I love Tuesdays because they are the day that I can sleep in ^-^ waking up after 8 hours sleep is pretty awesome according to me! It's the day where I can decide what to do and don't have any "musts" or places to be (apart from crossfit this evening anyway). It is also the day where I can clean my room, all the other days I don't really have the energy or time to do it. It is much harder to clean my room when it's dark, I prefer to do it in the mornings and Tuesday feels like the perfect day for that :) though I'm beginning to feel like I have a problem because i can't seem to keep my room clean at all... its as if 5 messy people live in my room ^-^ but my goal is to try to keep it as clean as possible and to try to make it a daily thing to keep it clean, not just once a week because then the piles of clothes begin to increase to the point where I can't find certain items of clothing anymore or even forget about certain clothes because they have been in the pile for so long. Also remembering that the floor is not a good place to keep things. Having to jump over things just to get to my bed might not be the best idea.... items have their places to be and I need ro remember to put them back afterwards! ! I guess I'm just a messy person naturally, or I know this.... when I lived in Ireland I had this walk in closet in my room where I threw everything in and never cleaned in there. I would literally crawl over things and dig into bags to find certain items and 6 months later I'd find something which I had forgtten about as I had just thrown it in there. So when we moved to sweden my mum and sister had to clean and go through that closet,I still feel sorry for them, haha... I think it took 2 days or something for them to clean it all out!! (Note I was still in hospital that's why I couldn't clean it)
I also began thinking about some other goals I have....
I want to spend a week or two somewhere in Italy with my family during summer. Rent a cottage somewhere where it's close to a small town/village and a beach etc... haha i just want warmth, to get away and good food!!
To have enough money to travel to the U.S!
To have enough money to take my mum out to a fancy dinner where she can order whatever and however much she likes :)
To have my own apartment!
Just some goals I thought about this morning:) always good to have things to work towards.
Also tomorrow I find out about university. .... :S though considering that 2000-3000 (can't remember how much) people applied to the program and only 25 get in i don't have the best chances :/ so I am preparing myself for the worst. But in 2-3 weeks time ill get to know if people have said no and I get in anyway. ... or who knows, maybe I have gotten in as a first place :) I really really hope that. Or in all honesty, I am not so excited to study. I feel very drained of mental energy and just don't feel so much motivation, lost in numbness and not really knowing anymore. Is this the right course? Is this what I want to study? What am I doing with my life.... so studying isn't really so exciting at the moment, instead I feel like I would much rather work for a while. Earn some money, do something other than study and then get back into studying when I'm feeling better mentally. But I am not going to make any decisions now, if I get in - which I hope I do - I will study and move to where the university is. But if I don't, it won't be the end of the world either as then I know all I can do is work and then apply again for autumn. But the worst is the pressure I get from family when they ask about studying and what I am doing with my life... I just want to scream, well... I'm trying to just survive life and continue living, isn't that good enough? Mental health has to come first and sometimes that means not working or studying. .... but like I mentioned, I will take things one step at a time and see what happens :)