Life without Anorexia

My motto is
'Dont let the sadness of your past & the fear of your future ruin the happiness of your present'

My life at the moment is completely different to how it once was. I spent 5 years sick with anorexia nervosia and depression as well as struggling with self harm and overexercising. I spent 2 years in different treatment centres.
And since 2012 i have been declared healthy from my eating disorder.

I have been blogging for 7 years, and my whole journey is written in my posts. I now represent healthy and happiness. I want to show anyone struggling that it is possible to recover, no matter how hard it may seem.

I now blog about recovery, my life, veganism and positivity!

If you have any questions leave them in the comment section as i am much quicker at answering there, otherwise you can always send an email:


Saturday, December 31, 2016

Recovery progress of the year

So..... Its Saturday and the last day of the year, what better than to look back over 2016 and look at all the progress made?! So instead of a recovery progress of the week, its a recovery progress of the Year!

Think back over the year and look at all the progress you have made, whether its recovery progress, life progress, social progress or anything else...  look at the obstacles you have overcome, the times you didnt think you could keep going, the ways you have grown and progressed and the changes you may have made.

Maybe you have backtracked, but then its a good time to look at those steps backwards and ask yourself what you can do differently this new year so that you can make progress? What changes do you have to make so that you can reach your goals?

You dont have to comment if you dont want to, but maybe just take some time to look over your year and see what you have overcome, what you have been through and what you can do differently next year... or maybe you should just keep going because you are already on the right path? But if you want to, share below all your progress from this year?

I have personally progressed in so many ways, become stronger mentally, dared to be myself, stepped out of my comfort zone so many times and in so many different ways. Have learnt to say no more often, but also learnt to say yes to new experiences and adventures. I have grown as a persona in so many ways, i have fought my way out of depression, i have begun to love life again, i have made new friends and started a new life. Changed behaviours and mindset and tried to self analyze so that i can keep improving and keep being the best version of myself!! Each year is a new year for change and growth and experience!!!

I wonder what will happen in 2017, what i will get to experience or what opportunities will arise but i am looking forward to it!!!

Me exactly 1 year ago, hahah!! I look so young XD XD

Moments from 2016

This year has been a year of progress, change and experiences. Plenty of ups and downs!! I don't feel like writing about my whole year or doing a recap of each month like I used to do, instead I'm just going to look back at my camera albums and post a few (or alot) of photos from this year.  Lots of good memories, because even if it feels like there has been more downs than ups this year, I have actually had alot of positives and those are what I want to remember!!!

2016 was the year that i first moved away from home, and have moved apartment/living 5 times this year. It was the year i first started university, and have gone to two different universities. It was the year i went vegan, and also the year i recovered from my depression. It was the year i got a serious/real job which i loved and also the year i ended my first real serious relationship. It was the year i grew as a person in many different ways, the year i became more confident, the year i became more social in different ways. It was the year i dared to be myself and to accept myself for who i am and not be ashamed of who i am or amnt. The year i dared to put myself first and to say no to certain things in life, but also to learn to say yes to certain things in life.

2016 has been a year of growth and there have been ups and downs.... downs such as depression, ending up with an inflamed pancreas, isolating myself and feeling suicidal, missing out on fun opportunities and/or experiences, being threatened to go back to hospital because my CF health care was declining (due to depression), serious hip and lower back pain which is both genetic and due to my years of over exercising and can get inflammed and stop me from doing basic things like sitting, cleaning, putting clothes on. But of course there have been so many positives and those will be shown in the photos below... they arent in order because all my photos are sort of jumbled on my hard drive so they are just posted in order as i find them!

Got my fourth... and fifth tattoo!

^^Was a hair model - and that silver grey colour is the colour i actually want but it means going to a proffessional frequently, and im not so great at doing that!

