Life without Anorexia

My motto is
'Dont let the sadness of your past & the fear of your future ruin the happiness of your present'

I am a generally happy girl who loves running, going to the gym and eating food!! Though my life has been very different.
I spent 5 years sick with anorexia nervosia & purging tendencies & over exercising. I was depressed and self harmed. I spent 2 years in different treatment centres.
After alot of struggles, lots of ups and downs, suicide attempts, tears, anxiety, panic and never thinking i would be healthy.
I am now declared healthy from anorexia nervosia.

I have been blogging for 4 years, and my whole journey is written in my posts. I now represent healthy and happiness. I want to show anyone struggling that it is possible to recover, no matter how hard it may seem.

I am happy and healthy and living my life. Going to school, meeting friends and trying to find myself in this world.

I write about my daily life, but also try to write posts about how it was when i was sick, advice and tips.
I am open and friendly, so dont be scared about writing a post or sending me an email at:


Wednesday, February 3, 2016

Warning for negative post

Today is just one of those awful days... one of those days where nothing goes right.

Lots of low back pain making it impossible to sit or stand without lots of pain (rhe only comfortable position is lying on my stomach). And I am dreading 6 hours of lectures tomorrow, because if I sit more than 10 minutes I get this panicked feeling due to the pain and gravitational force on my spine and lower back. All I need is to lie down and not stand or sit... though walking is fine.

Also the library was full with student so I had no place to sit and study so after waiting a while I decided to head home... and I got some studying done. Though my lower back hurt so much it was hard to concentrate at times.

I don't have Internet in the apartment anymore. .. apparently it's shut off and we need to buy our own Internet (as it's a student apartment we had access to the student Internet.) But that kind of sucks because 1) don't know when I'll have Internet in the apartment again and 2) it said that Internet was part of my rent money. .. but now I need to pay extra for Internet. .. :/ oh well.

I had to do an extra assignment due to my missed lecture last week (due to train failure) and I've had to redo and send it in 4 times already because the answers have been too long or too short or the wrong answer. .... I'm so frustrated and don't know what it is I'm doing wrong. The questions are so vague so when I answered in detail it was too much detail, when I answered with less detail it was not enough, when I did something inbetween it was the wrong answer. ... so I'm confused and need to try to fix it so that it is not too long, not too short and the right answer..... so confusing.

And finally. ... I'm missing home. Mostly the fact that I have no Internet and so can't just watch a film or series .. instead just sitting in my silence. And today has just been an awful day and so I think I just miss the comfort of home and "normal". This evening I'm sad.... and feeling numb. Just sort of had enough (and know I don't write everything that happens in my life or my day or in my thoughts. So its not that one "bad" day makes me feel sad... its just a whole bunch of things).

It's only 6.30pm now but all I want to do is go to sleep and make this day be over.

At the moment I feel no motivation to get up in the mornings, no excitement for a new day, no motivation for the future. Just numb and unwilling. Not feeling happy at the moment at all... but I'm going to work towards finding my happiness again, and next week I'm going to head back to stockholm and spend time at home, with my friends and with my boyfriend.  So I guess that's some sort of motivation anyway! For now, just one day at a time I guess.


  1. Oh man, sounds like a rough day. :-(
    For all the thoughtful posts you write that have helped me, I wish I could give something back! The best I can do is remind you that things will get better.
    I remember seeing a little plaque in a gift shop, the kind of plaques you hang in your kitchen that have dumb little rhymes on them like 'bless this mess' or whatever. But this one was about happiness, and it was "Someone to love, something to do, something to look forward to", and I think there's a lot of truth in it.
    When I'm feeling down I try to focus on those things and it helps a bit. In any case, I hope you feel better tomorrow!

  2. I really hope you contact someone who can help you with your thoughts and emotions..:( Maybe you can see a therapist in your school? :) you deserve to be happy and enjoy your life!!

  3. Izzy, can you talk to your lecturer / teacher? University teachers are human too. If you don't talk to them, they can't know .... And they may be glad for the feedback, to understand better where some of their students are coming from. They can't tell what you are struggling with, unless you tell them. Take care, and be patient and gentle with yourself!

  4. Sorry to read that you are struggling - moving away from home is a massive step and I can understand you are finding things difficult and trying to adjust to things. I think its a good idea for you to go back home for a little while, let your mum look after you and spend time with your family and boyfriend. Is there someone you can talk to at uni about your feelings - a student counsellor or some one? There is usually good support available especially for new students.
    Can you approach your landlord about the loss of internet? if it is supposed to be included in your rent then something is clearly wrong and should either be sorted out or explained properly.
    Hope you have a better day tomorrow, take care ((())