Life without Anorexia

My motto is
'Dont let the sadness of your past & the fear of your future ruin the happiness of your present'

I am a generally happy girl who loves running, going to the gym and eating food!! Though my life has been very different.
I spent 5 years sick with anorexia nervosia & purging tendencies & over exercising. I was depressed and self harmed. I spent 2 years in different treatment centres.
After alot of struggles, lots of ups and downs, suicide attempts, tears, anxiety, panic and never thinking i would be healthy.
I am now declared healthy from anorexia nervosia.

I have been blogging for 4 years, and my whole journey is written in my posts. I now represent healthy and happiness. I want to show anyone struggling that it is possible to recover, no matter how hard it may seem.

I am happy and healthy and living my life. Going to school, meeting friends and trying to find myself in this world.

I write about my daily life, but also try to write posts about how it was when i was sick, advice and tips.
I am open and friendly, so dont be scared about writing a post or sending me an email at:


Tuesday, February 16, 2016

Step by step guide to recovery (?)

When it comes to eating disorder recovery i wish i could say that if you do X then Y will happen. And if you eat like this you will gain x kilo and you will be healthy in Y weeks. But i am sure you all understand how unrealistic that is.... because recovery is so different for everyone. And unfortunatly you cant say that "if you do this, then that will happen".

Of course there are studies that have shown that as you gain weight recovery becomes easier in a sense as you feel more energetic, you get your motivation and life back, your body and mind gets stronger and more energy and you can think more clearly and rationally, but it doesnt make recovery easy... it just makes you able to think more clearer, concentrate and more motivated for life. As well as studies showing that as you increase food your metabolism begins to work normally again and also weight gain generally slows down/your body adapts to calories.

However when it comes to how much you should eat, when weight gain distribution happens, when you get your period back, when you are healthy.... i cant answer those things as they are all so individual. I have many posts in my FAQ which can answer some questions you may have, and you can also search my blog (use the search button ;) Or click HERE ).

I cant tell you how many calories you should begin to eat because that is also very individual. If you have eaten very small amounts then suddenly eating 2000kcal could cause refeeding syndrome, but if you have been eating around 1200-1500, then you can increase to 2000kcal and try to increase to 2500-3000. How often you should increase also depends on your weight gain and other factors... how your body is adapting. Some might need to increase with 100 each week others increase by 500kcal every 2-4 weeks. But ican say that it is recommended to try to eventually eat around 2500kcal or more FOR weight gain. So dont stick with 1500kcal just because you gain weight each week, that isnt enough and you still need to increase.

 With recovery it is all about going against your eating disorder, doing the opposite of what your eating disorder wants. Its about creating HEALTHY habits, finding the joy and motivation in life and taking the focus away from food, calories, body image. Instead finding other things in life and being able to live a life you enjoy.

Recovery is just like life... it is uncertain, sometimes you make mistakes and you backtrack. Sometimes you need to sit down and think about which way you are heading and whether you are making the right choices. Recovery is about small steps forward all the time.....  Facing your fears and knowing that the guilt and anxiousness around food will go away as YOU get stronger, as YOU get healthier. The only way to get rid of the guilt and the anxiety is to face it.... to realise that it wont kill you and that the things that scare you arent so bad as you think they are.

But recovery is also about finding out and solving the actual problem behind the eating disorder. Because you can eat and gain weight, but if you dont solve your actual problem then you will just end up relapsing. So whether its due to past traumas you need to work through, low self esteem, scared of the future or not wanting to be adult or other issues, you need to work through them. Because those problems will still be there even after you gain weight and that is the thing that will hold you back from true recovery. You need to learn to cope with your problems and troubles in a healthy way, not resorting to destructive behaviour.

And recovery is also about body love and body acceptance. Because if you cant learn to accept your body or love your body, and also to realise that you are more than your body then that will keep you back from true recovery. Of course you need to sort of let your body be.... let your body be healthy and begin to love your body, nourish it properly and treat it properly and that is done via self love. Because otherwise you will just resort to diets, destructive behaviour and other habits to try to change your body as you think happiness comes from a certain body size or weight, when infact happiness comes from other things in life and not from a size 2 or a size 4 in clothing.

I wish there was some step by step guideline i could give you all, I mean wouldnt that be awesome. Like a 12 step recovery guideline, however it isnt that simple when it comes to eating disorder recovery.

You go back and forward and things arent so straight forward. Some people recover by measuring their food and following a meal plan, others recovery by just eating what their body needs. Some people gain weight quickly, others slowly. Some end up developing other eating disorders, some end up relapsing. Some people plan when they face fear foods, some do it spontaneously. Some people go to therapists, others write or get their thoughts and feelings out in other ways.

Its all so individual and when you do something is individual as well. I mean not everone recovering from an eating disorder needs to gain weight either... some need to gain 25kg others need to gain 2kg, and then its a different approach to the recovery. Because a person who needs to gain 25kg needs to just focus on eating and resting the first few weeks, compared to someone who needs to gain 2kg who needs to talk about their problems and get to the root of the problem and focus alot on body issues as well as finding balance with food, and increase food intake. But also someone who has been severely undernourished for weeks, months or years will be in a different state than someoone who has only been undernourished a few weeks. But also not to mention all the different types of eating disorders.

For example if someone struggles with binge eating then they need to try to avoid trigger foods, find balance with food, talk about their problems and might not necessarily need to gain weight. But then someone who struggles with restrictive eating and they begin to eat lots due to extreme hunger, its not really the same thing. And then of course if someone purges they need to focus on stopping the purging before they begin to maybe increase their food intake or such. As you might notice... its not so easy to give a "One guide fits all" recovery guidelines.

But i hope anyway that with my previous blog posts and posts about many differnet topics you can sort of gather information and put together yourself what you need to do and when. Proffessional care is always recommended but if you cant afford it or dont recieve proffessional treatment, then you need to do it yourself and that IS possible as well, but its different. Then you sort of need to gifure things out yourself and there will be steps forward and steps back, but you can still recover on your own.  I have written THIS post about recovering on your own which might be helpful. But of course, i will try my best to answer all questions if you need the help but as mentioned.... i cant really give a step by step, how to recover guide.


  1. one of the MANY things I love about your blog is precisely that you don't give easy answers or try to produce a one size fits all. You speak to so many people in so many different ways. To different stages of recovery, post recovery and different kinds of people, with different bodies, different personalities, different lives. And you do ALL that without even meeting 99% of them or even knowing them by name. You know, your blog is a remarkable achievement.

    1. You are so sweet and your comment put a huge smile on my face :) I try my best to help as many as I can and it isn't easy and everyone is different and needs differenr advice , but I try to do my best anyway!! And receiving comments like this makes me feel so happy :)

  2. Today I'm on the "I'll try to do it" step, although some days I fall back to "I can't do it"...But I will!I know! :)