Life without Anorexia

My motto is
'Dont let the sadness of your past & the fear of your future ruin the happiness of your present'

My life at the moment is completely different to how it once was. I spent 5 years sick with anorexia nervosia and depression as well as struggling with self harm and overexercising. I spent 2 years in different treatment centres.
And since 2012 i have been declared healthy from my eating disorder.

I have been blogging for 7 years, and my whole journey is written in my posts. I now represent healthy and happiness. I want to show anyone struggling that it is possible to recover, no matter how hard it may seem.

I now blog about recovery, my life, veganism and positivity!

If you have any questions leave them in the comment section as i am much quicker at answering there, otherwise you can always send an email:


Monday, March 21, 2016

Its not until it's too late that you will miss what you had

This morning i was reading this post: What the dying really regret about dying patients, and people who had cancer and the thing they missed most was their body. They regreted all the years they were displeased with their body or took their body for granted.
  But now it was too late... they cant go back to their old bodies. Spend hours dancing like they used to or have energy to go walking or other things they used to do.

So many people hate their bodies, want to change every little detail about their body... just focusing on the outside but forgetting the real reason we have a body. So that we can live... so that we can move.
  If we were meant to have thigh gaps, super flat stomachs and tiny arms... then that is what everybody would have. And everyone would be healthy looking that way.. but that is not how we are built. Humans are built to have bones, muscles, skin and fat. They all serve a purpose. We are supposed to move our body, have energy to go running - go hunting in forests. Our muscles help us lift heavy things, carry things, not be weak. Our bones are supposed to be strong to keep us standing tall and to keep us from breaking. Our skin covers our body to keep all our organs inside and fat is our protection and heat system. Fat is an essential part of our body.
  Just like the food we eat - carbs to give us energy, protein to keep us strong and healthy fats to give our brain and cells eneergy and to keep everything functioning in the body.
  Even our metabolism plays a very important role... it speeds up when you are more active or eat more... it uses more energy and makes you more hungry so that you eat enough when you are active. I.e the hunger and fullness feelings,. But also, when the body knows that it isnt getting enough energy... it goes into starvation mode. It wants to keep the body alive so some processes in the body are stopped or slowed down... they are seen as unnecessary energy expenditures. Thats why your hair becomes thing, you become cold and your hands and feet can turn blue/purple and be cold all the time... the circulation to your feet and hands slow down. And your hair, nails, teeth and bones arent getting the calcium, nutrients or energy to grow properly.
  When you are in starvation mode your body holds onto food and fat... keeping your protected. As well as making you more tired because 1)you arent getting the proper energy but also 2) your body doesnt want you to move as much. It wants you to just rest and not use so much energy when it knows that you arent getting the right energy to sustain your movement.

Your body is smart, SO MANY processes and different things are happening in your body every second... millions of things happening every second. And they all happen to KEEP YOU ALIVE. Think, when you get a virus your immune system fights to keep you healthy. It makes you tired and weak so that you can just rest and your body can fight the virus.
  Everything is in tune, working like a clock, everything has a role to play.

But what do you do? Well... you let your mind trick you and all you see is the outside. Your appearance. Not even caring about your insides... about your organs or your inner health. All you focus on is that your thighs are too big or you have fat on your arms or your hips? But in the end.... WHO CARES. Seriously... what does that matter?
  When you are dead, when you are in a grave... then you can be skin and bones. But WHY are you wasting your life trying to look like a skeleton? Scared of food... scared of fat on your body? Everyone has fat on their bodies, everyone needs fat on their bodies.

Stop focusing so much on your appearance or your goal body. Forget about those. Instead focus on inner health, on inner balance and peace. Focus on mental health....Why waste your life hating your body because one day you will end up without a body anyway.
  Why not use your body the way its meant to be used.... move your body (i.e when you are a healthy enough weight to do it!), laugh, eat delicious food (yes, your body can cope and handle all types of food!), hug people, smile, be nice to other people, rest and sleep, drink lots of water... find balance and peace.

