Life without Anorexia

My motto is
'Dont let the sadness of your past & the fear of your future ruin the happiness of your present'

My life at the moment is completely different to how it once was. I spent 5 years sick with anorexia nervosia and depression as well as struggling with self harm and overexercising. I spent 2 years in different treatment centres.
And since 2012 i have been declared healthy from my eating disorder.

I have been blogging for 7 years, and my whole journey is written in my posts. I now represent healthy and happiness. I want to show anyone struggling that it is possible to recover, no matter how hard it may seem.

I now blog about recovery, my life, veganism and positivity!

If you have any questions leave them in the comment section as i am much quicker at answering there, otherwise you can always send an email:


Wednesday, February 24, 2016

You are not your eating disorder

One of the things in recovery is letting go of your eating disorder....  which can be incredibly tough as your ED has become your comfort and almost your identity. You become known as the person who skips lunch, or the person who only eats salad or just brings their own food with them. People no longer ask you to go out for dinner or ask you over for movie and snacks. People no longer ask you why you arent eating or if you want some cake, they already know the answer.

When i first began developing my ED and skipped lunch in school it only took a few weeks before nobody asked me whether i was eating lunch or not, whether i was hungry, whether i wanted to try something.... it was like they just accepted i didnt eat or that i had eaten beforehand. But they never suspected i had an ED ( not that i am aware of. However once i got admitted to hospital and my sister had posted a picture of me looking really skinny i am pretty sure the rumors spread, but i was never to find out or comfirm or deny them.)

But back to topic.... its easy to think of yourself as the person who doesnt eat. The person who is super skinny. The person who is sick... Thats your identity. The sick person.¨
  But the truth is, that ISNT your identity. That is just what you think of yourself and you need to change those thoughts...

YES, you can go out and eat. YES, you can go out with friends and eat lunch. You dont need to keep playing the role of being sick. You arent making anyone happy, you arent impressing anyone by skipping meals or being skinniest. You arent impressing anyone with your salad in your tupperware or your hours of cardio.

YOU  need to be the one who lets go, Who decides that you no longer want to be identified as the sick person. Think you could be the creative one... you could be the sporty one. You could be the musical person, the happy person, the smiley person..... any type of person, but you choose to be the sick one, why`?
I am known as the sporty and healthy one in my group of friends and i love it! I love being known as the active, sporty person. That is an identitiy which i WANT to  be associated with. I dont mind people thinking that of me.
  When i moved school i never told anyone about my past years because i didnt want people to identify me as the girl who HAD HAD an ED. That wasnt what i wanted.... i wanted to recreate myself and that is what i did!
  YOU can do that as well... detach yourself from your ED and your ED behaviour.

At first you might get surprised reactions when you ask to go for ice cream or when you take extra portions or when you actually eat with other people. But take those reactions as positive ones.- You are changing, doing something good, something that shocks people - in a good way. They are happy for you and THAT is what counts. Their reactions arent negative ones, they are happy that you are doing something you might not have done in a while.
  Take those reactions as positive ons and know that one day you eating wont be shocking, it will be normal just like anyone else eating!


You are so much more than your eating disorder. You need to find YOU. Because you are NOT the sick person. You are NOT your eating disorder.


  1. Great post, Izzy! I remember struggling with this so badly when I was recovering. I had been sick in one way or another that I literally had no identity - no personality, even - outside of Sick Girl. I didn't know who I was, what I liked. Losing my sick identity felt like losing my entire self. I didn't think I could stand on my own. I felt it was the only thing that made me, me - special, real, unique, whatever. It was terrifying to let that go. And for a long while, there really was nothing to replace it. I felt like a total blank. I felt boring, and empty, and scared. It took a long time to come into myself, to start filling out as a person. I started keeping journals of cutout magazine pics (I guess the old-school version of Pinterest collecting?), of clothes or scenes or quotes or recipes or whatever that appealed to me. I started learning what I liked. I started exploring what kind of person I really was. Eventually, there was a tipping point of sorts - I wasn't wondering what I liked anymore, I was knowing what I liked. Knowing who I was started to give me confidence in myself. There was now something there TO like, where before it was just a big vacuum of nothingness. It became fun, figuring myself out. And finding out that I liked what I was finding - and other people liked it, too.

