Life without Anorexia

My motto is
'Dont let the sadness of your past & the fear of your future ruin the happiness of your present'

I am a generally happy girl who loves running, going to the gym and eating food!! Though my life has been very different.
I spent 5 years sick with anorexia nervosia & purging tendencies & over exercising. I was depressed and self harmed. I spent 2 years in different treatment centres.
After alot of struggles, lots of ups and downs, suicide attempts, tears, anxiety, panic and never thinking i would be healthy.
I am now declared healthy from anorexia nervosia.

I have been blogging for 4 years, and my whole journey is written in my posts. I now represent healthy and happiness. I want to show anyone struggling that it is possible to recover, no matter how hard it may seem.

I am happy and healthy and living my life. Going to school, meeting friends and trying to find myself in this world.

I write about my daily life, but also try to write posts about how it was when i was sick, advice and tips.
I am open and friendly, so dont be scared about writing a post or sending me an email at:


Sunday, December 13, 2015

The fear that you will end up huge after eating disorder recovery

One of the most common questions I get asked, is about the fear of becoming huge after recovery /gaining weight.

The fear that you will become overweight or think that the weight gain will never stop.  It can be hard to believe it when you are stuck in the mindset that eating 1 potatoe more than yesterday will cause weight gain, or not doing your squats after dinner will cause weight gain. But weight gain is not as easy as just eating an apple extra and suddenly you gain weight.  But also being overweight is not as simple as just eating extra a few times or specifically eating to gain weight from underweight.

Becoming overweight is something that happens over time unless it has something to due with metabolic illnesses or thyroid illnesses. But I am not going to talk about those here as that is something separate from eating disorders.

First off, if you need to gain weight your body will change.... accept that. However it is not a bad change it is a GOOD change. A NECESSARY change. And also, a few kilo gain or loss makes little difference to your appearance. A persons body naturally fluctuates 2-3kg per day due to water, hormones, food etc

Also weight gain takes time. However in the beginning of recovery when you first begin to eat more or to follow a meal plan then you can get anywhere from 3-5kg in a week, but this is not actual weight gain... its mostly water and your body being shocked from the difference. But eventually after 2-3 weeks if you keep following regular eating the weight gain should slow down to about 0,5-1kg weight gain a week. Which is the recommended. ... gaining more than that each week can mean that the weight gain is going too quickly and your mental recovery won't really hang with, but if you are gaining too slowly that is just a way of controlling your weight gain and not actually recovering or letting go of your eating disorder.

But back to the point. ... weight gain doesn't go so quickly. Weight gain DOES take time. Of course it is a very individual thing as well but generally speaking weight gain isn't so fast and does not go as fast as you think.  I had times I wished to wake up 5kg heavier because I was tired of the weight gain process and just wanted to focus on life and not weight gain. Because you know what.... at times you actually need to focus all your attention on eating lots so that you gain weight. In all honesty if you are eating very little bit gaining weight you should be concerned because then your metabolism is not working properly or is slow.

The fear that you think you will keep gaining weight or that you will be huge and have fat everywhere are understandable fears but are also slightly irrational.

IF you find balance, if you allow your body ti heal and recover and you face fears then your body should naturally find a set point. However if you are still too restictive or end up binging or still hold onto your ED then your body doesn't find the balance and the weight will fluctuate in weird ways. So finding balance and ALLOWING your body to recover are important. And also remembering that yes, your body will be different and you will weigh more but you can accept snd love your new healthy body. Because the aim is a HEALTHY body. Your doctor will not set you an unhealthy weight and naturally your body will NOT want to settle at an unhealthy weight.  The body knows where it is healthy but you also have to allow your body to be healthy.... If your mind is unhealthy that is when the weight can increase or decrease lots.

Find accounts of people who have recovered (and preferably not ones who have turned to extreme fitness) and look at their progress. Did their weight spiral up uncontrollably or did it settle somewhere which was healthy for them? (And as mentioned, if someone is still suffering with an unhealthy mind or turns to binge eating it is possible for the weight to spiral up but then they are still suffering with an eating disorder and not healthy).

And I am aware that 1) I know I can eat alot so my everyday intake might not be the typical for people BUT it also shows that you can eat alot.... I mean if I can eat roughly 3000kcal a day and maintain you should be able to eat enough to gain weight. And also 2) I am aware that my progress went from skinny to normal (?) And now to more muscular but that is MY progress and my story. But that is why I recommend to see people's progress from those who haven't turned to lots of exercise just to get an idea to see how a persons weight/body size  naturally was.... Because I know that I wouldn't look the way I look if I didn't exercise. I would most likely be alot skinnier and not eating the same amount.

It's ok to have fears. But try to think rationally. Push past those fears.... Because in the end, even if you do end up gaining lots of weight which puts you in another unhealthy state then you can lose it.... but you have to try recovery and find BALANCE. That is a very important part of recovery.

Acknowledge your fears but push past them. Weight gain is not a bad thing and doesn't go ands fast as you think it does.

Weight gain is also not the end of the world.

1 comment:

  1. Hi Izzy, I just wanted to say thank you .... I am healthy, have neither desire nor, I think, ability to go back to ED ways, but still value very, very much the "company" of someone who has recovered properly ... You are an inspiration in a lot of ways.