. Even if it means that you fumble in the dark. ... no idea what will happen.  Because that is sort of how recovery is.... just because you do X doesn't mean that Y will happen.  Of course there are certain  guidelines which if you follow will most likely lead to a certain result but it can never be said that something will with 100% certainty happen.

Such as self love.... that will only come if you focus on loving yourself. It's not like you gain weight and then you have lots of self love.... its a gradual process. And with concentration and focus after an eating disorder... most people regain their concentration and focus as the brain and body are nourished and get the energy they need but if your mind is on other things or if all your thoughts are still controlled by an eating disorder then your thoughts will just be on that and not on your task.

I wish I could make you all choose and want recovery.  I wish I could help you through the tough times and remind you that the tough times make you stronger.  That you can't give up and choosing your eating disorder is not a life to live.

After recovery it doesn't mean that life is like a beautiful dream, but it sure is better than life when suffering from an eating disorder. There is freedom and more joy and hopefully self love and acceptance are something you have worked on!

And when it comes to full recovery i believe it is fully possible if you decide to fully recovery.  Some hold onto old sick habits, maybe out of comfort or fear and then tell other that full recovery isn't possible. .. that you will always have ed thoughts.  Sure... there are certain things that might never go away and you won't be the same person as you were before your eating disorder and your thoughts will be different. But you can live a normal life with all ed thoughts gone. Being able to eat without thinking about the lowest kcal food or micromanaging every morsel of food or feeling the need to exercise to compensate. You can learn to love exercise and not do it to compensate and to learn to trust your body and love your body.  But that is a process.... when I was declared healthy in 2012 I felt healthy, but if I compare then to now... I am much healthier mentally and physically. I've had lows and highs and dips. And during the years I had alot to work on and am still working on such as my low self esteem and how to cope during stressful times, but during the past years ive worked alot on not using food to cope, not controlling food and self love. Learning to not let a number define me and not caring about eating too much, as well as facing all fear foods and not letting food control me. And am now free from all of that. But it takes time and a motivation to want to change and get better. No one else can do it for you... and only you know why you do things. It is easy to smile and act normal around others and then use disordered behaviours on your own... or to smile and tell others that you are going for your 2 hour run because you enjoy it but in actuality you are just running to burn calories to compensate.  Of course... it is fully possible to want to run 2 hours because of enjoyment or a goal... and it doesn't have to be due to compensation.  But it's only YOU who knows why you do things and to change and get better you have to be honest about that and be willing to change... otherwise those thoughts or actions won't change.

You need to want to recover for yourself and your own life and fight to be fully free. Because if you stop during half recovery then you won't be fully free.

At some point you have to take the advice you are given on board and want to recover for yourself. All I can do is try to motivate but the hard work has to come from YOU. But I more than ever wish that I could make you all want to fight for recovery and never give up and know that it gets better! !!

A long post but I felt I just needed to write this out. And maybe someone can feel a little motivated or inspired.


  1. At times I wish I could wake up one morning and find this struggle is over - that I no longer have to follow a meal plan, eat when I don`t feel like it and have reached my goal weight so I feel stronger and healthier.
    Recovery is one huge ordeal at times with many steps forward and back - and I didn't realise it would take this long...but I guess as with any process of change it takes time. I know with determination I will get there - I can be awfully stubborn at times when it comes to getting something I want so when it comes to recovery I suppose that is a good thing.
    Thankyou for your post - it is always helpful to be reminded why we should fight for recovery and some motivation is always a good thing. You are helping a lot and always manage to inspire me to keep on fighting forwards, even when things are tough.

    1. Recovery can seem impossible at times or like it is just one step forward and one step back, but know that all small steps forward make a difference. And the fact that you want to recover and try to make positive changes and choices everyday means that you are getting closer to fully recovered!!! You can do it and being determined is important in recovery, knowing your goal and not giving up even if it feels far off!!

  2. Thank you Izzy this is really helpful :)

  3. I love these posts - thank you for keeping on saying it, thank you for your example, thank you for remembering people at all different points and places in this process. Thank you for keeping on working on your own challenges, such as self-esteem and stress. You are a great example, and a great presence on the web.

  4. Carol s has basically written exactly what I was going to write! I won't repeat, but please know that your blog helps me so much so thank you. Definitely get angry and sad at the disease and wish you could make it go away for the world, but always remember that you are helping a lot of people and can't do anymore than that! It's more than enough!
    Happy Easter to you xx