Life without Anorexia
My motto is 'Dont let the sadness of your past & the fear of your future ruin the happiness of your present'
My life at the moment is completely different to how it once was. I spent 5 years sick with anorexia nervosia and depression as well as struggling with self harm and overexercising. I spent 2 years in different treatment centres.
And since 2012 i have been declared healthy from my eating disorder.
I have been blogging for 7 years, and my whole journey is written in my posts. I now represent healthy and happiness. I want to show anyone struggling that it is possible to recover, no matter how hard it may seem.
I now blog about recovery, my life, veganism and positivity!
If you have any questions leave them in the comment section as i am much quicker at answering there, otherwise you can always send an email: firstname.lastname@example.org
Tuesday, February 23, 2016
Regaining trust and control from your parents after an eating disorder
I was asked about this topic so i thought i would do a repost ;)
As the quote goes, it takes years to build trust but only seconds to break. And that is very true when it comes to eating disorders..... Once you do something wrong it is like all trust is gone. Which can be a positive thing though as it means that those around you care for you and just want your best so they make sure that you eat what you are supposed to. But at the same time that mistrust can last a little too long and can irritating when you feel healthy but no one trusts you.
Also, having someone watch you each time you make a meal or eat can get extremely furiating after a while.
However the first thing to remember is that your family care about you. They do it because they are worried about you and want you to eat... you ruined the trust and now they still worry. It's also important to ask yourself, are you actually healthy? Can you eat all your meals when no one is watching your or no one prepares the meals for you.... Because sometimes you want everyone to back off just so that you can return to old ways, and then that will lead to even more mistrust.
I would begin with communication with your family. Tell them what bothers you and ask if they can either be less obvious about their staring or maybe to begin to trust you more. ... Because in the end, you have to be able to eat and take care of yourself. You can't have someone watching you eat or prepare all your meals forever. Maybe begin with you making and eating breakfast on your own each day and if that works out maybe you can make lunch or dinner a few times a week . Also communicating with your parents and telling them that the food comments aren't necessary. Food comments can be both triggering and irritating but you also have to learn to deal with them, because many many people comment about food or how a person eats or what they eat. Try to tell them why it triggers you and what they can say instead, or not say anything at all. If it will help you that they don't comment then mention that.
But lastly, and the most important. Actions speak louder than words. I know you want your trust back, you want to be more free with food and not have someone watch you each time you are going to eat. But in the end, you have to show them that you can be trusted. It's not always enough to say that you want trust and can be trusted. I know from experience, my mum was very trusting and believing of me... and I abused that very much. She would ask me if I ate and I would say yes even if I hadn't. I loved that she trusted me so that I could get away with not eating,but in the end it was me who took the consequences and it was me who failed to recover or accept the help at that time. And also, when my mum learnt that I couldn't be trusted it was 150% mistrust for a very long time and she had to see me eat and and sit with me after meals and not allow me to go to the bathroom after meals, even when I began to feel healthier. It annoyed be, but then I realised. ... why? Because in the end she just wants the best for me, and if I am not cheating with my meals, if I am not going to purge my meal or go stand somewhere instead of sitting then why should it bother me and when I began to think like that it helped me. And as I began to show and prove that I could be trusted she began to trust me more and I got more control over my food. I was allowed more freedom and could choose to eat at 3.15 instead of 3 or to eat in my bedroom instead of at the kitchen table and was allowed to begun cooking my own meals as well. (This was when I was a day patient/during weekends... otherwise when I was an inpatient I had absaloutly no trust from the staff ever!!)
So remember, show your parents that you can be trusted. But also communicate to them, try to compromise and see how they feel, what you can do to be trusted.
And also be honest with yourself, do you want the freedom back so that you can return to old ways or so that you can begin focusing more on life ?
For some parents it takes longer to trust again, for others it goes quicker. But be patient, work hard and show that you can be trusted. In the end you need to eat the food anyway. And if they are commenting on ED behaviour such as eating too slow, leaving food on the plate etc, then ask yourself why it bothers you.... If it is a normal behaviour it shouldn't bother you so much,but if you want your freedom so much just so that you can eat slowly and leave food on the plate then how healthy is that? But of course..... If you are beginning to listen to your body and your signals then there might be times you are too full to finish your meal, but it still shouldn't be a huge deal if you are made to finish your meal anyway... you will just feel a little extra full.
I hope this helps to those of you who asked about this or anyone else in the same situation. But know that trust will be earned again, but sometimes it takes time :)