Life without Anorexia

My motto is
'Dont let the sadness of your past & the fear of your future ruin the happiness of your present'

My life at the moment is completely different to how it once was. I spent 5 years sick with anorexia nervosia and depression as well as struggling with self harm and overexercising. I spent 2 years in different treatment centres.
And since 2012 i have been declared healthy from my eating disorder.

I have been blogging for 7 years, and my whole journey is written in my posts. I now represent healthy and happiness. I want to show anyone struggling that it is possible to recover, no matter how hard it may seem.

I now blog about recovery, my life, veganism and positivity!

If you have any questions leave them in the comment section as i am much quicker at answering there, otherwise you can always send an email: lifewithoutanorexia@hotmail.com

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Monday, January 25, 2016

Being suicidal

Being suicidal doesn't just mean that you are planning go jump from a bridge or overdose. Being suicidal doesn't mean that you just lie in bed and check out of life, and continuously plan your death until you do it.

Being suicidal can mean that you stand a little too close to the edge of the platform. Staring at the tracks and hearing the train come closer and wishing that you would just fall or have the courage to jump.

It can mean crossing the road and not caring if you get hit by a car. Infact secretly hoping that a truck hits you and you die instantly so that your death can seem accidental and not planned.

It can mean driving a little too fast on an empty road. You don't want to cause harm to others,  but you test faith by driving too fast and just maybe losing control.

It can mean wishing you had a heart attack or an illness which killed you painfully and quickly so that others wouldn't think you killed yourself.

It can mean mixing alchol and medication (or other substances together) which can cause harm or death, just so that your death will seem accidental.

Being suicidal doesn't mean that you stand with a gun to your head and scream "I don't want to live." Being suicidal can mean that you have no motivation or desire to live but you know for the sake of others you shouldn't kill yourself, so instead you wish to disappear. Or you wish for an accident, anything that would make you die but you wouldn't have to inflict it on yourself.

Being suicidal can mean that you are just surviving and waiting for your life to end.

10 comments:

  1. Hi Izzy - this post is so true, but I hope it's not reflecting your state of mind.. If it is, please know that you are brilliant and help so many people and we all wish you the best of health.
    Know that these feelings will pass and the sun will come out again.
    Please reach out for some help if you need it.
    Take care xx

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  2. I felt the same as the anon above when I read this.
    Sending love...

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  3. I have the same feelings... :(( <3

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    1. It will pass, you are stronger than this. I promise you <3 Dont do anything stupid, and do talk to someone if you can... or you can email me if you need to talk. You are not alone in your struggles and it is tough when you are just surviving, but there is no motivation. But you need to find your happinesss and positivity! You need to find your reason to live... it will get easier and will get better. Jjust dont give up, each day try to find some positives, each day do something that will make life easier and make the darkness lift. Ask for help and dont be scared to talk to people, it will help you <3

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  4. A very important post, thank you <3 I hope too that these aren´t your current feelings but just from past experiences.
    I send you LOVE! and STRENGTH!

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  5. Izzy, I hope that if you are feeling this way you do get help. Also, if you are feeling this way, feel free to express those feelings on your blog. This is YOUR space. You can share anything you like about your life, and the more truthful you are, the more REAL you seem. We all have things in our life that we don't want to share, but sometimes it helps. We are all here for you. The title of your blog is Life Without Anorexia, but that does not have to mean Life without Worries or Depression or Struggle or Challenges. If it were that simple, man you would be some miracle woman. I look up to you. We all look up to you. Regardless of your past, or your current struggles, you are an inspiration and I hope you are not afraid to express your true self at this moment in time. Isn't that what blogs (ie. online diaries) are for? Honor your struggle Izzy, and don't be afraid of what people will think. Love always.

    Ryley

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