Life without Anorexia

My motto is
'Dont let the sadness of your past & the fear of your future ruin the happiness of your present'

My life at the moment is completely different to how it once was. I spent 5 years sick with anorexia nervosia and depression as well as struggling with self harm and overexercising. I spent 2 years in different treatment centres.
And since 2012 i have been declared healthy from my eating disorder.

I have been blogging for 7 years, and my whole journey is written in my posts. I now represent healthy and happiness. I want to show anyone struggling that it is possible to recover, no matter how hard it may seem.

I now blog about recovery, my life, veganism and positivity!

If you have any questions leave them in the comment section as i am much quicker at answering there, otherwise you can always send an email: lifewithoutanorexia@hotmail.com

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Saturday, December 26, 2015

Lookback 2015: April, May, June

Continuing on from my post yesterday :)

April:

When i look back on the month of April i realise that April was a rather good month. There were alot of positives and it was getting brighter and warmer which is always appreciated!

I made progress in my headstands









I baked two cakes for Easter!!

Went out for dinner with my boyfriend, and i think it was this month (Or earlier?) when i got to meet my boyfriends best friend who was in Stockholm for a few days!! Hahah the pressure was real, had to make a good impression. The first impression was a good one i think, though my second impression on him wasnt as good i dont think.



I had set myself the goal to run a half marathon in May, so i had 4 weeks on me to be prepared. Which meant that i ran 20km every weekend for the month of April, as well as fitting in intervals and more running throughout the week.
(The training was good and worked, though now in afterhand all the running i did up to May was too much for my body, combined with strength training and alot of stress in school. Because after my half marathon my running motivation went downhill as it was just too much on my body. But i loved my long runs so much and i longed for them during the weekdays when i didnt have the time to run more than 10km)



Snacks for me and my boyfriend. We did alot of series watching!!

I made the most delicious brownies ever....  Still think about them sometimes, but dont know what recipe i used :(

This was insanely good! Eggwhite oatmeal (with just a little bit of salt) & chocolate casein and two warm brownie pieces!!


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Went to my parallel classes graduation party (i.e you have the party a few weeks before you graduate!)
At the end of april i was able to run in shorts!





I got my graduation cap and celebrated that with my friends (it is a tradition on the 30th of April that all the students who will graduate that year put on their graduation caps and sort of celebrate that they are going to graduate!). Also it was my sisters birthday the day before and my dad was in Sweden :)
The evening of the 30th i was going to celebrate with friends however i was so tired that i remember when i got home after all the celebrations in school and then meeting my dad, i came home and just fell asleep at once. The beginning of needing naps XD No amount of caffeine could increase my energy levels at this point and the sttress was wearing me down even more.



May:

May 2nd and time for my half marathon!!! (This day was such an awesome day and such an awesome achievement for me. Because even if i could run the distance, had done it several times, its not the same when its race day and you are running a new route as well as feeling the pressure of wanting to run a good time and not giving up. But also races in general make me feel very nervous and i feel alot of "race pressure" which isnt fun. But the race went super well and i was under 2 hours which was nice!)








I had my friends over for brunch - and the first time they got to meet my boyfriend as well!



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Weekends spent with essay writing and lunch
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Evening walks with my sister (and the snakes were beginning to slither out!)

Went to a "tea party/birthday party"

Pancakes were a standard meal at my boyfriends place

One morning when i was out running my boyfriend had gone to the store to buy the above and suprised me with breakfast which was one of the cutest things ever :)



I got my heels for graduation and i never wanted to take them off, despite them being super high and a very thin heel i loved my shoes!!




It was time for my graduation and dinner. I was awarded the "class strength" during dinner, which was a nice award to be nominated, haha :) Got to dance and have a good time with friends!

 Spent time walking around the city and sitting by the pier with my boyfriend... most of my school work was done so i wasnt drowning in school work anymore.

Was a dog sitter with my boyfriend for his parents dog :)




I made brunch (on my own) for my mum on mothers day.





Took some pictures of me in my graduation outfit... but of course i had to get down and do some push ups and go to the outside gym.... in my heels and white dress, hahah. I had people look at me like i was crazy!!!

