I thought I would write a sort of 'public/online letter to the 12 year old me'. Things that I wish I had known or someone had told me at that age.
Controlling your food is not a way of controlling your life. Yo are in the stage of your life where things are changing. You are going from child to teenager, learning to grow up and be mature. Having to let go of your barbies,let go of childhood activities. However you aren't an adult,you are still young. You don't need to have a life plan,you don't need to panic about the future. You just need to enjoy life as it is at the moment. You don't need to start thinking about death, about what awaits you because you know what,everything will be ok. Things will sort themselves out. Life has its ups and downs and you will go through tough times and go through great times. But you need to keep going and not dwell on the bad things.
Life is always changing and you can not control that,you are not supposed to control it either. You are supposed to learn to live with the ups and downs. Make the best of any situation. You are young and don't need to have your future planned or mapped out.
You should make goals and have dreams and know that they can be achieved and reached. That dream of visiting new York or getting a tattoo... They aren't so impossible. They are dreams which will be achieved, just let it take time. Not everything has to happen at once. Things go wrong and you may get disappointed but don't do stupid things.
Also don't succumb to peer pressure. You don't need to date someone you don't like.... that first kiss you wanted so badly? Well it's not gonna be as great as you think. Wait for the right person,not just the first person. Also don't let others control you. You know what is best for you, stop being a people pleaser and learn to stand up for yourself. People will try to knock you down, tell you that your dreams will never come true or that the dreams or unachievable, but that is not true. Don't be around those people and don't let those people affect you.
Learn to focus in yourself and care less about what others think of you. Be yourself and don't be so scared. There are worse things in life than people seeing you eat. You need food and eating is a normal thing.
Know that skipping lunch and breakfast will not amount to anything good. You can not function properly without food and you are putting your CF in danger. You are doing the thing which scares you the most.... shortening your life span.
You are still a child whether that is what you want to hear or not. You are not an adult and you are allowed to behave like a child at times. You don't need to be the one to solve everyone's problems. Learn to put yourself first sometimes it is something you will need to learn in life and it's better to learn it early.
Also remember that people like you for who you are. Don't question that. Know that you are worth loving and people like you. If they didn't want to be friends with you then they wouldn't be.
And lastly, know that you are beautiful just the way you are and you don't need to change. You need to learn to love yourself for both your positives and negatives. Nobody is perfect because there is no such thing as perfect.