    Trust me, NO ONE missed Sick Me. And I stopped missing Sick Me. In fact, now I see her as the blank, the waste of space. I was nothing back then. I was pathetic, just a walking, talking illness. Now I am a real person, who loves and is loved. It was a process full of growing pains, but totally worth it in the end. In fact, thanks to going through everything I have, I probably have a better sense of self and self-awareness than most people. This keeps me grateful for the experience, instead of sad at the amount of time I spent sick. It helps me feel strong.

    Anybody struggling with the identity issue - take Izzy's post to heart! She speaks the truth!

    1. **I had been sick in one way or another for so long

      Sorry for typos, writing on a tablet and it does weird stuff!

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    3. a question of curiosity for the anonymous - what ages were you sick, and when did you recover? it doesn't matter if you'd rather not say, was just interested -- thank you for your testimony

    4. I became sick at age 13, and recovered throughout my late 20s. However, I had a comorbid addiction issue, which lasted into my 30s. I began truly recovering from everything around age 31. I am currently 33, and after two decades of illness, I am finally free :). Can I ask why you were wondering about age?

    5. Thank you - it is sweet of you to reply. I was just curious and interested. The sort of narrative you give of finding oneself after losing oneself to the sick person I think is different depending on how long one was sick for, when one lost oneself, and when one found oneself again. It is different if it all happened, say, between the ages of 14 and 17, from if it is between 13 and 20s/early 30s, as you say. I don't have a narrative of my own that would sound the same as yours, but there are some points of contact at certain points and I was interested because I am a lot older than I think many of the people who read Izzy's blog. Take care, and all good wishes.

    6. I find this interesting too. I also think I'm one of the oldest folks reading this blog ;). I had a lot of trouble with the identity piece because I was ill during all of the formative years when most people are learning to define themselves and figure out who they are and where they belong in the world. When I finally started getting well, I was at a total loss. I was light-years behind my peers, and struggled heavily with feelings of inferiority, as I was basically still 14 years old in many ways. It was very scary to launch myself into the world from this shaky founddation. I did not feel that recovering equalled getting back to the real me - there WAS no real me underneath. I felt more that I was creating a self some scratch, a whole new me. I had to start very small, doing very juvenile self-discovery tasks, until I had gained some footing. It was a very self-conscious, uncomfortable phase. But once I got a toehold, it became much easier to continue. Can I ask what your experience was? I'm interested in the differences and similarities between our stories (including how age played a role). Feel free to pass, I won't be hurt, but if you feel like writing about it I would definitely feel like reading it :). I'm also glad to know I'm not the only older one here.

    7. Thank you .... I wish I had a straightforward answer that I could sum up in a paragraph and share with you. I'm a few years older than you (that is not a euphemism), but I look on this aspect of my history still as something really complicated, and though I understand better as the years roll on, I still can't just sum it up helpfully, and certainly not in a way that doesn't leave me feeling more exposed than I quite want to in this forum. I appreciate your comments though, and am glad that, long as it took, it has got you to a place where you feel free and can reflect on it in this way. I hope you find that exploring life continues to be ever more interesting (as I do!).

  2. So true. One's actual identity is completely lost with an eating disorder and when you start to find yourself and ED thoughts fade --it is the best feeling in the world!

    Something definitely worth fighting for. :)

  3. I think this is one of THE hardest things about getting better. It has taken me a long time to realise people are much more interested in the new me and that I have so much more to offer as a person who eats, joins in, can socialise, is happy than the person people were afraid to talk to because I was so withdrawn and ill. I too have found a much healthier, active lifestyle and I love being known for that! I promise there is so much more out there for anyone still suffering than being known as the anorexic one. Because it is such a cold, lonely lifestyle. And you absolutely have so much more about you, even if you don't realise now. As you get better and feel better, you find your personality again and people will love it xx

  4. I can relate a lot to this post. I haven't thought much about this recently because ive been drowning the world out like I always do. people tend to not invite me anywhere because they know my answer. I basically have no friends. But yeah this is something I would have to eventually face and it's scary. I feel like I don't know myself, and I don't remember how I used to be like before my ED. Thanks for the post because it gives me something to think about.

  5. I feel like the time I spent sick is just a blur and now I am recovering I wonder just where those years have gone - what a waste. I find it hard to imagine I was "normal" once and did "normal" things - where has that person gone? How did I let it get into such a state? I feel like I am waking up now, discovering life again and realising life can be different for me. Its scary and exciting at the same time - and I look forward to when I am fully recovered and wonder what kind of life I will be leading then, not that it has to be wildly different, more like in terms of how I will feel about yet unknown but I`m determined to get there.
    Thankyou Izzy and thankyou everyone else for your posts, they were very thought provoking.