Life without Anorexia

My motto is
'Dont let the sadness of your past & the fear of your future ruin the happiness of your present'

My life at the moment is completely different to how it once was. I spent 5 years sick with anorexia nervosia and depression as well as struggling with self harm and overexercising. I spent 2 years in different treatment centres.
And since 2012 i have been declared healthy from my eating disorder.

I have been blogging for 7 years, and my whole journey is written in my posts. I now represent healthy and happiness. I want to show anyone struggling that it is possible to recover, no matter how hard it may seem.

I now blog about recovery, my life, veganism and positivity!

If you have any questions leave them in the comment section as i am much quicker at answering there, otherwise you can always send an email:


Tuesday, January 12, 2016

Recovery is not about making you overweight & fat shaming/fatphobic


I am recovered, but I know, a lots of recoveryin/ sick person gets anxiety, because there are some real fat survivors. Who promotes the health and happiness, but if they see a picture about them, they feel it doesnt worth it. Because they see the fat as the recovered. And I know, the most important thing is the inner peace- but we/or they just see a fat, huge person. And thats not attractive for them. Could you write something about it once?

Im not sure if i fully understand your question.... but i'll try my best to respond.

Well recovery isnt just about weight gain, its about mental recovery and finding balance and peace. Finding balance with food and accepting your body, but if you are underweight then weight gain (and fat gain) are necessary. For your body to be healthy and functioning properly you need to be a healthy weight and if you are still a low weight but feel mentally stable there is a much higher risk for relapse, but also most often those who are still underweight but claim to be recovered arent recovered but just trying to keep their weight low and never fully letting go of their eating disorder. Of course that might not be the case for everyone, as there are people who are naturally slim..... but i was one of those before my eating disorder, i was just naturally underweight and never actually had a healthy weight until after my eating disorder. And now i have a healthy weight and BMI but am still slim... and for your body to feel safe and function properly after an eating disorder you do need to have a healthy weight and a healthy fat percent.

And that is what doctors and dieticians will help you with. A doctor and dietician will NOT make you overweight, that is morally wrong and will just other problems. Because being overweight can bring its own health complications, however being overweight doesnt mean you are unhealthy, though it can mean that. Just like being underweight doesnt automatically mean you are unhealthy but the chances are higher. But back to the topic, doctors want to help you get to a healthier weight and fat percent and that is the goal. And unless you develop binge eating disorder or keep gaining weight due thyroid or hormonal issues or medication then you should maintain and stablize your weight at a healthy weight and not keep gaining weight.

Your body needs a healthy fat percent to function properly. Fat is protection for your body and as a female it is even more important especially if you want your menstrual cycle to function properly. Having fat on your body is healthy and stomach rolls are normal.... but also how much fat someone has on their body is individual, just like where a person stores their fat, that is individual and based on genes. Being scared of fat isnt healthy, but also being fatphobic or fat shaming is wrong as well. I mean you wouldnt want someone to skinny shame you or to say mean things about you just because you are skinny, so its not right to do that to someone who is overweight. Because there are people who are overweight who are actually alot healthier than someone who is thinner... size doesnt always determine health. 

Its ok to have preferances though, i mean i personally prefer a more muscular and athletic look, hence why i much prefer how i look now and wouldnt want to go back to my skinny old days. But not everyone thinks like that, some prefer being more curvy or bigger and others prefer a more skinny look and that is ok as well, as long as it doesnt put your health in danger. Just like people are attracted to different looks, and thats ok as well..... (Of course personality is the deciding factor, but people do have their personal preferance of body type of look when it comes to partner searching). That is why it is important to understand that even if you might not like how a personal looks, they might like how they look...  I mean ive been told i would look better with more weight or a higher fat %, ive been told i looked better when i weighed 10kg and even 20kg less, ive been told i dont look good with muscle etc, but in the end i like the way i look now and that is what matters... and i know my health isnt at danger either. If my health were in danger, well then it would be another thing and i would have to gain weight or fat% or if i were to gain lots of weight and need to lose weight for medical/health reasons.

I think i wandered off topic there... but recovery and weight gain wont make you unhealthy or "fat" (fat is NOT a bad word. Fat is essential on the body and isnt a bad word. Just like skinny isnt a bad word either.). If you need to gain weight it will make you healthier and that is what recovery is about, making you physically and mentally healthier. Finding balance and peace. Not letting food or weight or body image control you. Recovery is about letting go of body obsessions and controlling your body image, but accepting your body instead,

Everyone has a different healthy set point, some have a healthy BMI of 24, others 21, others 19, others 23,5 etc etc everyone looks different as well. People can have the same height and weight but look completely different and if you get 20 people with the same BMI they will look different and once again, you cant determine health based on just appearance (most often... though when it comes to extremes you can often tell, such as obese or very underweight).

I feel like i am wandering off topic, as i dont really know how to answer this question.... but i also want to add that when i was sick i was what you would call fat phobic. Fat scared me. And people who were overweight or fat, i didnt like being around them (it is awful to right now). But it disgusted me, i couldnt understand how they could be so big (this is from the mind of someone who was very sick, and not my mindset at all now).  I was scared of becoming overweight, scared that the weight gain would never stop. I constantly felt like a whale or an elephant and i thought why were people telling me i needed to gain 20kg when i was already so fat... i felt like i had fat overflowing (once again, the mindset of someone who was very sick. I had barely any body fat, but yet i thought it was overflowing on me. I.e body dysmorphia). But as i began to recover i realised that fat wasnt a bad thing and people who were bigger werent bad people and they didnt disgust me, they were people just like everyone else. I am now the least judgemental person you will meet, but back when i was sick i was very judgemental and very fatphobic, and that actually makes me sad how i could think such mean things about people....and people i didnt even know. But those thoughts are ones you have to overcome. You have to realise that 1) If you ever do become overweight and it is not healthy, you can lose weight. 2) Having a higher BMI or weight is not a bad thing and 3) people who are overweight arent bad people and there is no right to think mean things about them and 4) some people like being bigger and its important to respect that.

I dont know where i am going with this...... but you wont become overweight from recovery, or atleast you shouldnt if there arent reasons to it such as binge eating, medication, other illnesses. Fat is not bad, fat is necessary. 

roughly 24kg difference in the photos...  No it didnt make me overweight.


  1. Hi Izzy - just a quick question about the two photos - did you regain the shape to your arms through the exercise you do or did it happen purely because you gained weight and became healthy again? I ask because my arms and legs are terrible at the moment, the weight I have managed to gain so far has not gone there unfortunately - but I still have quite a lot to gain so maybe It will in time? I m so self conscious of my arms and legs and just wondered if they will fill out naturally or if heres exercises I can do if thats not the case?

    1. I sort of answered this in my weight gain/distribution post, but my arms changed from exercise, otherwise they would still be very slim and unproportionate to the rest of my body. Your arms and legs should fill out but strength training can help... but that is something you can do later on, and right now you just need to focus on eating enough and resting and your body will change over time.