Today is just one of those awful days... one of those days where nothing goes right.
Lots of low back pain making it impossible to sit or stand without lots of pain (rhe only comfortable position is lying on my stomach). And I am dreading 6 hours of lectures tomorrow, because if I sit more than 10 minutes I get this panicked feeling due to the pain and gravitational force on my spine and lower back. All I need is to lie down and not stand or sit... though walking is fine.
Also the library was full with student so I had no place to sit and study so after waiting a while I decided to head home... and I got some studying done. Though my lower back hurt so much it was hard to concentrate at times.
I don't have Internet in the apartment anymore. .. apparently it's shut off and we need to buy our own Internet (as it's a student apartment we had access to the student Internet.) But that kind of sucks because 1) don't know when I'll have Internet in the apartment again and 2) it said that Internet was part of my rent money. .. but now I need to pay extra for Internet. .. :/ oh well.
I had to do an extra assignment due to my missed lecture last week (due to train failure) and I've had to redo and send it in 4 times already because the answers have been too long or too short or the wrong answer. .... I'm so frustrated and don't know what it is I'm doing wrong. The questions are so vague so when I answered in detail it was too much detail, when I answered with less detail it was not enough, when I did something inbetween it was the wrong answer. ... so I'm confused and need to try to fix it so that it is not too long, not too short and the right answer..... so confusing.
And finally. ... I'm missing home. Mostly the fact that I have no Internet and so can't just watch a film or series .. instead just sitting in my silence. And today has just been an awful day and so I think I just miss the comfort of home and "normal". This evening I'm sad.... and feeling numb. Just sort of had enough (and know I don't write everything that happens in my life or my day or in my thoughts. So its not that one "bad" day makes me feel sad... its just a whole bunch of things).
It's only 6.30pm now but all I want to do is go to sleep and make this day be over.
At the moment I feel no motivation to get up in the mornings, no excitement for a new day, no motivation for the future. Just numb and unwilling. Not feeling happy at the moment at all... but I'm going to work towards finding my happiness again, and next week I'm going to head back to stockholm and spend time at home, with my friends and with my boyfriend. So I guess that's some sort of motivation anyway! For now, just one day at a time I guess.