Life without Anorexia

My motto is
'Dont let the sadness of your past & the fear of your future ruin the happiness of your present'

My life at the moment is completely different to how it once was. I spent 5 years sick with anorexia nervosia and depression as well as struggling with self harm and overexercising. I spent 2 years in different treatment centres.
And since 2012 i have been declared healthy from my eating disorder.

I have been blogging for 7 years, and my whole journey is written in my posts. I now represent healthy and happiness. I want to show anyone struggling that it is possible to recover, no matter how hard it may seem.

I now blog about recovery, my life, veganism and positivity!

If you have any questions leave them in the comment section as i am much quicker at answering there, otherwise you can always send an email: lifewithoutanorexia@hotmail.com

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Wednesday, January 27, 2016

Random thoughts in my head at the moment

There are so many things I wish I could write on here. So many things I wish I could share, but because of who may read my blog I can't. .... so instead I keep those thoughts to myself. Try to find ways to solve those problems or to not let them bother me.... but there are other things on my mind which I atleast can share on here :)

First off, thank you to everyone who writes to me and says I am an inspiration or says that they find my blog helpful. It means so much to me, but even to those who just write and say that they are here for me. It means so much to me. I am awful at replying, so I apologize for that but know that I read your messages and they mean alot to me :) I know my blogging and emailing hasn't been so great and I feel far from an inspiration,  but I know there are posts in the past which might be helpful!

At the moment I am missing my free time. ... I miss going for walks. I miss having time for long gym sessions. I miss going to the food store and just wandering around, taking my time. I miss not feeling pressed or on a time schedule. I miss not having anything to do (well I always have things to do... but now it's a pressure and a must, more than a choice... though I guess it's still a choice).

I  not ready for school tomorrow... I want a day off.  But that will have to wait until Sunday.  I am moving on Saturday and Sunday I have promised myself - a long gym session at my new gym, walking around the town and figuring out where things are, then some study and then an evening with series. And on Tuesday next week I begin a little later I think, so then a long morning walk hopefully!  I miss nature and long walks so much.... :(

I am excited and nervous to move. So many thoughts I can't even write them all out. ....

Also,  thoughts about autumn. My mum tells me I stress too much, and about things in the future and should instead focus on the now. But one of the worst things is the unknown. ... the waiting. I just want to know now... hahah. But it feels strange but I am already looking forward to applying to a new university in Gothenburg and hopefully get in there..... or I'll continue studying at my current university but then I won't be done studying until 2020 (just to get a legitimate ) and that means that I get accepted spring 2017.... and this uncertainty is stressing me.... so need to figure that out. There is no point worrying or stressing about something that is 6 -12 months away... I have my course to focus on now. I love learning new things, but I've always been someone who just wants to skip all of the school thing and get into doing what I want.... why must it take so long? Though I need to remind myself I'm still young... I mean people are 30/40 and begin studying again as they want a career change.
Everything happens for a reason. And what is meant to happen will happen. That is what I need to remind myself... things don't always go as planned. That's ok!!!

I feel I need this reminder atleast daily at the moment,  hahaha.

Anyway, at the moment it's almost 11pm and it seems to be a restless household tonight. No one seems to be able to sleep and I am super awake... I've tossed and turned for the past hour. To warm and the bed is uncomfortable,  not to mention that my stomach is hurting so that feels uncomfortable. .... 

Also random thought... now whenever I eat I think about what happens in my body. How the food breaks down, what enzymes are used to break down the macronutrient.  What happens, when and why... the different words for all the different happenings. It's so interesting actually, before I just ate.... but now I'm like, my body is breaking down the carbohydrates and in my stomach the food is mixing with the different chemicals, acid, saliva etc etc  haha, feeling nerdy in this subject at the moment.  Just need to get more nerdy wuth chemistry and begin thinking in atoms and molecules and all that again. .... begin seeing items as atoms and molecules and how water changes at different temperatur and such and apply that to food and the body! !

Too much writing, it definitely won't make sleeping any easier. But I thought why not, I can't sleep anyway. All I'm hoping now is that I wake up when the alarm rings... otherwise I will miss important lectures :( :(

8 comments:

  1. Hi Izzy,

    Just a comment to say how much I love and appreciate your blog! You've inspired me to try to write my own through the anorexia recovery process and so far it's been a great help to me.
    I identify so much with the need for a reminder that things don't always go right. 'Catastrophizing' seems to be a major part of anxiety disorders, just gotta try to remember that things will go wrong whether we worry about them or not. Easier said than done of course :-)
    Hope school goes well for you tomorrow, it'll all be worth it!

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    1. Naaw I'm glad I've helped. And blogging is great, can make you come to realisations about some things and a good way ti get things off your chest/out of your mind!

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  2. Izzy do you have Instagram?

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    1. Not a personal one... but I have a food related one ;)

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  3. Hi! It would be nice and helpful to read your food diaries with (or without) pictures again. They are so inspirational and motivational. Could you please write something about your daily meals?

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    1. Yeah I can try do that :) though at the moment my eating is all weird due to uni times and lots of stomach pain.... so don't feel like writing out how I'm eating :/ but if I have a normal /good day I'll share :)

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  4. I so agree that everything does happen for a reason, (good and what may seem not so good). Thanks for being an inspiration :) X

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  5. Hope you`re having a good day and feeling better. Life has a funny way of working itself out so even at the present when you can`t see the bigger picture know that it is there and everything you do now will lead to it. Things will settle down for you soon and you will feel less pressured - its only been a week and so far I think you`re doing great! Just think of all the upheaval you`ve had to go through, and you`ve coped admirably so don`t be too hard on yourself. Like you wrote yourself in previous posts, you`ve had change before and settled, so you can do so again. Keep believing in yourself. Soon you will have a routine where uni is concerned and you`ll find you can fit things in like walks and going to the gym - its just right now where things are still somewhat disordered, it won`t always be like that.
    Just take each day as it comes and try not to stress too much for the future and what you cannot control at this time. Things will work out, you`ll see.

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