Life without Anorexia

My motto is
'Dont let the sadness of your past & the fear of your future ruin the happiness of your present'

I am a generally happy girl who loves running, going to the gym and eating food!! Though my life has been very different.
I spent 5 years sick with anorexia nervosia & purging tendencies & over exercising. I was depressed and self harmed. I spent 2 years in different treatment centres.
After alot of struggles, lots of ups and downs, suicide attempts, tears, anxiety, panic and never thinking i would be healthy.
I am now declared healthy from anorexia nervosia.

I have been blogging for 4 years, and my whole journey is written in my posts. I now represent healthy and happiness. I want to show anyone struggling that it is possible to recover, no matter how hard it may seem.

I am happy and healthy and living my life. Going to school, meeting friends and trying to find myself in this world.

I write about my daily life, but also try to write posts about how it was when i was sick, advice and tips.
I am open and friendly, so dont be scared about writing a post or sending me an email at:


Tuesday, January 26, 2016

New day and some inside thoughts

Good morning! 

It feels like i have spent 10 minutes just staring at the screen, typing a sentence only to delete it again. Not so sure what i have to write.... yesterday i was filled with words and things i wanted to write about, this morning those thoughts and ideas are gone and instead left with nothing. Like a writers block!

It is back to school today and i have two things "different" things today. My first lecture will be about food planning, registering food and meal plans and counting out the energy of meals and food, and i think we will also get a food scale to weigh our food for 3 days. It might be this lecture or later, not so sure! Then after my lectures are done i have a "masterchef" challenge which is done as a "newbie" thing for our group/class. So we will get ingredients and then in our groups decide on what food to make, then prepare and cook it, dish it up for the judges and then which ever group makes the best dish wins! So that will be fun i hope, hahah!!! Hopefully the ingredients we get will allow us to make something nice and not just something simple like pasta and chicken.... XD

Otherwise, i am now thinking about packing... what do i bring? Tomorrow i am hopefully writing on the contract for a room i can rent for 6 months (will be living with another girl who is also studying). It feels good to have finally found somewhere to live and hopefully next week i will have gotten my stuff into the room and somewhat settled in! I am excited, but my family around me arent...... i guess i should have expected that, but for me its new and an adventure, and of course i am nervous and worried.... i mean i am still living away from home and studying in a town which, before i began studying there had only been there 3 times or so. So it will take some time to get settled in, but it will be nice that i can have my own bed there anyway :) Though as mentioned above, my mum began talking about how she will find it so strange when i am gone, and how sad she is about it... of course she is happy for my sake that i wont have to travel each day, but at the same time she would prefer if i lived at home so she can see me each day. And she also began talking about how many times in her life i have had to be away from home... all the weeks spent with IV treatment in hospital in Ireland, and then with the eating disorder and psychiatric care and tube feeding... and then we moved to sweden and i would spend 6-16 weeks (i.e 1-4 months) as an inpatient and away from home. And all she really wanted was to have me close to her.... it felt so strange hearing that, as i have always just presumed that they have wanted me to move out as soon as possible - maybe because that is what I have always wanted. Since i was 16 i have talked about moving away from home as soon as i could, so i guess i just presumed that my family wanted me to leave as well... not the case. Or not my mum's case anyway!

I always find it strange to hear things like that... to hear that people care about me?  I guess i just have a shell around myself and tell myself that people dont like me... not even my family, not my boyfriend, not my friends. That i am just there and people accept me, but would prefer if i wasnt there... or well, wouldnt notice if i wasnt there. So then suddenly when someone tells me that they care i find it strange, which is even more strange as that is not how it should be.... but oh well. I guess i am learning that people actually care about me and one day maybe it will be something i believe.

Anyway, this post has gotten far too long and you have gotten some new info about me, haha. I dont think i have shared that before ?

For now, it is time to drink up my coffee and go!!! :)


  1. Hope the room works out for you - what an adventure awaits you! I remember when I first moved from home, the feeling of freedom and independence was awesome - but that was quickly replaced by the fact that I was responsible for everything now - food wouldn't just appear in the cupboard, clean clothes wouldn't just appear on my bed - and money was for other things now rather than clothes and going out. It made me grow up very quickly. On the other hand though, responsibility isn't such a bad thing and its all part of growing and developing into an adult. I`m sure you`ll be fine - and it will solve the problems you have with travelling everyday. And your mum is still there for you however much you grow up or however far away you are. Its so nice that she shared her feelings with you and I understand that you find it hard to believe, self acceptance is the hardest thing of all I think. Go onwards to your new life knowing you will be loved and missed, just try to believe in what your mum told you. She`s letting go of her baby - no matter how grown up you are you`ll always be her little girl - and know that she`ll always be there for you.
    The cooking session sounds fun - hope you get to make something nice. Do you get to eat it too?

  2. It's sad to think that you suffer in that shell, when you are so loved, but ... (I think) I know what you mean about the feelings .... Once one realises that it is a shell and a lie, it becomes easier to fight the shell and accept being loved, doesn't it? A bit like once one realises that starving was a shell, and a lie, keeping one from taking part in the fulness of life that is offered to us?
    I hope you know you readers love you too -- not just because you give good advice and are helpful to us, though you do and you are, nor even just because you are strong and kind and intelligent and good, though you are all those things too -- but for you yourself, because you are You.