Hi Izzy - I`m not sure if this is something you can cover in one of your
posts but how do you manage a meal plan when your partner is on a weight
When you were in recovery and at home did you eat the same meals as your
family or did they cook separately for you?
I`m worried how I am going to manage to follow my meal plan and provide a
weight loss one for him without me myself losing weight too.
Any tips or advice would be really appreciated.
While I was in treatment and a day patient or when I had permissions home, then I would have to eat the food which my mum made. And I used a Mando meter (ypu can read about that in one of my pages [up top]) so that would weigh out the food for me. However my mum and sister didn't eat the same amount as me. It was supposed to be that if I was home my mum would eat meals with me but of course she didn't eat the same as me. I mean I was supposed to gain weight and even if she didn't say it, I know she was trying to lose weight, the same as my sister. I found it tough that my mum would eat a clementine while I sat there with a big bowl of yoghurt, muslie, sandwiches and a supplement drink. But eventually I realised that I was eating for MY SAKE, I was eating because I needed to gain weight. But also I had to realise that if I was alone I had to eat as well... j couldn't expect someone to always be there to make sure I eat. I had to eat for myself not because I was being forced to.
I also found it tough that my sister went to the gym and ate a lot less than me. I thought, if she can go to the gym and eat less than me,then so can I. But also... if I can't go to the gym I didn't think she should be allowed to go to the gym. There were lots of arguments about this, but also I complained that my family ate too little when in actuality I was the one who ate too little.
It's about realising that you need to eat for your own sake. For your body. I've had people email me and tell me they have made agreements with their partner or family that if they eat and gain weight their family member or partner (who needs to lose weight) loses weight. However from those who have emailed me, this hasn't worked so well because one or the other hasn't held the agreement or the person with the eating disorder got triggered by the other person eating little.
My best advice would be that you both eat the same food but different amounts. And your partner should maybe avoid talking about their weight loss diet if that is something that triggers you. Try eating your main meals together but maybe you can eat snacks on your own as it's usually snacks where there is a big difference in sizes.
But the most important is to try to focus on yourself and what is best for you. It won't help you by losing weight, that won't be healthy for you. While for others weight loss might be the healthiest for them. For you, weight gain and eating more is the healthiest. You can't control others and there will always be people dieting and wanting to lose weight but weightless shouldn't control your life. There is more to life than weight loss and it won't make you happy either.
Also realise that even if your partner wasn't on a weight loss diet he would still eat less than you as you should be on a weight gain diet and increasing your calories.
You can't control what others eat, you just control what you eat and you need to make sure that you ate eating what is best for you. And also controlling your emotions around what others are eating. A part of an eating disorder can also be controlling what others eat and in recovery it's easy to start controlling other peoples intake as you feel you can't control your own. But that isn't good, there will always be people eating less or more than you. Some people who choose to eat X or Y or eat X diet or Y diet, but the only thing that will work is to focus on what is best for yourself.
There isn't so much more advice to give... you can always try eating different times but I honestly don't think that is a good idea either as it's important to eat with others and also be ok with people eating different amounts than you. Focus on yourself and your recovery. Set up goals for yourself that keep you committed to weight gain and recovery.
If anyone has anymore advice please comment below :)
And p.s sorry for the weird bolded section , I wrote this on my phone so couldn't get rid of the bolder section!!