Life without Anorexia

My motto is
'Dont let the sadness of your past & the fear of your future ruin the happiness of your present'

My life at the moment is completely different to how it once was. I spent 5 years sick with anorexia nervosia and depression as well as struggling with self harm and overexercising. I spent 2 years in different treatment centres.
And since 2012 i have been declared healthy from my eating disorder.

I have been blogging for 7 years, and my whole journey is written in my posts. I now represent healthy and happiness. I want to show anyone struggling that it is possible to recover, no matter how hard it may seem.

I now blog about recovery, my life, veganism and positivity!

If you have any questions leave them in the comment section as i am much quicker at answering there, otherwise you can always send an email:


Wednesday, March 23, 2016

Beginning to run again, stomach pain - sugar is better than nothing, and an evening of studying and essay writing

Hello :)

The title basically says what i am going to write about in this post... so if none of it interests you, i guess you can skip this post, haha!

So.... this morning i decided it was time to run outside again, properly... for the first time in forever. Sure ive run outside for like 500m, hahaha. But it has been one thing after the other that has stopped me from running.... started with 1) lack of motivation due to too much traning, 2) my breathing got harder and that affected my running negatively, 3) knee pain, 4) back pain, 5) hip pain.... and then the weather te past few months has been a big factor as the snow and ice has stopped me from wanting to run outside. And i havent even done intervals on the treadmill because of all the factors above. And then it just got to a stage where... i knew i would have to start at the bottom again, and i have had a hard time accepting that. I know what i have been able to do, the distance and speed i have been able to run so i havent been able to accept that i have to start by just running 1km and not jumping into a 10km or expecting to run 21km after running 3 times. And mentally... i havent been able to accept that, so i havent even tried running at all... because if i cant run 10km, what is the point...or so that is how i have thought up until now. But i told myself.... i love running, and i know i can get back to where i once was before, but that means training and beginning from the bottom again. And i will see and feel progress.

So today, finally i decided to test running outside (after running on the treadmill for 10 minutes a few days ago and realising that my knees, hip and back didnt cause pain and i didnt feel like fainting from lack of oxygen). How did it go today.... it went fine and i enjoyed every moment of it... or well the first 5km went fine and i ran it without pain and without feeling like fainting, but the last 3km home again i had to stop and walk at times as my lungs weren't getting the oxygen they needed. But it felt so amazing and now all i am thinking is.... when can i run again!! And hopefully now i will try to run outside 1-3 times a week and keep progressing and hopefully be able to breathe better, get back to my normal pace (though it wasnt a slow pace at all, which i was surprised over!) and maybe even run races this summer which i didnt think i would do at all due to the non existent running!! haha.

Finding the joy in runnig again as well as looking forward to all the progress!

Anyway, once i got home things took a negative turn and after a late breakfast/lunch i got so much stomach pain, and i still have no idea why.... it wasnt any weird food or food that causes pain. But it was like knives were sticking into my stomach and i had to lie in a curled ball for a while until eventually the pain passed. I am wondering if maybe it was the running... exherting my body or something as burpees and strength training is one thing, but running is another.... not so sure. The pain isnt completely gone, but i was able to walk to the store and buy something to eat anyway as the last thing i wanted to eat was quorn or vegetables... infact just the thought of those foods (rather hard to digest foods) makes me feel nauseous. So instead i resorted to 3 easy things to give me energy as my food intake has been far from adequate and also somewhat able to keep down. So my snacks were cookie dough ice cream, yoghurt covered nuts and strawberries.... and atleast some of this has been able to be eaten before the "knives in my stomach" pain kicked in again :( But working through the pain and writing on my essay now as well as studying...  So that is my plan for the evening... try to eat what i can and do as much work as i can!

Also made sweet potatoe and some other vegetables with greek yoghurt mixed with spices!

Tomorrow is another long study day and then on Friday back to Stockholm to meet my family and celebrate Easter. (cancelled my appointment at the hospital... which maybe isnt so smart, but i am a little scared that they would want to admit me, so i rather wait another week where i do running and take inhalers and such and hopefully things will be better!).

For now... back to work :) How has your day been?


  1. I'm sorry there was so much pain today... though glad you got a nice 5k early on. I wish you had not cancelled the hospital appointment! Take care, X.
    I have also been off running for ages due to knee pain. I thought I would go to the doctor tomorrow and ask why I keep getting this same pain in the knee whenever I try to run....

    1. It was lovely to run today, atleast something positive!! I hope things go well at the doctors appointment for you and you get some advice on what to do with your knee. It is awful to have pain in joints and such and especially when it stops you from doing what you enjoy!! Hopefully you will be pain free and able to run again soon :)

      I do have an appointment in 1-2 weeks time... i just felt i needed to try to make things better on my own instead of going there and knowing that they would most likely want to admit me :(

  2. Have the Doctors mentioned that it could be the medication you're on giving you stomach pain at all? xx

    1. No they havent... and i have taken the medication for a few days now, so it would be strange if it came all of a sudden and then gone again by the evening. Usually when i get stomach pain from medication it is not sharp pain... but if the pain comes back before i go to the doctors i can talk to them about it :)

  3. Izzy, maybe the pain is beause you eat too much cold food, it happened to me, i stopped eating things right out of the refrigerator, now i drink warm water, i eat cooked vegetables, etc. and i don't feel any pain anymore. Hope this help you :)

    1. Oh thank you for that tip :) though i do eat warm food, and the pain was just yesterday after not having that sort of "stabbing pain" for a while now. But i guess if it happens again it might be easier to try to connect the dots of what i ate, or what i did and when the pain comes.

  4. Sometimes there is no rhyme or reason for the pain, it just happens - well to me anyway. I can eat one food on one day and be fine but eat it the next day and I`ll be in pain. If it is gastritis pain you are suffering it really helps to eat yogurt regularly, if I miss a couple of days or are low on my milk intake (lacto free)I get that familiar acid like feeling in my stomach and the pains begin, so maybe eating yogurt would work for you too? Also I cannot tolerate any raw foods, all vegetables or fruit have to be cooked - do you find you have problems after eating raw vegetables etc? Fruit can be really acidic on the stomach and irritate it - I brought some strawberrys the other day and after eating them instantly regretted it, so never again!
    It is tough trying to find the foods you can eat without causing pain but believe me it is worth it not to suffer. Apart from a few hiccups - like the strawberrys - my gastritis is mostly under control now through medication and diet, but I do get occasions when I just can`t fathom why I`m in pain so it is out with the hot water bottle and rest until it passes.
    Stress can cause the pain too - so make sure you get yourself a decent break over Easter and try to rest. Do you find the pain gets worse when you are stressed through study?
    Good to hear the running went well and you are working to getting back to doing something you like!