Life without Anorexia

My motto is
'Dont let the sadness of your past & the fear of your future ruin the happiness of your present'

My life at the moment is completely different to how it once was. I spent 5 years sick with anorexia nervosia and depression as well as struggling with self harm and overexercising. I spent 2 years in different treatment centres.
And since 2012 i have been declared healthy from my eating disorder.

I have been blogging for 7 years, and my whole journey is written in my posts. I now represent healthy and happiness. I want to show anyone struggling that it is possible to recover, no matter how hard it may seem.

I now blog about recovery, my life, veganism and positivity!

If you have any questions leave them in the comment section as i am much quicker at answering there, otherwise you can always send an email: lifewithoutanorexia@hotmail.com

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Thursday, March 31, 2016

Long post about my day - moving, school work, monitoring activity and counting calories

Hello!

I didnt actually think i would update today as i have felt so tired and havent had much to write, but i dont know if i will get time to write tomorrow either as i will be moving apartment and the moving company will be here at 8am tomorrow and will most probably be done around 4pm, so basically the whole day. Luckily i have no lectures tomorrow anyway so i wouldnt be missing anything, though i do want to try to get some of my own stuff done once everything is moved to the new apartment, then i might go to the gym or go to the library or take a walk or something... i'll see.



I havent actually had time to think about the fact that i am moving tomorrow... a part of me really doesnt want to, and for today i had a few brief moments thinking about, how would it be if i moved home again. Would i be able to cope with the travelling back and forth... but i quickly realised that 1) I dont want to move home again and definitely dont want those 3 hours of commuting and 2) I have a contract until June anyway, so whether i live here or at home i would still need to pay the rent. And 3) I actually love living here and being independant... it's going to be tough when i have to move home again, but also cheaper... hahaha. Though i have no idea where i will be or what i will be doing for autumn, it actually terrifies me a little... i want to move to Gothenburg as the courses or program i want to study is there, but at the same time i have only been there once in my life and i liked it. But i dont know anyone from there and its not 90 minutes commute back home, its a 4+ hour train ride.... so it would be very different, so that terrifies me, but it is also something i want. HOWEVER... i am going to try not think about that now, and instead just focus on what is going on in my life right now..... which is school and lots of school work. I was in school from 8-14 and was running on some sort of energy, not caffeine or food anyway... and in class all i could think about was the food i wanted to eat when i got home as i felt so hungry (Note. Always eat a big breakfast and pack a big lunch... otherwise all you can think about is food). But then when my last lecture was finished i had to do a group project and we sat almost 2 hours doing that before we all felt tired and ready to head home, and then i couldnt wait to get home and get the energy my body and mind needed so desperatly... but also to just rest. Not do any school work when i got home... just rest!

And that has basically been my day today, and tomorrow i will just go with the flow and see what happens, i mean things never really go according to  plan when it comes to moving and such. But i am looking forward to the weekend, to just getting settled into the new apartment and getting lots of school work done hopefully, i want to get on top of things to avoid too much stress later on when more assignments and things are piled on!

Also, some random things which i wanted to write about.... an assignment i have gotten is to do an activity monitoring, where i write everything i do as precise as possible for 72 hours.... i.e from 7-7-15made breakfast, 7.15-7.45 got ready etc etc and then we are going to calculate our BMR and TDEE and how much our body burns... rougly from those 3 days. And that will be alot of work but also exciting, however it reminds me so much of when i was at Mando and had an activity monitor on for 3 days at a time almost every week or second week. I did far too much exercise and secret exercise while there and the staff knew about it and so i had a monitor which could note all the movement i did, however i liked to take it off for several hours at a time and say that it "Broke"... hahahah... all my activity monitors broke after roughly 3 hours XD

And also... i realised just how much knowledge i have about calories, macros and food. While doing the group project we had to make a meal plan for an individual and it had to be according to all the recommendations and then we had to decide portions and things and i guess because of my past ED i still know calories of most types of food as well as what is a portion size, i.e some in my class thought that 100g oatmeal was a portion.... but here in Sweden a portion of oatmeal is 40g (though usually i use 70/80g i.e 1-2dl... because i mean, who eats just one portion of oatmeal XD). And it felt so strange because i thought, all of the people going the course or the program i mean they should have general knowledge about food such as that X food has alot of fat in it or that even if X food has alot of protein, it has alot more fat in it etc But i guess not.
 And lastly.... when making the meal plan some in my group commented on "How much food it was" and how they could never eat that much food... i was just like, "ehh... ahahh, ok, sure". Hahahahha... you stick to your 1800kcal and ill keep eating my 3000kcal and feel somewhat full.




Anyway... far too much writing. I just thought those things were interesting for me anyway and made me think about some things. How much i do know about nutrition and calories without even realising it? Could make some joke about how thats a positive thing from my eating disorder, but not going to because 1) Being obsessed with calories is hell and 2) Knowing calories is only useful if you are going to work with them... hence why my knowledge of nutrition and calories is useful. So that normal people dont need to think about calories or count calories, instead they can come to people like me.... or when i am a dietician/health coach and get me to do all that nasty business of counting calories and macros :):):)

Time to end this post..... sooo long, i apologize. One super long post instead of several short ones XD


5 comments:

  1. this is lovely - and SO nice that you updated :-)
    hope the move goes well tomorrow, and I hope you do get to go to Gothenberg - it sounds like it would be fun, even if daunting at first (what isn't!)

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  2. How do you plan your food on a schoolday?

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  3. Good luck with moving. Hope it goes well.

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  4. Good luck for the move!
    Isn't it funny how some people seem to think being unable to eat a lot (or at least saying things like "oh I couldn't eat all that" is some sort of badgr of honour and something to be proud of. it's a sad thing that in society getting by on the least food possible seems to be the goal. :( Definitely has contributed to my issues.

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  5. Good luck with your move - hope it all goes smoothly for you and you like your new apartment.
    I think you are on to a head start with your current school work and could probably amaze your fellow students with your knowledge about calories and so forth! I think you will make an excellent dietician - I wish mine had been half as knowledgable. Sometimes experience is more valuable than learnt knowledge, and you definitely have that - it is good that you can put it all to good use now.

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