Life without Anorexia

My motto is
'Dont let the sadness of your past & the fear of your future ruin the happiness of your present'

I am a generally happy girl who loves running, going to the gym and eating food!! Though my life has been very different.
I spent 5 years sick with anorexia nervosia & purging tendencies & over exercising. I was depressed and self harmed. I spent 2 years in different treatment centres.
After alot of struggles, lots of ups and downs, suicide attempts, tears, anxiety, panic and never thinking i would be healthy.
I am now declared healthy from anorexia nervosia.

I have been blogging for 4 years, and my whole journey is written in my posts. I now represent healthy and happiness. I want to show anyone struggling that it is possible to recover, no matter how hard it may seem.

I am happy and healthy and living my life. Going to school, meeting friends and trying to find myself in this world.

I write about my daily life, but also try to write posts about how it was when i was sick, advice and tips.
I am open and friendly, so dont be scared about writing a post or sending me an email at:


Tuesday, December 8, 2015

Losing weight should not be you life goal

Eating disorders are not always about wanting to be super skinny, not wanting to eat  etc... they are about controlling your life... about running from  a problem. There is a reason why someone stops eating, starts controlling their food intake, striving to be super skinny.
   Many dont know why they become sick, its not something which is easily done. But for some people, they know why... they are running from something. Avoiding something. Or trying to control their situation/their life by all these habits...

And you know what... losing weight is not going to solve that initial problem. You need to deal with life, with your problems .Because you cant hide from it... you cant hide from life.
  There are good times and bad times.

If you hated yourself before you began losing weight... if you had issues before you began losing weight... well, why is everything going to be better when you are size 0 or weigh X kilo?

I think i became sick as i felt so out of control...  I had started a new school, there were loads of kids and i am quite shy at first... i mean, im not the person who first makes conversation. But once the conversation starts, then i easily make friends.
  But also, i was very sick with my CF at the time... and every weekend, me and my sister would travel 2 hours to spend the weekend with our dad... & my sister was having problems with our step mum.
   There was just alot going on in my life... i was very stressed at the time, and already very sick. And somehow, i wanted control... I began exercising more, and i cant remember how or why, but i began purging what i did eat... and then i began restricting what i ate. And then suddenly feelings of guilt after eating became stronger. I had an increase of self hate, and i became depressed and began self harming...
  All of that, because i was trying to control my life...

The fact is, i wwill always have CF... even if i hate it. I hate knowing that i have a serious illness which if not treated properly, does cause serious damage. Though i know, i am not the only one. I dont feel sorry for myself or seek pity. Because there are people alot worse than me. But when i was younger, yes... i felt sorry for myself. I hated having CF, i didnt treat my CF properly and got sick often.
  But now, i am older and wiser. I take care of my body. I exercise, i eat right, i take all my medications take care of myself... and that is what keeps me healthy. I control my CF properly.
   I do get stressed with school... and stress is something which affects me emencly, but i have learnt to cope with it. And no longer need to self harm, or starve myself in order to control what is going on....
  I am no longer a control freak either... i have learnt  that life happens... things that are out of my control happen. And i cant do anything about it, and thats ok. Because i dont need to control everything.

With this post... i just want to make you all realise that, if you are trying to hide from life... hide from your problems with your eating disorder, they are still going to be there. And my best advice is to tackle the problem instead of running from it.


  1. i really struggle with separating my feelings/things that are going on from my body. like if i feel bad its something about my body, if I'm angry then ill feel better if i starve, if i feel lonely i abuse my body etc. everything is my body's fault but i don't know how to stop what I'm feeling being transferred onto my body, how fat i feel and my food/exercise.

  2. I'm really scared of getting better honey, i have always had an eating disorder since i was very young and so i don't know what life will be like without it, I'm scared i won't be able to cope as it's all i know, its my crutch. i don't know how to deal with anger, stress, loneliness, upset etc I'm so afraid i will go back to my eating disorder cos ill need something to help me cope.

  3. what i am struggling with is when you look better people thing you're better yet in your head you feel a whole lot worse but people just brush it off and say you're fine, your eating, you look ok but your not and nobody will listen so you just go silent and then need ed to cope.