 ^^ Was part of a cook book and made a 3 course vegan meal

^^Celebrated midsummer with my family out on an island

 ^^Just take a moment to appreciate that oreo with almond butter and a vegan hot chocolate with marshmallows (without gelatine!)

^^^I ran the midnight race with my step dad and was my 3rd time in a row, i think :)

^^ My first time trying Dunkin donuts... they were a let down and have not wanted to go back for more!!

I went to the ice bar with my friends - i wouldnt recommend haha. Over priced and nothing special TBH

I made an easter cake which tasted amazing - though it was not vegan
How it looked when studying... and alot of that was done this year

Tried my first fast food burger since 2008 or earlier...

 After dinner with my mum we ate ice cream and i had some vegan chocolate ice cream!
Attempting to make sushi and it went rather well!
How my weekly shopping could look!!

The day i moved to Gothenburg!!!

A chocolate and gingerbread cake for my birthday!

A saffron and gingerbread cake for christmas!

My first time trying Lenny and Larry cookies and i loved them and spent a little too much money buying them, hahah.

Hotel stays and breakfast buffets with my mum in Gothenburg

Night out with my friends, and have had plenty of great times with my friends from Uni.

Meeting online friends and eating delicious lunch is a definitely a positive moment from this year

Work, which i actually loved, and cant wait to work again next summer hopefully!
For mothers day  i made 2 vegan cakes!

Summer evenings - out on the island!

Showing my mum Gothenburg

I made my first pumpkin pie!

So many positive and great moments... and can we just take a moment to appreciate how many cakes i have made this year? hahahahah

Friday, December 30, 2016

Is it normal to have bad body image days? And how to cope.

Would I say that bad body image days are normal.... no I wouldn't, because they happen very infrequently for me anyway.  But I would also say that having bad body image days now and again is normal.... as long as it's not an everyday feeling then I don't think it's strange if Somedays you feel a little off with your body or just a little low which leads to negative feelings about your body. Of course wouldn't it be amazing if you never had bad body image days, maybe there are people who never have them. But I think for the majority of people sometimes they have a day where they just don't feel 100% in their body. However what I have come to realise is that negative body image feelings aren't actually about or due to my body but the feelings stem from stress, anxiety, tiredness or if I have eaten alot of food which sort of puts my body put of balance.  This is the same with "fat feelings ", I don't actually get these feelings anymore but it's important to remember that fat isn't a feeling.... it's due to some other emotion such as anxiety, stress, tiredness, fear... and it's good if you learn what the actual trigger to the fat feelings are.

So.... the days where I have bad body image days I try to make positive and not let those feelings ruin my day.

First off drink lots of water -not to fill you up but because water can have a refreshing and clearing feeling!!

Wear comfortable clothes and either 1) spend more time on your hair and make up so you feel more fresh... or 2) avoid those things because you want to avoid the mirror.  Whatever works best for you.  Sometimes option 1 works best and sometimes option 2 works best!

Make sure to eat regular meals throughout the day. Skipping meals won't make you feel better and that would just give in to negative thoughts and behaviours.

Journal, write or express your feelings.  It can be good to figure out what your actual emotions are  so that next time you will know how to cope better.

Do fun things, think of other things and avoid mirrors. The thoughts and feelings are just in your head  (obviously!), so if you do other things, get out of the house and not let your feelings ruin the day you will be stronger but also hopefully the feelings will pass!

Know that the feelings will pass and that fat isnt a feeling either!!!

It can also be good to make sure that you arent having frequent bad body image days because then you do need to sit down and ask yourself what the actual emotions and feelings are and so that the negative body image days dont take over or control your life or thoughts.

