Life without Anorexia

My motto is
'Dont let the sadness of your past & the fear of your future ruin the happiness of your present'

My life at the moment is completely different to how it once was. I spent 5 years sick with anorexia nervosia and depression as well as struggling with self harm and overexercising. I spent 2 years in different treatment centres.
And since 2012 i have been declared healthy from my eating disorder.

I have been blogging for 7 years, and my whole journey is written in my posts. I now represent healthy and happiness. I want to show anyone struggling that it is possible to recover, no matter how hard it may seem.

I now blog about recovery, my life, veganism and positivity!

If you have any questions leave them in the comment section as i am much quicker at answering there, otherwise you can always send an email:


Sunday, February 28, 2016

Recovery takes time

Something which i think most people - who are trying to recover or have recovered - will agree on, is that Recovery takes time.
When i first got admitted to the kids psych ward, i remember them saying 2 months minimum... but they said that in those 2 months, i would have permissions home and start living my life... In 2 months? not really.
  After a month in there though, they started talking about something like 6 months minimum as an inpatient.... i was still on complete bedrest and was then put on NG feeding.
   After 8 weeks of that treatment, which was just having the opposite effect on me. My family and I moved to Sweden where i was admitted to Mando.
   When i started there, i remember hearing that one girl, who was an inpatient at the time had only been there c.a 2 weeks and she was about to become a day patient... so i then thought... 2 weeks. Ill be out of there.
  That wasnt the case for me.... i think in totoal over 1,5 years i spent 7/8 months as an inpatient.... Not exactly 2 weeks?
When you start recovery, you think... fine. Ill eat again. Ill gain weight... ill be out of there in no time...
  but the truth is... when you start recovery you have to give everything, give up everything for minimum a year.... there is no quick way in recovery. There is no cheat, no short cut.... the short cut just leads back to sqaure one. Trust me.
  It can happen that after 2 months, you feel healthy... think you can do it yourself... think you can manage, you might be able to for a while, but you will come crashing down... not necessarily... i will be very surprised and impressed if someone has managed to break off their treatment after a few weeks and mange to become healthy With a healthy weight.
You have to go through the different stages, you have to start off slow... taking things easy. Just getting into the routine of eating. And then in time, start tackling realy life. Getting back into life.
  When you're sick, you think that when you eat a potatoe... youll gain like 2 kg... the fact is... with a c.a 2500 calorie intake everyday... you might gain a half kilo a week. which isnt much.... its gonna take a few months for you to actually get to  a normal weight... and some treatment centres dont actually allow you to start doing anything, or to get back into life again without a normal weight.... 
I am sure most of you can agree that, you expected to be recovered and healthy after a month or so.... it usually takes longer.
  There is also the mental thing... yeah sure, you can have a BMI of 19... gained weight and have a healthy weight...that does not mean that you are healthy. Anorexia, or any eating disorder is in the head. It is a mental illness. That is something which many (who are not sick) forget.
  They think that if you suddenly eat again... or have a half ok weight.. then your healthy... NO.
  And that annoys me... because it is all in the head. If you are feeling mentally unweell, depression, loads of anxiety, panic... still hate eating but eat anyway. Then you're nto healthy, no matter what your weight.
  But working on your mental health is usually something you have to work with alot on your own. To spend time thinking positive. Writing down good things. Aims and goals. Telling yourself you look good.
 Finding ways to stop self harming, to stop thinking abotu suicide... everyone has different methods or ways... (iof anyone wants i can later write down some techniques or ways to help with anxiety or any of that...? )
Recovery takes time, and i am going to be honest and say... you will have to give up a year or more of your life, and focus solely on your recovery ,on your health... everything else can wait.
  And its hard to hear... but this is your life. This is your health... a year, is nothing compared to how long you will live if you recover? And think about it like this.... one year in recovery.. could stop the rest of your life being sick? How many years of your life have you spent sick? dont you want to start living now?

Doctors and staff will usually say it will take somehting like 2-6 months... and it can do that. So dont not believe them. If you are ready to recover and willing to challenge yourself, to go all out... to stand out with the anxiety and really recover... it can go quickly. If you are willing to keep being not just fight to get out of the treatment centre and then start your sick behaviious again?

But dont ever think twice about asking for help or seeking treatment... never.
  Recovery will be one of the best things youve done in your life... the best choice you can make.
Even if it takes time... it is worth it (And no... i wont ever stop saying that quote!!! :) )

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