There is more to life than your appearance. Of course being happy in your body is also important... liking the way you look. But health... innner health and mental health are so much more important than whether you have a flat stomach or not.
  If you dont like the way you look then change your thoughts instead of your body... happines wont come from losing 3kg or losing 10kg. Instead you need to work on your thoughts, on loving your body.
Change your thoughts not your body (a previous post)


  1. i love this post.
    when do you do your workout now that you are studying?

    1. I workout in the mornings before school.. Somedays in the evening if I have energy. But I avoid the 4-6pm times as it's crowded then!

    2. Thank you, Izzy -- and thank you again, so much, for this post.

  2. This post really struck a chord with me. I struggle every day to just love myself for who I am. But reading the article about the cancer patients and your post really made me re-evaluate my relationship with myself. I will put more of an effort into loving myself and my body everyday. Thank you so much for this inspiration <3

    1. It can be tough to love yourself, but making it a priority everyday and knowing that it isnt wrong to love yourself!!

  3. Wow. Wonderful. This inspired me so much! You are such a talented writer :)

    1. You are so sweet, thank you :) I am glad i could help somehow!

  4. Great post! One thing, from what I know from doctors, studies etc, the human cells and brain work on glucose. Whereas fat is mainly used to regulate hormones. When the body doesn't receive sufficient carbs, it will use triglycerides and amino acids for energy. May be wrong, but that's what I learned, so I'm open to any corrections/discussion :)

    1. Thats true, that is what i am studying at the moment. so carbs arent "Necessary" but its not exactly beneficial to cut carbs out of your diet as the brain and cells do need glucose and if it doesnt get it from food, it will use protein you eat for glucose as well as fat, but it means that protein wont be used for the other functions in your body and just turned to energy. So getting enough carbs is important, even if the body can survive without eating carbs. Whereas the body does need protein (the essential amino acids) and the essential fatty acids (omega 3 and omega 6) each day as well as vitamins and minerals.

    2. Hi, just to interject but I'm studying nutrition as well and from what I've been told:
      - Carbs are absolutely necessary. Your body only has about 530g of 'carb' reserves and 400g of this is only accessible to muscle. Your brain and other cells like red blood cells can ONLY use glucose as a fuel and as fat can't be converted to glucose, when that runs out your body begins to break down proteins to provide fuel for them.
      - Your body has (on average) only about 5.5kg of DISPENSABLE protein (you have more like 12 kg of protein in total but if more than 5.5kg were broken down to provide fuel for your brain and spinal cord your cells begin to break down and your body won't function).
      Without carbs your body will only last as long as it takes to break down your protein reserves and fat reserves, though your brain and other glucose-dependent cells and organs will cease to function once there is no more protein as they cannot make use of the fat for energy.

      Just thought I'd summarize what I've been studying at the moment, hope it's useful!!

  5. It sounds easily .. you don't have this problems, you can say it easy. Your appearance and your body look soo great! You have a wonderful figure and it seems to be, that you could eat what you want and you will get your weight:D But, what will be, if you weigh 15kg more then now or you haven't your slight body. Maby then you could think more about your body, or not?
    sorry my english isn't the best..i know :D
    J <3
    Hope you can reply and it mean no harm, i still admire you!

    1. Even if a person is over weight doesn't mean that they should hate their body or spend their whole life trying to lose weight or change their body. It's about finding happiness and acceptance. .. if someone is very over weight or underweight and that is causing health problems then they need to make changes so that their health improves. But being a bigger size doesn't make a person ugly or mean that they have to lose weight. People say to me, "how could I have bad body image days or hate the way I look at times", but it doesn't matter if someone is underweight, normal weight or overweight,you need to learn to love yourself. Changing your body can make confidence grow or improve self esteem, but it's also important to remember that if you have underlying problems they won't just go away because you lose or gain weight.

      Focusing your whole life on hating or changing your body is a waste of a life and you miss out on alot as you are too focused on your body. Laccording to me anyway.