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Living life and the days passing by

Hello :)

I still find it strange by it is always my personal posts that get the most reads, and it still baffles me. I mean my life isnt so special or inspirational, but for some reason i guess you like my personal posts?
Let me know if you want me to write more my thoughts or opinions or whatever else you may be interested in reading about :)

So... how have i spent the past few days?
Well the days are passing by so quickly its almost scary, and the saying "time flies when you are having fun" is definitely true. I am looking forward to the new year, but then again a new year is also just a new day and i dont understand the people who just sit and wait and think that on Sunday everything will change, when that isnt the case at all. Like i have always said, things wont just magicaly change unless you make a change. So 2017 wont be better than 2016 if you dont try to make it better. If you have fears to face or habits to break, YOU need to change them, not just wait for a new year before you begin... but begin right away!!

So dont sit and wait until Sunday to make changes, you can start making changes right now. Or how about siting down and writing some short term and long term goals the new year? Or things you want to experience or lifestyle changes or adventures you want to go on?  Feel free to comment below if you have any goals for the new year!!

My day yesterday was spent with first a long workout, once again time just flew by so suddenly i had spent alot longer at the gym than planned, but that was ok. Normally i would freak out about it because "the day wasnt going according to my plan" (i usually mentally plan my day and each thing in my life has a certain amount of time i.e from 10-11 workout, 11-11.30 home journey, 11.30-12 make lunch etc). This might sound strange or strict or compulsive, that is not the case... its more that i get everything i want to done in a day, but of course i am not super strict with following that time schedule. For example the past few days i have been waking up at 9am because i have wanted and needed more sleep, compared to waking up at 6am like i usually do. So this sort of "messes with my time schedule", but i dont actually care because right now i need more sleep and why wake up at 6am when i am actually free from school? Why not appreciate these sleep ins, which i am definitely doing!!

After my workout it was home time and got 90 minutes of studying done. I love what i am studying so i dont find it difficult to do it during my break, but i must be honest i do wish that i was "completely free" and didnt have a test loomiing over my shoulders because i feel like i cant fully let go of school work 1) because i have a test but also 2) because i enjoy it. But i find that if i do a few hours each day it works best and then i dont need to sit 8 hours and be anti social!!

And finally, i ended my day by meeting my friends and sitting in a cafe for 3 hours when we all discussed our current life situations, relationship situations, struggles and positives and trying to make new years eve plans! It was so great to see them again, but of course we are all in different parts of the world studying and even though we are still friends its not the same type of friendship as in high school, whch is only understandable. But i dont like the feeling when its a sort of "awkward" silence even though we are great friends, but its just that no one can really think of what to say... haha.  But we are going to meet again this evening so then im sure it will feel better and less strained!!

That was my day yesterday and today it will just be studying before going out this evening and then tomorrow, Saturday its the last day of the year!! Crazy!! I definitely need to find some time to sit down and just write down my own goals for the new year, but also to look back on 2016 and see all the progress i have made in my life and how much i have grown!!!

I ate my salad from a huge serving plate....  was very full afterwards!

The left over cake from my mums birthday!

Vegan wine shopping for new years eve. Though now i regret buying them because i dont know if i will drink them and if i open them i cant save them. But who knows, i might let them stay closed and then just bring them back to Gothenburg with me and keep them for when i do want a glass of wine. But it feels silly to drink just because others are, instead i will drink if i actually WANT TO and not because i feel pressured to... that leads to negative feelings and guilt with alcohol.
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Motivational reminders

"You do not have to prove your mental illness to anyone. You do not have to be “sick enough” in order to feel what you are unfortunately feeling. You do not have to go to great lengths to explain why you feel this way. You do not need an explanation for your feelings. If you find the courage to tell someone what you are going through and they hastily dismiss your problems as no big deal, it is most certainly not your fault. Do not allow someone’s incredulity invalidate you."

