Life without Anorexia

My motto is
'Dont let the sadness of your past & the fear of your future ruin the happiness of your present'

My life at the moment is completely different to how it once was. I spent 5 years sick with anorexia nervosia and depression as well as struggling with self harm and overexercising. I spent 2 years in different treatment centres.
And since 2012 i have been declared healthy from my eating disorder.

I have been blogging for 7 years, and my whole journey is written in my posts. I now represent healthy and happiness. I want to show anyone struggling that it is possible to recover, no matter how hard it may seem.

I now blog about recovery, my life, veganism and positivity!

If you have any questions leave them in the comment section as i am much quicker at answering there, otherwise you can always send an email: lifewithoutanorexia@hotmail.com

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Thursday, December 17, 2015

New day

Thursday and a new day!! Yesterday was one of the strangest days in a while. It started with me heading to school for 8am as we were supposed to get our tests back and find out our grades, I was very nervous about it.  Though when I got to school and to the classroom there was no one there which was strange but I figured maybe the class was going to start later and I just hadn't gotten the information so I sat and waited until 8.30 when a guy from my class showed up and was equally confused,and then another guy and girl showed up. We sat there and tried to figure out whether we had missed something or what was going on. None of the teachers we asked knew anything about a change in our schedule or what time we started or anything. Eventually by 10.30 we all have up hope, 2 and a half hours of waiting and I didn't feel like waiting another 90 minutes just incase... I mean no one else from the class had shown up,  so obviously the 4 of us had missed out on some type of information. and I still don't know any information about whether I have any more classes or need to go there on Monday.  Because officially I have finished that course and have no more scheduled lessons, but I have no idea at this point. .... but otherwise I don't actually regret sitting and waiting because the 3 others were really nice and it was kind of nice to just sit and talk there, we were all strangers despite being in the same class for 2 months. But it shows how it's just to start a conversation and you can find out how nice and also interesting people are!!

I then headed home and it was then I was overcome by anxiety and panic and I don't know why... I just was. And it was absaloutly awful to feel that way, but I had plans to meet my boyfriend so I tried to gather myself and meet him despite how I felt. I wanted to do something and had suggested that we do something as all we seem to do is the same thing, but once we sat in the sofa it didn't take long for us both to fall asleep, haha. And then it was pretty much just to accept that we weren't going to get anything else done and might as well just watch series, haha. And that was my weird day yesterday, though there was more to it than that,  such as feeling very dizzy and feeling like the world was spinning and having very weird nightmares. But today is a new day!!

And my day started with buying my last Christmas presents. They are supposed to arrive on Wednesday (23rd! ).And I really.hope they do....  but I just didn't know what I should buy so it took me ages to try to decide what to get. But now all my presents are bought anyway, and next week it's Christmas. .... absaloutly crazy. I hadn't even realised that until my boyfriend mentioned it yesterday! I thought it was 2 weeks away?!!

Anyway today it is the cf clinic and as always I'm nervous. ... and if I have rhe same doctor as last time she will most likely want to admit me or put me on some strong medication.... so I'm not looking forward to today and am almost ready to cry just thinking about it. But if things go well then I have nothing to worry about I guess. But I generally hate going to doctors and when I know the results might be bad or I might hear bad news it is never fun, but I need to remind myself that my doctors are just tying to help me and it's just to accept their help.

Today I'm going to focus on making this day good. Look forward to a cosy evening and I'm going to buy lots of delicious snacks and just be able to creep into my bed when I get home and drink coffee and not do anything,  hahaha. That's my luxury, my bed, coffee, snacks and not doing anything! !! :)

what are your favourite things to look forward to in the evenings? :)

4 comments:

  1. The dizziness sounds worth checking out with the doctor? x
    I hope all goes well today. You are remarkable the way you keep going through all these things!

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  2. Haha, I had the Same problems at University at least once a year- Most of the time the professors Put a Note at the door and some funny Person Took it away- so lots of waiting :D Still dont know why the professors neuer wrote a Mail, we could have sagen lots of time^^

    Good luck for your doctor s appointment!

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  3. Good luck at the doctors! Hope it goes ok! I have been feeling quite anxious and have panic attacks as well lately. Very stressed about a lot of negative people in my life and about everything right now. Going to try to color on the train home to see if that makes me feel better. Hope you start feeling better as well! XoStina

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  4. Hi Izzy - I hope your doctors appointment went well and everythings ok.
    Just a passing thought I have been having when you wrote about your feelings of anxiety and panic - are you drinking normal coffee and energy drinks with caffeine?
    I ask because a while back I developed a liking for coke a cola after drinking it for the first time in ages whilst on holiday. Although I can`t say I drank loads I began to experience feelings of anxiety and panic, so much so that I thought I was having a relapse back into my depression when I suffered from anxiety and panic regularly. I made an appointment with my doctor and she referred me back to my psychiatrist where we discussed any changes in my life that could be causing these feelings. She hit straight away on me drinking coke a cola as apparently caffeine can cause anxiety and feelings of panic. I stopped drinking the cola and my symptoms disappeared - it wasn't a relapse after all. Now apart from a normal cup of tea first thing in the morning I drink de caff all the way and I`m fine.
    It was just a thought because you have often said on here that you like your coffee and energy drinks, and if your feelings of anxiety are coming out of no where, maybe that's it? Like I said, it was just a thought that maybe could help you. Also caffine can react with certain meds, even herbal.

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