Life without Anorexia

My motto is
'Dont let the sadness of your past & the fear of your future ruin the happiness of your present'

My life at the moment is completely different to how it once was. I spent 5 years sick with anorexia nervosia and depression as well as struggling with self harm and overexercising. I spent 2 years in different treatment centres.
And since 2012 i have been declared healthy from my eating disorder.

I have been blogging for 7 years, and my whole journey is written in my posts. I now represent healthy and happiness. I want to show anyone struggling that it is possible to recover, no matter how hard it may seem.

I now blog about recovery, my life, veganism and positivity!

If you have any questions leave them in the comment section as i am much quicker at answering there, otherwise you can always send an email: lifewithoutanorexia@hotmail.com

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Monday, February 8, 2016

Inner sadness

This evening i felt an overwhelming amount of sadness. And not the  type of sadness, like i want to sit and cry or want someone to hug me and tell me everything will be ok. Not the type of sadness due to lonliness, stress, someone has hurt you or you have had a bad day. Just some sort of inner sadness.... an unexplainable sadness where everything just feels distant and grey, where you could cry but you know it wouldnt make a difference because the sadness wouldnt go away. A deep form of sadness, not a "my day was horrible" or "my phone broke" sadness. I couldnt even tell you why i felt the way i did.... almost like you are trapped within yourself, with these emotions and you dont know why you feel the way you do and you cant escape from them either.

So instead of sitting on my own with my feelings, i put on a podcast and went for a walk in the dark and rain and on the way back i bought myself some evening treats and when i got back i continued to listen to the podcast while doing some things around the apartment. And now im going to try get around to answering some emails - it has been weeks since i have done this, and i have actually deactivated so i dont get the email notifcations to my phone as it was stressing me too much and i knew i didnt have the time to answer, so instead ill just go in on my computer and answer when i have time. And then this evening i am just going to have a spa evening and then watch a series and go to bed early... also turn off my phone, this evening i dont feel like talking to anyone at all... i get alot of calls from my mum, sister and boyfriend and i know it is because they care and want to talk to me, and i guess the worst thing you can do when you feel sad is to shut people out, but for this evening all i need is to just be on my own and not have to talk to anyone or have to try to explain why i feel sad or why i dont feel like talking.

I know ill feel better tomorrow, and if i dont well then ill feel better on Wednesday or Thursday. I guess i just need to let this inner sadness ffind its way out of me, and writing is a good way for me to atleast try to express how i feel and not have it all trapped inside of me.



3 comments:

  1. Aaah hey Izzy ;)
    This is so amazing, I can relate to this feeling of inner sadness like 100% today and especially also last weekend :) I constantly felt like nothing would be able to make me happy again and I simply developed such a strange fear towards many things like my future :( but for me now the best thing was to not keep it to myself, rather I tried to tell others about my feelings and do things which distracted me a little bit :S I know this can be such harmful thoughts, but I think you definitively did the right thing by focussing on other important things :)
    Love u so much and thanks so much for all of your helpful advices ;)
    xxx Ange

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  2. Hey Izzy! Are you in therapy? You've been talking like this for awhile so I really think it is something you should look into.

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  3. Theres nothing wrong with having some me time now and again. Sometimes you just have to shut the world out to gain that inner peace. Feeling sad is not a nice place to be though so I hope it soon passes for you. We deal with our emotions in our own way so don`t be feeling guilty about the way you are dealing with yours.
    You`re doing great, hang on to that ((()))

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