Here’s a simple medical truth: When you have a broken leg, you can’t run. No matter how hard you try, you’re just not going to be able to do it. That’s how your body works sometimes; it shuts down so you physically can’t perform certain tasks. 
Surprising to a lot of people, depression works in a similar way. Depressed people also have broken parts—most likely a chemical reaction in their brain—that makes them unable to perform daily
activities. And no matter how hard they try or how hard someone tries to convince them to be happy, they can’t just get up and run.
— You, The Owner’s Manual (via just-yasmeen)

"i hate that we live in a world where mentally ill people feel obligated to apologize for relapsing/being suicidal/having breakdowns/hitting rock bottom like….there’s nothing worse than being in that position and feeling like you’re just letting everybody around you down. that makes my heart ache so much" Source

"friendly reminder that you don’t have to justify self-care with suffering. you don’t have to be feeling down to give yourself permission to spend the night home alone with that book you’ve been dying to read. you don’t have to earn that piece of chocolate with a hard day at work. you don’t have to run yourself ragged before you deserve a bubble bath. you don’t need to wait for a disaster to be nice to yourself." Source

Thursday, December 29, 2016

I'm thankful that my family understand my choice of being a vegan

Something which I wanted to write about is how thankful I am over the fact that my family are very understanding over my choice to be a vegan i.e live a vegan lifestyle. They are also very supporting which means a lot as well as I know that this isn't the case for everyone. My mum I the one who has had the hardest to accept my choices and who still questions my choices and actions but she is getting better.  I think at first it was hard for her to accept because veganism is so easily connected with restriction or eating disorders.  So in the beginning it was me just having to promise that it wasn't due to an eating disorder and now over time my actions have shown her that. And like I always say, actions speak louder than words.  I did initially lose weight but that was due to other factors as well, I did however regain the weight and still maintain a vegan diet and now I maintain my healthy weight while on a plant based diet.

Being vegan is of course easier when you live on your own and you buy and cook your own food. But whenever I am home my parents are so kind and do buy me vegan foods even if I tell them they don't have to because I'll buy my own food and as long as there are basics like lentils, chickpeas, vegetables and soy milk as well as some soy products which they eat anyway,I'll be fine. I think it was also easy for me to go to a fully vegan diet because I've grown up eating a mostly vegetarian diet and my parents are pescatarians but they do consume soy milk instead of regular milk as well as eating alot of beans and lentils etc so it's not a huge change or difference. However when my family make meals that everyone will eat they will make a vegan version for me or fry in oil or vegan margarine and use other binding ingredients than egg when making food. And that means so much to me. Of course veganism isn't about being perfect and I have accidently eaten vegan pancakes which were fried in butter and eaten scones that had butter in them when I was told they were vegan. But it's not the end of the world, it's just to move on.... you can't live with guilt over food or feel paranoid over others making you food.

I also have to say that I am lucky that I have both online and in real life friends who are vegan and in my class there are 2 other vegans and one or two who I have managed to inspire to eat more plant based. So that of course makes it easier when we go out to eat as a group and I'm not the only vegan or plant based eater.

It can be hard to be vegan when your family and/or friends are against you or keep questioning your choices.  But ig you believe in veganism for the ethical or environmental reasons then you will stick with it.

I've also been asked whether veganism has taken over my life... and the answer is both  yes and no. No in the sense that there is more to my life than veganism but also yes because when I buy products I make sure they are vegan whether it's lip balm, alcohol, food or make up. It can be time consuming or difficult in the beginning but it gets easier and if you find a brand you like then you just keep buying that brand. It doesn't have to be difficult or take up all of your time and it shouldn't consume your life either. I mean I believe in veganism but I AM MORE THAN A VEGAN. I.e i don't introduce myself as a vegan... I am me, what I enjoy to do and my personality. So even if I have certain beliefs and morals and ethics I am more than them. Just like I am not my CF or like I wasn't my depression or eating disorder.... if that makes sense, haha!

Remmeber that all you can do is your best! It's not about being perfect and I also think that there should be less judgement and that people don't have to be 100% vegan, but instead if everyone were to eat a few plant based meals weekly and maybe choose vegan options when available and buy non animal tested products then it will make a difference.  Even if people can be 100% vegan, every small choice makes a difference!!