June:

Looking back on June and the photos taken (which arent and wont be published) this was when things took a downhill regarding my mood. It was like all the stress that i had repressed during the past 5 months suddenly caught up with me and hit me hard and suddenly everything felt so much harder and the anxiety, tiredness and negativity grew. Though it wasnt until October or November (?) when i actually wrote about how i was feeling on my blog. Though things just progressively grew worse during the year, and i do blame it on all the stress i had in school which then triggered somethign and i couldnt quite cope with everything...

This was also the month where alot happened...



My watermelon consumption began XD

Bought new running shoes which took a long time to be able to use without getting blisters.

I was excited for the Nike race in Stockholm, also the colour Me Rad race!











The day after the colour run it was time for my graduation, which meant waking up at 5am XD I had to get ready then meet my friends in a park and have a champagne "breakfast". Then we walked to the school where we got some actual breakfast and then there were lots of speeches and then waiting and finally we got to "run out" of the school - a symbol of finally leaving the school!! And we were meant by lots of people and we had to find our families and then get changed before we got on a "truck" which drives you around town and it plays music and you spray alcohol (XD) and you just sort of celebrate that you have graduated! (Its a swedish tradition!) It was super cold and you got wet from all the beer sprayed but i had a good time anyway. Afterwards my mum picked me up, i got changed and showered before family and friends came over and it was dinner/lunch and i got some lovely presents and then it was just to take a short nap before heading out for even more partying with friends (which was a disaster party, hahaha.) Also my dad and younger brother were in Sweden for my graduation which made the day even better!










(Our course was very tough... so we were proud that none of us "dropped the course" but also it was an internal joke within out class)



I miss this day alot... because it was such a milestone for me. Something i had only ever dreamed of but never thought i would achieve... there have been far too many times in my life that i have been suicidal and wanted to give up. So for me, graduating was such an unbelievable feeling, though that day went far too quickly!!
Onto the rest of the month :)


Sweaty runs outside

 Time for another race.... which didnt go well at all. It was super warm, i hadnt ate enough or drank enough and my breathing had gotten alot worse. So there were times i felt like fainting due to the warmth and lack of water... this was just an awful race but i ran the 10km under 55minutes which i was proud of due to the circumstances.


I celebrated midsummer with my family out in an apartment and we also travelled to a new town though as it was midsummer everything was closed, haha.

I was also in a sort of "half argument/dispute" with my boyfriend at the time. The only one we have had. Well, due to how i was feeling i was super forgetful and we had booked a hotel and train tickets to Gothenburg, but i had forgotten about my Nike race which was on the evening of the day we had booked the train tickets. My boyfriend just wanted to get out of Stockholm but i so badly wanted to run the Nike race. I had no idea what to do, as it was just myself and my dizzziness to blame for the double booking. But i had so much anxiety and didnt know what to do. I didnt want to be one of those girlfriends who had to have things my way, but ever since i booked the Nike race i wanted to run it. Finally things solved themselves and i bought two new train tickets (as we couldnt change the dates or sell our previous tickets) and had to rebook the hotel dates... and i am glad i did. Even if i felt awful but it was just one day difference and the Nike race was one of my best races and most favourite races. Though i felt like such an awful person which was silly, but i couldnt help it. I hate being an inconvenience and have people change plans for me. 

 

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Spent two days in hospital doing all the tests there are... checked my heart, lungs, kidneys, bone density, fat, cardiovascular health, eye sight, hearing, blood test, checking if have diabetes etc etc I was poked and proded and super tired by the end of those 2 days.

Finally, the day after my Nike race it was time for Gothenburg with my boyfriend and we spent 3 nights at a super hotel. The hotel breakfast was amazing, i loved the huge theme park. The food was delicious, i fell in love with Gothenburg and wanted to move there. And it was also my first time travelling with my boyfriend and i had a good time and made the best of things. But i remember beforehand i was super nervous as i hate sleeping away from home and spending nights in hotels and such but the 3 days went well, but i was longing for home by the 3rd day.
















So much happened these 3 months!!! Lots of things i had sort of forgotten about, so it was nice to look back on!! 

The first six months of 2015 have been looked back on and filled me with happy memories!! The next 6 months will be in more posts :)


2 comments:

  1. Wish I could also look back on times having friends and a loving family. Now I'm a twenty-something and I don't think I will ever find friends. I keep asking myself what I am expecting from life.

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  2. Its not until you look back after a year that you realise how much happens, and how much a person can change.

    Have an awesome 2016 Izzy!! :D Xx

    ReplyDelete