Life without Anorexia

My motto is
'Dont let the sadness of your past & the fear of your future ruin the happiness of your present'

I am a generally happy girl who loves running, going to the gym and eating food!! Though my life has been very different.
I spent 5 years sick with anorexia nervosia & purging tendencies & over exercising. I was depressed and self harmed. I spent 2 years in different treatment centres.
After alot of struggles, lots of ups and downs, suicide attempts, tears, anxiety, panic and never thinking i would be healthy.
I am now declared healthy from anorexia nervosia.

I have been blogging for 4 years, and my whole journey is written in my posts. I now represent healthy and happiness. I want to show anyone struggling that it is possible to recover, no matter how hard it may seem.

I am happy and healthy and living my life. Going to school, meeting friends and trying to find myself in this world.

I write about my daily life, but also try to write posts about how it was when i was sick, advice and tips.
I am open and friendly, so dont be scared about writing a post or sending me an email at:


Monday, January 18, 2016

First day of university

Writing this post during a 15 minute break and i still have some form of mental energy.  But I am definitely feeling tired and the concentration and focus wanders after 15 minutes. Infact after roughly 20 minutes of my first introduction I looked at the clock and thought,how will I manage 2 hours when I just want to fall asleep now?

It will take time to get used to being back at school but sooner or later I'll get used to it :)
So. ... I started my morning with a walk with Daisy, trying to feel less nervous and anxious and also by ordination from my mum, no gym this week.... or well it wasn't ordination,  it was advice. But she is right, I need to figure out my sleep routine and school routine, so the days I'm in school no gym this week anyway.  I think it will be good for me, new changes and a lot to take in so I'll be tired and going to rest extra!!

So... taking myself to the university. It took a long time, I was cold,I was anxious,  I was nervous.  But once I figured things out it went well and it didn't feel so hard and I got to the school with 30 minutes to spare!

There are 57 people taking the course and have yet to speak to anyone. ... but I'm sure I'll make friends, but being an introvert and not being the first one to speak means that it's harder to make friends. But sooner or later!!

One thing I want to mention though is that next week, as part of my course I am going to get a food scale and have to weigh all my food for 3 days (and then write a report about it) and I felt how my heartbeat began racing, I felt sweaty, warm and anxious. .... do I have to? of course after roughly 60 seconds I realised it would be fine and interesting to do.  the hardest thing will be to actually weigh my food, I'm so anti all of that... anti calorie counting, macro counting and weighing food..... for myself anyway. But now I have to.... hahah.  It will be interesting to do - and to see if i manage to actually weigh all my food! Also, as we went through the course and what we will study i felt so excited and happy to be studying all these interesting things. Of course it will be tough and lots of hard work and studying but at the same time it is something so interesting and something i love and want to know more about. And i just wish i got into the dietist programme as then it would be sure that i would study the whole 3 years, but now i need to apply for the courses seperatly and hope i get in each term.... so its more unsafe and not sure that i will get to study each course but it will work out someway!!

For the next week, there will also be alot of group activities to get to know the members in my course. And i dont know whether i am looking forward to them or not... i mean i am, so i get to know people but at the same time it will make my days even longer..... so if i finish at 5pm, then its 2-3 hours extra and i wont be home until 9 or 10pm and then i start at 8 or 10am the next day. But also there will be activities during the weekend, and i really dont know if i feel like travelling in almost everyday during the week... but atleast i am free on Friday this week i think, so a 3 day weekend anyway!!

Anyhow, i could write so much but i cant quite fit it all in, so instead i will leave it at this!! 

I finished an hour earlier than planned so now I have 90 minutes to sit and wait as i am going to look at a room this evening which I hopefully like and get to hire!! 

So a long long tiring day today, and i am not at all excited about tomorrows even longer day....

^¨What i would rather be doing now


  1. I hope your course goes well for you ) Xx

  2. I'm also starting university soon. We have an orientation week next week and I have to take 2 separate buses (which are always late and crowded in my country) so about an hour commute. I'll be studying at this university (in my home city) for a few months until I go to study in the US or UK- haven't decided which one. Basically, what I'm trying to say is that I can relate. I can relate to the early mornings, tiredness, being an introvert and not too sure about where the future is going, but part of me loves the uncertainty too. Anyway, here's hoping it all works out for the both of us <3

    1. Good luck at University!! :) I hope it goes well for you, and i guess we can study during our long travel times!! And hopefully it goes well when you choose to study abroad as well.... may i ask what are you studying? :)

    2. Thank you! Yeah of course- I'm going to be majoring in business or economics- it depends on the university but I'm headed more in that direction :)

  3. Clearly not recovered :)

    1. If the thought of weighing food gives you this much anxiety, you have issues to resolve, still

    2. It didnt give me anxiety as in "oh no, now i will know how much food i eat"... i already know i eat around 3000-3500kcal a day and macros, welll i dont know about those but ill find out soon XD It was more, now i actually have to try to weigh my food. Because for my own research purposes i have tried weighing my food but after half a day i give up because it is too time consuming and i think "there is absaloutly no point i am doing this"... so more anxiety in the case of, "if i dont weigh my food i am going to do the assignment wrong and give the wrong data which will then mess up both my own assignment and the group assignment". I am a perfectionist and when i am told to do something i want to do it 110% right, but i also know myself and know that when it comes to things like writing food diaries, weighing my food or counting out MY OWN calories, i get bored and think it is pointless after about 3 hours. But for others i can do it...

      Dont presume to know why i get anxiety, and to judge me as recovered or not recovered. You can have your own opinion but it doesnt matter so much to me. But remember that i cant get all my thoughts across through my blog and some things are just breifly mentioned but not everything about it are explained.

    3. I am _not_ the anonymous above, but I just read your reply and I respect you so much. You are such an example. In the way you do things, in the way you handle things, in the way you respond to difficult things. I really hope there aren't too many bumps in the university road for you; enjoy it -- you have all the gifts.