Life without Anorexia

My motto is
'Dont let the sadness of your past & the fear of your future ruin the happiness of your present'

My life at the moment is completely different to how it once was. I spent 5 years sick with anorexia nervosia and depression as well as struggling with self harm and overexercising. I spent 2 years in different treatment centres.
And since 2012 i have been declared healthy from my eating disorder.

I have been blogging for 7 years, and my whole journey is written in my posts. I now represent healthy and happiness. I want to show anyone struggling that it is possible to recover, no matter how hard it may seem.

I now blog about recovery, my life, veganism and positivity!

If you have any questions leave them in the comment section as i am much quicker at answering there, otherwise you can always send an email: lifewithoutanorexia@hotmail.com

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Tuesday, December 29, 2015

Ramble of thoughts

Good morning :)

I wanted to start off this post super positive, be the old positive person I was. But that was not how I felt this morning at all. I so badly want to go back to that inspiring and positive person I was,sometimes I wonder why people even read my blog as I feel like I'm not doing such a great job of helping others or being inspiring and when I try to be positive it feels like it's fake, even if it isn't always. I want to start my days with positive thoughts and notice the small things in life but if I do that it feels like it's fake and I'm trying too hard. It feels like I have far too many thoughts in my mind but at the same time none of my thoughts are clear and I don't quite know what it is I am thinking?

I am once again stuck in the waiting phase, though I know what I am waiting for now. When I think about university I get excited but at the same time scared and anxious and also tired.... like I want to crawl into bed and refuse to travel or study. I'm excited and ready to study but at the same time there is alot of fear involved, something new and different. .. it does evoke anxiety and panic in me but I think it's just fear of the unknown.  I don't know what awaits me and so I don't know what to expect. But it's also not really hit me..... that either I am going to move away or star travelling 3-4 hours a day which just the thought of it exhausts me and makes me wonder how I will have time for anything other than studying and travelling?

It won't be until I actually begin studying or until I get an apartment that I will realise that all of this is real... for now it's just that waiting stage. Though there is still so much to fix beforehand so I'm going to try get alot of those things done today. I have a whole checklist of things which will take me several hours to get done today.

For now... I don't know how I'm feeling. I hate being asked how I am doing or how I feel because I honestly can't answer that,  but also I can't answer honestly. OK or tired seems to be the best answers though that doesn't even begin to cover how I feel. Anyway.... what I actually wanted to say was that, I want to be the positive me again and to be able to inspire others! I want to spread positivity again!!! And I am going to get back to that, to be able to start my day and spread positivity! !!

4 comments:

  1. I`m sure once you have a definite plan to follow you will feel much more settled about things, right now it seems so much is up in the air. Any uncertainty in life is scary and I don`t blame you for feeling the way you do.
    You may not feel like you are coming across as positive - but you are! Even when you write about your struggles that is appositive too because you are being open and honest, and that in turn is inspiring. I find it hard to open up sometimes so reading that you can do it encourages me to try also.
    You don`t have to be super happy everyday - just be you. And I think you are doing a great job juggling your life and this blog - and if that isn't positive and inspiring I don`t know what is.
    Hope you have a good day and get done the things you want to get done!

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  2. You cant even imagine how u save me every time i wanna starve and see your blog. I instantly feel like doing the right thing. You are so positive and inspiring that i want to recover as fast as possible , I want to be happy with food. I am trying my best just because of you. You are the most inspiring and positive person I have ever heard about . You are perfect in my eyes. Hope that made you smile . You will succeed , I'm sure.

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  3. Hey izzy!
    It's normal that you aren't happy and positive everyday, and I think you are pretty positive and alsways try to find good things. But if you aren't positive or a bit down remember that it's normal and just accept it, because it will go away. I think in the moment you truly accept it, you feel good again :D
    And i truly understand your thoughts about university and future stuff, and I think a little panik and anxiety is normal,but in these moments i try to be calm and think everything will be alright, and trust yourself that you will make it:) i think calmness and self-confidence are very important.
    In the end I really admire you and how far you have come! Through you I began the battle angainst anorexia and now I'm breaking out of my depressed and anxious thoughts, and you still help me everyday!!<33

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  4. You are too hard on yourself Izzy. You will ALWAYS be an inspiration to me and to many others. It breaks my heart to read how down you have been feeling. Don't put so much pressure on yourself. You need to take care of yourself first and foremost and then everything else will fall into place. One thing I think many of us are guilty of, is being quick to criticise ourselves while not really seeing the real picture. Izzy you may feel like you aren't blogging very well at the moment but please, don't listen to that inner critical voice!! Youare doing such a FANTASTIC job and you are so selfless in that even though you don't feel well in yourself, you still continue to write such inspiring and helpful posts and continue to reach out and help so many of your readers!!
    Really hope you feel better soon Izzy, hugs from Laois :* xxx

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