Comment on my look back 2015 part 1:
Aah this post kind of makes me sad... Don't get me wrong - I love the post, but looking how far you've come in your life after this stupid illness, I'm just so fucking proud of you and I'm sad that my life wasn't as good as I expected it to be... I want it to be different next year, but I don't know if I'll be able to actually recover... I want to be happy again!
I know how tough it is when you are struggling and things just aren't going as you planned or thought. When it feels like everyone else has it better and everyone is making progress and achieving things and you are just left struggling. But it doesn't have to be this way forever, you don't have to struggle forcer. But it's about making a a change, deciding to make a change and then sticking to that decision through the good and bad times. Of course, it's easier to write... decide you want to make a change and then things will change and suddenly everything will be better. It's not that simple, life never turns out as expected, both for the better and the worse. Somethings take longer time to achieve and to become reality. But if you really want something and work towards it eventually you will end up with a change.
All of things I have in my life but also how I live my life hasn't come easy. I've worked towards goals and dreams made them reality. The positive thoughts I've worked on everyday and worked on body acceptance and body love since 2012/2013 which after 2 years has lead to me now being fully accepted about my body and loving my body how it looks no matter if I gain 5kg or lose 5kg. Accepting my stretch marks and scars and the the things I once despised about myself. It was a journey and it took time,I didn't love my body after a week of being positive about my body, but it took time. And the same with recovery. I thought that if I ate and gained weight that I would be recovered in a matter of weeks. but that is not how it works, so from when I decided to actually recover it took 1,5 years to gain all the weight and to feel mostly mentally recovered and also be declared healthy. I felt healthy at the time, but when I look back i know there were things I still had to work on which I did. And eventually I felt completely free.
It's hard work and it is easy to give up, to just settle but then you will never really know what you are missing out on. Or you will know, but are too scared to make a change and to reach that new stage.
It is not easy to recover and to stumble around in the dark, not knowing what will happen next and having all these fears. But the only thing you can do is to move forward and think rationally about those fears and overcome them. You can not let fears hold you back from living a happy life and the life you want.
You can be happy and you can recover. But it means that you have to ask yourself what can I do to be happy again? To talk to someone? Ask for help and support? Start a new hobby? Try to meet friends? Think positively? Start writing your thoughts? Do you need to change school or work or take a break all together? What changes can you make that will lead you towards your goal?
Small things everyday will make a difference. Don't just settle, especially not if you aren't happy. Then you need to step outside of your comfort zone and try to overcome your fears so you can live a better life.
You can do it!! If you really want it things can change even if they take time and are tough, it's worth it!!!