how do you cope with eating alone? I hate it- I hate it so much - i feel nobody is watching
so why should I eat because nobody will believe i have!
The first thing you need to know is that you need to eat for YOU. Its YOUR body that needs the energy and one of the things i learned in recovery is actions speak louder than words. So even if they dont believe you eat, you still need to eat anyway because its YOUR body that needs the energy.
When you are in recovery many people can feel this way, or they feel the polar opposite. Some people feel that they can only eat if they eat on their own, they dont want eyes on them or people to see them eat. So they only eat on their own, not always following their meal plan which isnt a good thing. Eating is a social thing so you should be able to eat with others and be ok with eating out or eating in a group. But then not being able to eat on your own isnt healthy either. Food is energy, your body NEEDS energy. Food isn't something bad or something you should feel guilty for eating, it is a necessity just like breath. You should be able to eat on your own and know that if you are hungry you can go to the fridge and go get something to eat or you can go to the shop and buy the thing you are craving. If you are hungry you need to eat whether that means going to the shop when you are in town and buying yourself a fruit or sitting on the train and eating a sandwich or eating a granola bar in school as a snack. You also shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking more when you are eating food with others.
I would suggest that once a day or several times a week you try to eat a snack on your own, i would begin with a simple snack like a mid morning snack and you sit with a book or a film or tv series or something which can distract you and keep you preoccupied while you eat. Some doctors or therapists will tell you to not use distractions when you eat because you need to be able to eat on your own in silence and just eat - but that is something you can tackle later. Instead eat and do something like watch a film or read and later try to eat on your own and just eat - no distractions.
Also learning to trust your body will help you to be able to eat on your own because if you can trust your body to eat when you are hungry then it is just natural to make yourself a meal or snack when your tummy starts rumbling.
You need to normalize eating in your mind. Take away the guilt factor, not feel ashamed to eat. This goes both ways for those who feel they can't eat on their own and those who feel they can't eat in a group because they feel embarrassed for eating and either can't eat on their own because it's something to feel guilty over. Or they can't eat in a group because it's too embarrassing to admit that you actually eat.
But the thing is..... we all need food. Everyone eats something while on their own. What you see someone eat while in a group may be very different from what they eat on their own. Your body needs energy and can't survive on just one or two meals a day, it needs continual energy just like a car. You need to keep giving it 'energy' to keep going.
Also think like this are you always going to need to have someone watch you eat or otherwise you wont eat? Because if you dont face your eating disorder then that is exactly what wil happen - you will always need to be watched by someone or you wont eat and then you will be undernourished and might not have the energy to live life or even live a normal life because food is something which gives you anxiety and guilt and you might not be able to go out and eat or travel or do anything that involves eating because it is still something that gives you anxiety.
It is children who can't take care of themselves who need supervisors to help them eat. And i am sure you aren't a child. Now i know that may come off as rude. But it is an example, showing you that the behaviour you have is not normal or healthy and that it does need to be changed. You can't live a life where you only ever eat if you are with someone else and even then it still gives anxiety. Instead you need to face the fear and guilt and DO the exact thing that gives you anxiety.
Over time eating on your own won't be hard, it will become normal. But you need to try it. The first time you may fail, the second time you might just manage half, the third time you might fail again. But the fourth time you might suceed and then you succeed again the fifth time. So keep going and face your anxiety and your fears, otherwise you will be stuck in the same situation, thoughts and mindset you are in now.