Life without Anorexia

My motto is
'Dont let the sadness of your past & the fear of your future ruin the happiness of your present'

My life at the moment is completely different to how it once was. I spent 5 years sick with anorexia nervosia and depression as well as struggling with self harm and overexercising. I spent 2 years in different treatment centres.
And since 2012 i have been declared healthy from my eating disorder.

I have been blogging for 7 years, and my whole journey is written in my posts. I now represent healthy and happiness. I want to show anyone struggling that it is possible to recover, no matter how hard it may seem.

I now blog about recovery, my life, veganism and positivity!

If you have any questions leave them in the comment section as i am much quicker at answering there, otherwise you can always send an email: lifewithoutanorexia@hotmail.com

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Thursday, February 11, 2016

If i look "fat" now, how will i look when i have gained even more weight - eating disorder recovery

A common thought and question which I get asked is, if I look big/normal/healthy now how will I look when I gain even more?
This trail of thought isn't uncommon. When you have roughly 3-6kg your body functions more normally, you might already have gained weight and you feel normal and people might also comment that you look better,  that you look healthier. And that is just clarification that you look better,  right. And that is exactly what it is, so don't turn it into something negative where you think that you don't need to gain more weight because people are telling you that you look better.  Instead take it as a compliment and realise that the weight you might have already gained is actually making you look better,people are telling you that and you need to believe them. And it also means that those last few kilo you gain will make you look even better.

If you look at my previous post (HERE) where I show pictures through my recovery. During the beginning of 2012 when I began relapsing I felt huge. I felt fat and hated my body, I  had already gained 15kg and had about 5kg more to gain and I thought I would turn into a ball with those last 5kg. I thought those 5kg would turn me obese or overweight,  but if you see photos from 2012 to now, there is a 10kg difference.  And I am not fat or overweight.

 And 5kg, that doesn't make much difference to your body at all. It just adds energy to your life, adds sparkle and shine to your skin, makes your hair and nails healthier,  it makes you healthier! ! Those last few kilo you need to gain will actually make you think healthier,  can make you feel better in your body and even if you weigh more you might actually feel better in your body, feel thinner. Feel more comfortable in your body, I know this might seem unbelievable but that is what happened to me. It seemed awful to have to gain the last bit of weight, but I knew I had to and suddenly my thoughts were healthier,  and I felt better in my body even though I was eating more and had gained more. Seems strange,but it isn't.  Because when you nourish your body properly and you reach a healthier weight it is easier for the mind to think healthier as well. I have also had many people email me and tell me that they experienced the same thing, even if they might not have believed me when I told them that gaining those last few kilo won't be the end of the world and won't make you overweight.

Also think logically if you medically need to gain weight then there is no way that you are overweight or will be over weight with just a few kilo of weight gain. It can be hard to believe especially when you are stuck in the thoughts of feeling huge, but atleast try to gain the weight and focus on being positive.

It can also be good to remember that the body naturally goes up and down 2-3kg throughout a day due to water, food, hormones etc so the scale.doesnt matter so much.
If you struggle with getting comments I have a post about that,  click HERE.

And some more posts which can be helpful:

10 comments:

  1. That was my experience, too :) Or rather, when I was weight-restored, I didn't feel thinner (as I objectively knew I wasn't), but I DID feel less fat! When I was skin and bones, I felt fat all. The. Time. But now that I'm healthy, I no longer feel fat. Its wonderful. I think I look great (most of the time) because I love myself (most of the time :P). I am comfortable in my own skin. No amount of weight loss ever gave me this feeling. I feel more beautiful now, at a healthy, normal weight, than I EVER did when I was starving. I don't know what I was so afraid of. I thought "normal" was a death sentence, that I would no longer be me, no longer be special. Turns out I had it backwards. I was never so robotic, so empty, so lifeless, so boring, and so pathetic as when I was obsessed and sick. NOW I am beautiful, NOW I am special, NOW I am me. The thought of giving *this* life up gives me the screaming horrors!! Lol. I can't believe I waited so long to figure this out. Have faith everyone! It DOES get better :). I mean, just imagine waking up tomorrow and liking what you see in the mirror, and in life around you. That reality is possible. I had to get healthy to find it. Let go.

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    1. These r v encouraging words. Thank you.

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  2. Although i feared i would, i didnt really feel fatter as i became weight restored. I suppose this is because my mind was recovering, along with the rest of my body. Now I am a healthy weight and like my body more then i ever have before :)

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  3. Although i feared i would, i didnt really feel fatter as i became weight restored. I suppose this is because my mind was recovering, along with the rest of my body. Now I am a healthy weight and like my body more then i ever have before :)

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  4. Wow, this lost came at such the perfect time this morning as I really have been obsessing about hit fat I "feel" and thinking that it's better to be the thinnest and sickest I've ever been vs. getting healthier. And although I have a long way to go according to others, I feel as though looking anything better than my worst ever means that I can stop.

    It is hard to believe that the thoughts get better with more weight as they are just brutal now but it's encouraging to hear...but with the initial gain, it's normal to feel even worse than when sickest? (Not physically but emotionally)?

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  5. I'm not Izzy, but in my experience, yes. I felt worse first. Much worse. You really have to take a leap of faith. Initially, your brain is still very sick. It takes a bit for things to stabilize and regulate. But it does get better. So much better. Unbelievably better. You just have to have faith and trust those who have gone before you. But you gotta go the whole way - I guarantee, if you only go half the distance, you will stay miserable. Go all the way, 'cus life and self-love are waiting for you there. (As a side note, some practical advice? Avoid the scale, tight clothes, even full-length mirrors if it helps. Make yourself as comfortable as possible, because it is a very uncomfortable process. But remember its a process, and the further you go the better it gets).

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  6. With my initial weight gain when I started recovery a few months ago it took a long time to get my head round it - that I was no longer x weight but x weight. I admit my immediate thoughts were to slow weight gain down and restrict again, but I didn't. I just went with what my body was doing and I can honestly say it gets better as time goes on. You notice subtle changes in your body and its great. The biggest thing for me was new growth of my hair as it had been falling out a lot and got very thin. It has now stopped falling out and as a result I was able to go to the hairdresser and have a proper wash cut and blow dry instead of my usual dry cut because I was so embarrassed about my falling hair there was no way I could have had it washed in the salon. Its things like this that keep you going when times get tough - like being able to sit in the bath without it hurting, that was another milestone for me.
    Hang in there and give your mindset time to adjust to your weight gain. remind yourself all the while that gain is good, its healthy and necessary and with each gain you are closer to becoming a healthier person.
    Recovery isn't easy. I get good days and bad when I feel I want to give up and relapse back, and I have a couple of times. But I bounced back stronger and more determined than before to beat this.
    You can do it. stay strong and determined to fight and take each day as it comes. little steps add up!

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  7. Can you do a "what I ate today" today? :) I need some inspiration!!

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  8. I'm not Izzy, but in my experience, yes. I felt worse first. Much worse. You really have to take a leap of faith. Initially, your brain is still very sick. It takes a bit for things to stabilize and regulate. But it does get better. So much better. Unbelievably better. You just have to have faith and trust those who have gone before you. But you gotta go the whole way - I guarantee, if you only go half the distance, you will stay miserable. Go all the way, 'cus life and self-love are waiting for you there. (As a side note, some practical advice? Avoid the scale, tight clothes, even full-length mirrors if it helps. Make yourself as comfortable as possible, because it is a very uncomfortable process. But remember its a process, and the further you go the better it gets).

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    1. My comments are messing up, the above is supposed to be a reply to the above anon (the one right before carol s)

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