Life without Anorexia

My motto is
'Dont let the sadness of your past & the fear of your future ruin the happiness of your present'

My life at the moment is completely different to how it once was. I spent 5 years sick with anorexia nervosia and depression as well as struggling with self harm and overexercising. I spent 2 years in different treatment centres.
And since 2012 i have been declared healthy from my eating disorder.

I have been blogging for 7 years, and my whole journey is written in my posts. I now represent healthy and happiness. I want to show anyone struggling that it is possible to recover, no matter how hard it may seem.

I now blog about recovery, my life, veganism and positivity!

If you have any questions leave them in the comment section as i am much quicker at answering there, otherwise you can always send an email: lifewithoutanorexia@hotmail.com

Translate

Sunday, December 13, 2015

Weird things I did when I was sick

I am hoping that this post won't be so triggering and I am by no means trying to make a joke of an eating disorder, but more.... looking back on my past and finding some of the things I did comical because I was not thinking rationally or clearly.  At the time it made sense but looking back now I just thinks it's strange and somewhat comical.

For all my meals at Mando i aƤwas supposed to have 3dl juice I. E one full glass, and most other patients had the same. I.e juice or milk with their meals. However when I walked to the table with my food on a "board" I would spill my juice so by the time I sat down I would have 60% juice in the glass left.... and yes; the staff always realised but yet I kept doing it, as if I was fooling anyone.  It reached a point where I wasn't even allowed napkins with my meals because I tried to hide and spill food all the time.

One meal when I was eating pasta and something I didn't have a staff sit beside or around me so I kept knocking pasta off my plate so it ended up on the tray. .... so i ended up with a whole load of pasta on my tray and when I was going to get up and leave (bring my tray back to the kitchen.... and somehow get rid of the pasta), I had my case manager come in. Notice all the pasta on my tray and make me eat it XD

My sister asked me to watch a YouTube clip wit her (which most likely wasn't more than than 3-5 minutes). But I refused to sit down to watch it (sitting scared me so much so I couldn't even sit to watch a short YT clip) and we got into a huge argument and didn't speak for days just because I wouldn't sit for 3 minutes.

I said that I was allergic to egg just to avoid eating certain foods and sauces. .. I did get stomach pains 
but it was most probably placebo and that I so badly wanted to be allergic or intolerant to all foods that scared me. So I had to get tests done to check and nope... I was not allergic or intolerant, and suddenly I no longer got pain XD haha. And I'm glad that im not intolerant to eggs.

I used to wear a corcett   (not sure how you spell it? XD) because I thought I was so fat and tried to keep everything "in" even if all I wore was loose dresses with tights.

6 comments:

  1. Izzy oh my gosh i totally understand your post!! Okay now I feel i have to share my old habits haha they were so freaking bizarre haha... (no offense to anyone who does these!) :)

    I used to hide food ALL THE TIME while inpatient in the hospital...
    I would stuff food into my SOCKS. MY DAMN SOCKS. Like, wtf. I would pretend I had an itch on my leg, and then stuff dry foods like bread buns and pretzels into my big slippers and socks.

    I NEVER ate out. On my brother 19th birthday my mom, brother, and I went out to an asian restaurant and I cried when we got seated at the table. I didn't want to eat anything and made a big scene at the place until finally I ordered salmon cooked "without oil, butter, or salt, a side of asparagus only steamed with water, and one small plain baked potato," (my words). I am so happy that now I can eat out with family and make birthdays all about the birthday boy/girl instead of my ED.

    When I had to get into a car to go places I would also make sure I was the last one to sit in the car because I felt I was burning more calories remaining standing compared to everyone else who was already sitting down inside the vehicle. XD wtf is that?!

    At school at my desk I would constantly get up from my desk, do work while standing, making escuses to walk around, and offer to get htings for people because I was burning my calories. if someone asks me to get something for them now I'm like, "WTF do I look like to you, a damn maid?!" hahah!

    hahaha oh my gosh. I love how we can reminisce on bad times in a humorous way... it means that we really have recovered indeed because we realize our old habits were truely unhealthy!!

    I hope everything is well with you!! <3
    love & hugs,
    gracie :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hahah it's so crazy to think about. There were lots of patients who tried using food and even threw food at times XD I always had the staff's eyes on me so I never got away with hiding food. And with the getting into the car I always did that as well, it's so crazy I mean 3 seconds difference. Haha. I was always super quick to open the door once we arrived at our destination as well. And also the school thing... did my work standing. Though that has caused me back pains as I stood in such weird potions :/ I am glad to hear that you are healthy and free and now able to look back on last behaviours and see how crazy they were!!

      Delete
    2. Right? I am glad you are too :)!!

      Delete
  2. Izzy oh my gosh i totally understand your post!! Okay now I feel i have to share my old habits haha they were so freaking bizarre haha... (no offense to anyone who does these!) :)

    I used to hide food ALL THE TIME while inpatient in the hospital...
    I would stuff food into my SOCKS. MY DAMN SOCKS. Like, wtf. I would pretend I had an itch on my leg, and then stuff dry foods like bread buns and pretzels into my big slippers and socks.

    I NEVER ate out. On my brother 19th birthday my mom, brother, and I went out to an asian restaurant and I cried when we got seated at the table. I didn't want to eat anything and made a big scene at the place until finally I ordered salmon cooked "without oil, butter, or salt, a side of asparagus only steamed with water, and one small plain baked potato," (my words). I am so happy that now I can eat out with family and make birthdays all about the birthday boy/girl instead of my ED.

    When I had to get into a car to go places I would also make sure I was the last one to sit in the car because I felt I was burning more calories remaining standing compared to everyone else who was already sitting down inside the vehicle. XD wtf is that?!

    At school at my desk I would constantly get up from my desk, do work while standing, making escuses to walk around, and offer to get htings for people because I was burning my calories. if someone asks me to get something for them now I'm like, "WTF do I look like to you, a damn maid?!" hahah!

    hahaha oh my gosh. I love how we can reminisce on bad times in a humorous way... it means that we really have recovered indeed because we realize our old habits were truely unhealthy!!

    I hope everything is well with you!! <3
    love & hugs,
    gracie :)

    ReplyDelete
  3. Oh the shameful memories!
    I used to go to bed with ice blocks all over me to 'tighten the skin' aka me trying to destroy cellulite (impossible because it's only natural) and also the cold made me burn more calories. I would dig holes and bury foods in the garden that scared me and I thought I might binge on- so I destroyed them with soil, making them inedible. I would wake up at 4am to swim in the freezing water (again extra calories), etc. Having an eating disorder was a full time job! So glad I don't have it anymore

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I hear ya! I am glad you are better and happy :)

      Delete