Life without Anorexia

My motto is
'Dont let the sadness of your past & the fear of your future ruin the happiness of your present'

My life at the moment is completely different to how it once was. I spent 5 years sick with anorexia nervosia and depression as well as struggling with self harm and overexercising. I spent 2 years in different treatment centres.
And since 2012 i have been declared healthy from my eating disorder.

I have been blogging for 7 years, and my whole journey is written in my posts. I now represent healthy and happiness. I want to show anyone struggling that it is possible to recover, no matter how hard it may seem.

I now blog about recovery, my life, veganism and positivity!

If you have any questions leave them in the comment section as i am much quicker at answering there, otherwise you can always send an email:


Friday, February 19, 2016

Seeing your body change (eating disorder recovery)

In recovery and when you are going through the weight gain process your body changes in many different ways,

There is bloating and might even be swelling, you feel yourself getting bigger, almost expanding but that isn't the case You feel bigger than what you actually are because you look down on yourself, but also because you feel and look different to how you have looked the past days/weeks when you have been starving or using other unhealthy mechanisms.

The weight will distribute eventually but it is not something you notice happening, it just sort of happens and the bloating will go away. The extreme bloating doesnt last forever, however everyone bloats at times. Sometimes more than others and some people bloat more than other people it is based on many different things. But if you find a way to eat that suits you and your stomach then the bloating shouldnt be too bad.

In recovery you need to let go of things such as visible bones, thigh gaps and visible abs. Being obsessed with having super skinny legs or visible abs, then it will be harder for you to accept your new body. Your body will change and it might look different to how you want it to look, but give your body time. The way you look in recovery, especially a few weeks into the weight gain is not necessarily how you will look forever. Your appearance changes. And you wont necessarily look the same way you did before your eating disorder because you have changed and grown.

You do need to remember that the way you look is also due to genes and DNA, somethings you cant change. I.e some people have more weight on their top half or their bottom half. For example my fat is mainily stored on my thighs, hips and stomach and very little is on my arms and top half. This is the same for my mum and sister, but also in my family we are generally long and slim so that is a genetic and something i can't change. I.e even if i were to gain 10kg more i would still have the long and 'lean' look, somewhat anyway.
  So things like height, DNA and genes you can't change and you just need to accept them. I.e if you are 5'2 you wont suddenly be 5'9, you need to accept your height and weight and also accept your NATURAL BODY SIZE. Your body has a healthy weight where it is comfortable at and that is what you need to accept.

In recovery you might get things like stretch marks, cellulite and rolls. I know this may cause anxiety and cause you to panic, think that you dont want those things. But they are just part of the human body and nothing to be scared or panic about. They are barely noticable and really they dont make any difference to your body or appearance, you are still you.

It can be advised to not spend too much time infront of the mirror but it isnt helpful to completely  avoid the mirror either. I mean you need to accept your reflection, but most importantly accept yourself. Be happy in your own body. Accept the changes in your body  and being ok with them. Know that they are changes which make you healthier, which are taking you to a healthier body and hopefully a healthier mind set.

Do things which you enjoy and make you happy. Wear comfy clothes, dont spend too much time infront of the mirror. Though it can be good to practise with your self confidence and such in changing rooms, because that is something which can trigger many people. But you cant avoid changing rooms forever, you need to face your triggers otherwise they will always be triggers.

Everyday say something positive about yourself and your appearance. Be kind to yourself and see your positives.
Stop comparing yourself with others and focus on your goal of healthy body and healthy mind.
Dont focus too much on numbers or small details on your body. Instead focusing on living life, on having goals and dreams can help you to accept your body as you realise that your body is your way of living. Your way of getting from place A to place B and that your body isnt everything. Because those stretch marks or stomach rolls, they arent the whole world even if it may feel like it right now. But know that there is more to life than your body or these small things which nobody else notices or cares about.

Changes happen during recovery, but learn to accept them and see them as positive changes. And if you cant see them as positive, atleast learn to accept them and not let them bring you down. You can get through this, and you can get through the changes!!!

Below are some helpful posts:

Body changes in eating disorder recovery
Dont compare your everyday to peoples highlights
Not being the thinnest anymore - how to cope
The physical aspects of anorexia recovery

1 comment:

  1. Thanks for writing this and for the links to other posts, I really needed to read stuff like this today. Having a bad day where feeling bloated is concerned so it really helps to read and reaffirm why this is happening and know that it won`t last forever. I`ve just got to keep going and see it through, but some days it is so hard. Thank goodness for baggy jogging bottoms I say.