I guess another "proper" question is how do you start to accept there will always be people thinner than you? I am very aware of how fat I am and how much fatter I will be if I gain to a healthy weight, but I really struggle because it seems to "unfair" that others are so thin and yet healthy weights. Or even not healthy. Does that make sense? Does the desire to be a skeleton diminish?
First of all, i dont think you are fat.That is just what the voice in your head is telling you. But if you actually were 'fat'.. so to say overweight, you would not be told to gain weight. But you need to gain weight, and there is a reason for that - You are underweight. You arent fat now, and you wont be fat when you have gained weight. I know those fears, i had them myself.
But a good question is to ask yourself, why are you so scared of being 'fat'? Is fat really so bad?
And like you said, there will always be people who are thinner than you, jjust like there will always be people who are bigger than you, taller than you, shorter than you etc There is nothing you can do about that apart from be happy with yourself and your body.
You need to learn to stop comparing yourself to others. Just like i said in my previous post, there will always be people dieting, tryingt o lose weight. But you need to focus on yourself and your OWN goals. Not what everybody else is doing, or how others look.
You need to realise that yo uneed to be a healthy weight to function properly. A healthy weight does NOT mean over weight or fat. You need to fight those thoughts, because they arent true.
The desire to be thin fades as you learn to love yourself... when you learn to accept your body, accept the way you look and love yourself, then you stop looking at others and comparing yourself. You dont want anybody eelses body. There are times you might feel awful in your body and think, 'wouldnt it be great to look like XXX' but those thoughts dont take over your life, they are not common thoughts.
Alsso when you find a reason to live. When you feel happy, when you have a hobby or activity which you enjoy doing then you stop looking at your body, just thinking of the way you look... but instead you do this thing/or things which you love... it gets you out of the house, gets your doing something. And you learn to love life.
And when you love life, you dont feel the need to change yourself, your body or your life. Though once again, there are times when you just wish that you could have sombody elses life.
You need to fight the thoughts and the desire to be skinny... ask yourself, What do i get out of being skinny? Am i happier? Am i healthier?Was i living life to the fullest and enjoying it? Was i happy in my own body, or was ai constantly trying to change myself... comparing myself to others?
You need to realise that being healthy is ALOT more important than being skinny.
There are people who are naturally very skinny and you might think thats unfair, but thats life. And you need to learn to love yourself ando not care so much about how others look.
And yes, there willl alwauys be others who are sick. Who are struggling with an ED. And i wish it wasnt that way... but it is. And you might feel jealous, wonder why someone that skinny is allowed to be walking around town, while you have to gain weight? Yes, i had those thoughts when i was sick.
But ask yourself, how happy are those people really? They are going through the same hell which you are... but you are closer to recovery. You are closer to getting your life back. Its har dto recover, but its worth it. And you need to fight all those types of thoughts, fight the desire to be skinny and instead focus on life and healthy. Because it does get better and it does get easier!! So focus on that instead!!