Good morning :)
I wanted to start off this post super positive, be the old positive person I was. But that was not how I felt this morning at all. I so badly want to go back to that inspiring and positive person I was,sometimes I wonder why people even read my blog as I feel like I'm not doing such a great job of helping others or being inspiring and when I try to be positive it feels like it's fake, even if it isn't always. I want to start my days with positive thoughts and notice the small things in life but if I do that it feels like it's fake and I'm trying too hard. It feels like I have far too many thoughts in my mind but at the same time none of my thoughts are clear and I don't quite know what it is I am thinking?
I am once again stuck in the waiting phase, though I know what I am waiting for now. When I think about university I get excited but at the same time scared and anxious and also tired.... like I want to crawl into bed and refuse to travel or study. I'm excited and ready to study but at the same time there is alot of fear involved, something new and different. .. it does evoke anxiety and panic in me but I think it's just fear of the unknown. I don't know what awaits me and so I don't know what to expect. But it's also not really hit me..... that either I am going to move away or star travelling 3-4 hours a day which just the thought of it exhausts me and makes me wonder how I will have time for anything other than studying and travelling?
It won't be until I actually begin studying or until I get an apartment that I will realise that all of this is real... for now it's just that waiting stage. Though there is still so much to fix beforehand so I'm going to try get alot of those things done today. I have a whole checklist of things which will take me several hours to get done today.
For now... I don't know how I'm feeling. I hate being asked how I am doing or how I feel because I honestly can't answer that, but also I can't answer honestly. OK or tired seems to be the best answers though that doesn't even begin to cover how I feel. Anyway.... what I actually wanted to say was that, I want to be the positive me again and to be able to inspire others! I want to spread positivity again!!! And I am going to get back to that, to be able to start my day and spread positivity! !!