Life without Anorexia

My motto is
'Dont let the sadness of your past & the fear of your future ruin the happiness of your present'

My life at the moment is completely different to how it once was. I spent 5 years sick with anorexia nervosia and depression as well as struggling with self harm and overexercising. I spent 2 years in different treatment centres.
And since 2012 i have been declared healthy from my eating disorder.

I have been blogging for 7 years, and my whole journey is written in my posts. I now represent healthy and happiness. I want to show anyone struggling that it is possible to recover, no matter how hard it may seem.

I now blog about recovery, my life, veganism and positivity!

If you have any questions leave them in the comment section as i am much quicker at answering there, otherwise you can always send an email: lifewithoutanorexia@hotmail.com

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Wednesday, March 9, 2016

Don't stop fighting for recovery

If someone told me 5 years ago that my life would be like it is now, there was no way i would have believed them. I dont think i would have wanted to believe them. I so badly wanted my l ife to be over so if i was told that i would still be alive in 5 years time i thought i would still be stuck in the hell of an eating disorder.

5 years ago, which isnt that long ago, i poured boiling hot water on my arm and hand just to try to numb the pain and feel anything else but the anxiety and mental pain. 5 years ago, i took too many painkillers, anything to numb the mental pain i was in. 5 years ago i would run or powerwalk outside until i fainted or felt like collapsing. 5 years ago i would get up in the middle of the night to exercise as that was the only time i wouldnt get caught. 5 years ago i couldn't even do basic human things such as feed myself, rest or sleep. I kept myself awake thinking i would burn more calories, i never sat if i wasnt forced to sit and i wouldnt eat unless someone forced me to eat. For me, it was unimaginable that i would ever be in university or living away from home.

But here i am, 5 years on from all of that. And it was not easy, not at all. Recovery wasn't easy and it definitely wasn't perfect. I still skipped meals and made it looked like i had eaten, i still went out for runs when i shouldnt have, i lied to my family and the staff at Mando as well as myself. Recovery is by no means easy, but it is worth it, and it is also possible. It can feel impossible at times... sometimes you sit and cry infront of food or there is so much anxiety inside of you that you cant put anything inside of your  body as you think you will explode. There are times you might cry over your appearance or want to run away from it all, exchange lives... but that doesnt work. Instead you need to work on making your life better, and that is about taking one small recovery step forward.

Somedays that meant that i put milk into my coffee instead of black coffee, somedays it meant that i took the right amount of yoghurt instead of less. Somedays it meant that i went out for a cinnamon or ice cream with my mum and could eat it all. Later on the recovery steps were bigger, such as not exercising even when i had planned to, being able to eat ice cream even though i hadnt exercised, being able to eat meals where oil, butter and cream had been used while been prepared. Later on i was able to listen to  my hunger and fullness signals and try to trust my body and my cravings.

Though of course, that was one long journey and took a very long time for it all to happen. But it was possible!

I know in recovery you can often think, i cant recover. I am a "unicorn", i am different and not like the others... i cant recover. But the truth is... you cant recover if you dont try to recover. You can not sit and say you cant recover if you aren't even trying to. And recovery is by no means easy, but that doesnt mean you can't do it.... everyone who has ever recovered from an eating disorder has gone through the anxiety and the guilt, gone through the process of the body changing, but they have kept fighting and kept trying to reach their goal. Recovery isnt just about weight gain - some dont even need to gain weight - it is about mental recovery and changing your thoughts. That is often what is hardest, to change your thoughts. And of course, the longer you have thought a certain way, the harder it is to change... but not impossible!!! You need to remind yourself that you CAN recover, that that life which you imagine and you want... You can reach that. But then it also means making the changes necessary to reach that life.


Recovery is fully possible, and you have to believe it and work for it. It is not enough to wish for a change but you have to work for it. Recovery from an eating disorder or mental illness isn't easy, you may slip up or backtrack, but in the end it is fully worth it.

Think in 5 years your life could be completely different? Now i can barely believe that the girl i was in 2011 was actually me... but in a way, i guess it wasn't me. It was something else controlling me and it was basically just the shell of my body. It wasnt until i began to fight for my life and my health that the true me got to take her place in my body again :)



9 comments:

  1. You're really cool!

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  2. you're a such amazing person!! I'd like to so strong like you are! 👏

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    1. Naaw thank you, that is so sweet of you.

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  3. You are inspiring me,Izzy...when I'm down i often read your blog and it makes me feel really better. Because of you i started to believe in myself, started to believe that i CAN be recovered... Thank you so much!!!

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    1. Thank you :) And you CAN recover, as long as you work for it. It may be tough, but it is definitely worth it when you are recovered. So even if times are tough and things seem impossible, know that you can get through them and you are strong enough to keep fighting!

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  4. This was a very poignant post, beautifully written. You are a real inspiration Izzy, living proof that even the toughest times in recovery can be got through.
    Thankyou for sharing your thoughts. Reading this renews my hopes that one day I will be free from all this too.

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    1. Thank you :) You are so sweet!! I hope you are doing well, and things are starting to get better for you :)

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