Life without Anorexia

My motto is
'Dont let the sadness of your past & the fear of your future ruin the happiness of your present'

My life at the moment is completely different to how it once was. I spent 5 years sick with anorexia nervosia and depression as well as struggling with self harm and overexercising. I spent 2 years in different treatment centres.
And since 2012 i have been declared healthy from my eating disorder.

I have been blogging for 7 years, and my whole journey is written in my posts. I now represent healthy and happiness. I want to show anyone struggling that it is possible to recover, no matter how hard it may seem.

I now blog about recovery, my life, veganism and positivity!

If you have any questions leave them in the comment section as i am much quicker at answering there, otherwise you can always send an email:


Tuesday, March 1, 2016

Little by little, a little becomes a lot

Reovery is about baby steps forward. You might not think about it or realize, but each time you decide to defy that voice in your head then you are taking a step forward. Each time you do the opposite of what your eating disorder wants and you do what you want, then you take a step forward. It might not seem so significant, but when you do small things it will all add up in the end. It can be overwhelming to try to do everything at once, but instead doing it in smaller pieces. Of course you do need to learn to cope with the guilt and anxiety that goes along with recovery most often. I mean sure, you could decide to eat a fear food every 6 months and call it recovery, but then it will take a long time before you actually do recover.

But you need to learn that if you have done something once before,you can do it again. If you have eaten an ice cream before,you can do it again. If you have followed your meal plan completely for 2 weeks, you can do that for another two weeks. If you have gone binge or purge free for3 weeks you can do that again. If you have cut down exercise, you can do that again. In recovery it is about repeating those small steps over and over because each time you do, you get stronger and your eating disorder gets weaker.

Remember that recovery takes time, but you need to keep fighting everyday.Its a 24/7 hour job, which does get easier in time. Keep striving for health and recovery and know that it is worth it.

Remind yourself: Little by little, a lttle becomes a lot.


  1. I have a query, based on a comment my partner made yesterday evening. He asked if I was putting on weight - yes - and shouldn't I be increasing my portion sizes by now? I answered that I was eating the correct weights on my meal plan, and as long as I was still gaining weight, that was enough. Was I right to say this?
    I do make changes to my meal plan, increases every couple of weeks aiming to get to the optimum calorie intake. He thinks I should be eating bigger portions for my meals now even though I am having what it says to have on my meal plan. Do I go above the weights it says on there? I have been making changes particularly with my snacks - having more substantial ones and having higher calorie cereal at breakfast, also drinking more milk and fruit juice. To be honest the weights of food it says to have on my meal plan are a struggle to eat most days so I can`t see me increasing them, especially as I have only just reached the point where I am eating the full amount. He thinks I should be having,for example, two chicken breasts rather than one and a whole packet of rice rather than the half weight it says on my plan.
    please help!

    1. Hi Carol, I guess Izzy will reply to this one, but -- based on when I was on meal plans made by doctors, a) if you are gaining at the rate of 0.5-1kg per week then that's fine as it is, b) most meal plans in recovery are (after the initial couple of weeks or so) more than weight restored people need, but they should resemble "normality" as much as possible -- in regularity of intake, timing and quantities, but allowing that at some points in the day it will need to be higher in quantity for the sake of weight gain. So, if you are eating a healthy portion for a WR person at all the main meals and having high calorie options elsewhere, in snacks and drinks, and you are putting on the weight, then there is nothing more to worry about (well, one can worry about nutrients and all that but I don't know anything about that).
      People who haven't been submerged in all this don't really understand; if the question was framed in terms of are you putting on weight, then perhaps he has an idea from somewhere else about how that works? If it is a question of whether the portion is at least normal for healthy WR person, then that's different. One chicken breast was what I used to eat all the time as the meat portion in recovery, and was in my family regarded as normal beyond that too; I've no idea how big your packets of rice are. But one can't transfer from one person to another.
      Sorry that is a long answer, and I'm not a medic or anything, just thinking about having been through it - some time ago.
      I think it is wonderful that you've made so much progress! Well done. I hope you keep enjoying all the benefits of it!

  2. Hi - thanks for your reply, it was really helpful. I was happy with the way things were progressing until my partner made that comment and I did begin to wonder if what I was doing was right after all. I buy the microwave packets of rice, 250g per packet of cooked rice and my partner eats a whole one of these, whereas I have the 125g it says on my meal plan. He thinks I should be increasing my portions to more like the amount he eats by now but I tried to explain to him that I am gaining and eating the correct amounts set out on my plan, as well as the snacks he doesn't see. I think maybe that is the problem, he only sees the one meal and dessert in the evening, not the rest of the food I eat during the day.
    I know there will come a point when I am recovered and not following a plan where my portions will probably vary to what they are now, but I`m not at that stage at the moment and I can`t help but feel rushed by his comment. Just when I have achieved one thing he seems to expect more and I am unable to do that. Its frustrating, I try to explain things to him like how long recovery takes etc but sometimes he just doesn't get it and I feel like I am failing.
    But thanks for your comments, I`m glad you think I`m doing the right thing.

    1. You're definitely not "failing", Carol! From your posts on this site it sounds as though you've made huge progress. For people who have never been through it, I think the whole is completely alien, and people sometimes think they understand when they don't. It isn't good to protect oneself by shutting them out, but in the end one does have to receive gratefully the bits that are helpful and pass up the others. People are trying their best, and so are you, and the illness affects you all/both in different ways, and you're working together but with different perspectives, different limitations and coming from different places. I think you're doing brilliantly - based on the things you post, anyway :-)

    2. Thankyou so much - your words of encouragement are just what I needed today. (())