This morning i am feeling alot better than yesterday, which i am thankful for!! I guess a good nights sleep does wonders! But most of all, this morning i felt happy.... the inner happiness, compared the inner sadness which ive felt the past while. Now i just felt content in some sort of way.
I woke up without an alarm, sat and did some blogging and spent some time online before getting dressed and getting "ready" for my day of studying. And by ready i mean put on sports pants, a sports bra and a big jumper, make myself some coffee and then ready to learn!!! Even if im not working out i still wear sports clothes... im working hard mentally, so i guess that requires dry fit as well? Hahah.
This morning while doing the dishes i began thinking how much i like living "on my own" (I live with a room mate but she is often in Stockholm and when she is in the apartment we both sort of do our own things anyway, but she is so sweet and easy to live with as well, so sharing an apartment with her isnt so bad.) But i also began thinking about how happy i am that i found this apartment, i can only live here until June which is kind of sad... but the fact is that i dont even know which part of Sweden i will study at for autumn so i guess it doesnt matter so much that i cant live here any longer. I had looked at quite a few other rooms/apartments before this one and they just didnt feel right... i so badly wanted to say yes to one of the rooms, just so that i wouldnt have to travel everyday, but the rooms i had looked at just didnt feel right. I was so close to saying yes to one of them, but the more i thought about it the less i wanted to say, i knew that if i said yes i wouldnt have to travel but i also knew i would feel very very lonely and i knew it wasnt worth it. But then when i went to look at this apartment it just felt right, and there was a girl who had looked at the apartment before me and she has first choice, so then when i found out that i had the option of moving in i was so excited. And i knew i made the right choice.
And here i am today, feeling so happy over the choice to move out and that i found a great apartment.Most people i talked to told me that i wouldnt enjoy living on my own, i would feel lonely and wouldnt be able to cope with all the things of "moving out and living on my own". It was just my step dad who told me that he enjoyed when he moved out the first time, when he had the freedom and was able to do everything on his own.. be independant. And my step dad was the only one who said he believed i would be able to cope and have no problem with all the things that moving out entails... and i believed in myself so it didnt matter so much what others thought.
I cook for myself, i clean, i do the dishes and wash my clothes, take the trash out, recycle, go food shopping etc and its not anything difficult. Ive always been very independant and known what moving out entails.... ive never been someone who has expected my mum to cook, clean, wash for me... ive always done those things for myself as much as possible and i think that has made it easier, as it wasnt that i went from having everything done for me to suddenly having to do everything myself. But also the fact that i am so independant and i move on and move forward as well as from the age of 16 saying i wanted to move out has made it all very easy for me.
But i guess this morning i just felt happy overhow my life is. Over how far i have come and how much my life has changed.... Being an adult isnt always easy, infact yesterday i wished i was a child who could just skip school because i felt sick and could lay under the blankets all day. But today i lik being an adult, i like the freedom and being independant.
I would never have been able to experince life like this if i didnt step outside of my comfort zone and do things that scare me. I would have just been a scared young girl if i didnt dare to do something different and do things that scared me.
Anyway, this day has just been spent studying so absaloutly nothing exciting about today. .. and nothing exciting for the next two days either. But I am going to try work through some of your posts requests/topics, so thank you so much to all of you who left suggestions! !! :)